What Must Be Given

I don't believe beauty can ever be won by force. A beautiful portrait either gives itself up willingly or consciously or it is captured delicately, breath held, finger poised, easy...easy...now!

"Photogenic" is nothing more or less than a measure of the soul's aperture. Children are so photogenic (and so vulnerable) because theirs is open wide. The difference between a photogenic adult and one who is not, is a difference of consent. You cannot "take" a beautiful picture of someone, it must be given.

Like a naturalist in the wilderness with her subjects, I have let my children become so accustomed to my camera, they no longer notice it as a mechanical object. It is an extension of their mother's eye, no more obtrusive to them than my eyeglasses. Just another tool Mom sometimes has to help her see. When its lens takes them in, it is my gaze they perceive and respond to, not the camera (and sometimes their response is to ignore).

Shooting them has become a form of caress, as natural as reaching out to brush bangs back from their eyes. I see my reach in the photos. There is nothing objective about them. "This is how I see you," is the caption written invisibly on every one. "This is how love sees you." It is how I think we all wish to be seen, all our lives, even when the aperture narrows or is jammed.

What about you? What portraits reveal an exchange between subject and photographer, the trajectory between the eye of the beholder and the one so carefully held?

 This guest post was written by the amazing Kyran Pittman of Notes to Self.

Comments

[camerashymomma]

wonderful post! so often i am just in my son's world, and he in mine. he has grown accustomed to the lens before my eye as well.

the other day i spent with good friends and got eye to eye with this sweetheart of a girlie. the first time i met her she was just six weeks old, and here she is three years old. i have often felt, through her life, that i have known her before and that is what drew her mom to me as friends. maybe this photo shows that. the old familiarity she revealed just for me to see.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/camerashymomma/2613352623/

[mnkathy]

Beautifully said.

My love.He's got the most alluring looks. Always with love and deep connection in his eyes.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/25773211@N07/2623896438/

[Marcie]

Altho all three of my kids were weaned on my camera...as if it were 'mother's milk'..they are now older and no longer want me to turn the lens on them. I've turned to nature to find that exchange:

http://www.marciescudderphotography.com/index.php?showimage=442

[laura - dolcepics]

Wow, I completely understand what you're saying! My child at the tender age of 15 months has long been accustomed to my constant shooting and she just doesn't even notice it's there. She must think all mommies come with cameras attached to their faces.

http://www.dolcepics.com/dailypic/eye-sparkle/

The way I see her is the way I want to capture her.

[maya]

My daughter doesn't look at my camera a lot these days, but she gave me this shot on Monday.

http://flickr.com/photos/23558661@N03/2625630449/

[kristin]

wow this is just spot on for a mom! "has become a form of caress, as natural as reaching out to brush bangs back from their eyes" so beautiful. i think sometimes us photography involved moms get a bad rap. but you put it just right. it is how we see them. thank you.

here he is NOT seeing my camera, he is looking right into me.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/14811117@N02/2571199309/in/set-72157603783772137/

[Shelli]

I love your post.

On our recent vacation, we went to Charleston, SC for the day. When we passed this gate, I immediately saw the gorgeous color and told my son I wanted to take his photo. He's only 22 months old, so I was surprised when he stopped and let me! He understands so much! I got a handful of photos of him in front of this gate, and I've already got a couple of them in frames!

http://www.mamaofletters.com/Mama_of_Letters/Camera_Happy/Pages/Nikon_D60.html#9

[pam]

Beautiful journaling. Your photography and beautiful post are eloquent

[Heather]

Wow. The timeliness of this post in regard to my 9 year old son is blowing me away.

This weekend was the first time he let his guard down. The camera did not phase him, cause him to make strange faces at me or force a smile.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/strawberrygoldie/2626707274/

[Karen (from Shutter Sisters & Chookooloonks)]

Good Lord.

I feel exactly the same way, but I've always had a hard time describing why I love portraiture so. Kyran used the perfect words to describe what occurs.

Beautifully written, Kyran!

[Jen]

My daughter is photogenic, on her terms though! When I first got my camera, she was all into saying cheese for me! Now...not so much. I think I used her has a subject one too many times! Here are a couple of those co-operative times!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jlynn28/2539167655/in/set-72157603830068405/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jlynn28/2391828859/in/set-72157603830068405/

[Kathleen]

What an insightful post. This is my little one - totally unposed, just a moment captured while waiting for brownies to bake...
http://www.flickr.com/photos/ko2008/2280976963/in/set-72157605110129130/

[Stephanie]

What a perfect post. I truly fall in love with each person or family I photograph. I want my photos to say "This is how lovely you truly are...this is how the whole world should see you".
Here are two examples of what was given to my camera...
http://slsmithphotgraphy.typepad.com/my_weblog/2008/07/grease-monkey.html

and this one (from back in April) was truly giving me herself...it was her parents favorite shot
http://slsmithphotgraphy.typepad.com/my_weblog/2008/04/silly-sweetie.html

[Stacy]

My children are the same. They are so used to me and my camera that it doesn't seem strange at all for me to be constantly shooting them. With all the photographs I take of them I get some wonderful soulful gazes.

[Ashley]

one of my best friends....

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ashleydano/2630426087/in/photostream/

[Kara]

I love this post. My kids are accustomed to my camera, but sometimes do holler out "Put that down and come play!" Don't they understand this IS my play???

Here's a little sweetness daydreaming at the park:

http://k365photoblog.blogspot.com/2008/06/little-sweetness.html

[Lawyer Mama]

What a beautiful post. My kids also ignore the camera - it's just Mommy. And they act as if it isn't even there:

http://flickr.com/photos/lawyermama/2565881770/in/set-72157605381003301/

http://flickr.com/photos/lawyermama/2557867056/in/set-72157605381003301/

[Kacey]

Great post. I love it when you can just FEEL and SEE the connection of the photographer and the subject.

While I love to get non-posed, candid photographs, I'm much more likely to get posed shots or funny faces. As you can see, they didn't get any more cooperative as they grew up...

http://www.wineonthekeyboard.com/2008/05/16/the-decision-is-made/

[kathleen]

one of my dear students. taken from a trip away from the city, to bethany beach, delaware. this is one of my favorite from that trip.
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/51/190209980_cf2fa8ad89_b.jpg

and this one, taken recently in siena, italy. when asked why i wanted to take her picture, i told her, "because you are beautiful!"...and this is the smile i received back. : )

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3044/2552145409_761b7e358f_b.jpg

[Helen]

Portraits are my favorite BY FAR. Friends or strangers alike..I am totally addicted to people shots. I could not miss an opportunity to practice on an old friend of 20+ years who was visiting from out of town.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2027/2629070739_683522e64f_b.jpg

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3082/2629891282_2b934b0287_b.jpg

[jennifer]

He is shy like me, I understand his aversion to the camera. So most of the time I sneak around the house trying to capture him acting natural with his brother and sister.

But occasionally he lets his guard down and tolerates the camera in his face. I like these moments.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/veridianblue/2616632051/

[Janine]

My sweet daughter...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/25744047@N03/2613501590/

[Patrick]

The best portraits are when you can't detect the camera between the photographer and the photographee in the photograph.

[carrie]

I love how you described what makes someone photogenic: a consenting of that person letting you really see them. It makes so much sense!

Out of four of my children, my daughter is very honest in front of the camera. The baby is too, but she knows what the camera is and he doesn't.

Here's one of my favs of her
http://www.flickr.com/photos/carrielouise/2381392838/

[Staci]

my son has never cared much for having his picture taken... it tends to bring out the worst in him!

however, i snapped this the other day and am delighted to see the pure joy on his face... he didn't seem to notice the camera.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/stacidaddona/2631054377/

[Kacey]

Kyran, I hopped over to your blog. It's wonderful. I tried to comment, but you have it set to only allow people with google/blogger accounts to comment. Hope you consider opening your comments up to everyone,--us non Blogger bloggers-- you have a great blog.

[Ursula]

My son yet again not wanting me to take his picture, but oh the light!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/cuzamora/2589748127/

[Thea]

utterly poetic and moving post/image.

I was just looking up quotes to use for my website as the eye to me is so powerful to capture in a photo.

I love this quote:

“I have looked into your eyes with my eyes. I have put my heart near your heart.”
Pope John XXIII

[HLiza]

I love it that all photography-obsessed moms have this similarity!

Unlike her to younger siblings, my daughter Iqa has not been photographed much. She always protests me following her steps with camera around my neck and she hardly co-operate. But this one is one shot I took while she was sweating after riding a bike. Her stare tells many stories and message to me..

http://www.flickr.com/photos/hliza/2627612310/

[Kyran]

Wonderful comments and images. I am working my way through them.

Kacey, I have chosen to not allow anonymous comments on my blog, realizing it probably costs me a few thoughtful comments. You do not have to have a blog to register for a blogger/google account, which is what many of my "regulars" have done. But you can email me anytime at kyranp(at)gmail(dot)com or simply nod your head quietly or shake it violently. Either way, I'm glad you popped by :-)

[lora]

I've heard many complements on this photo...but this post of yours sums up exactly how I feel about it.
No one could have taken this photo. It certainly was "given" to me by its gracious subjects:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/28987938@N00/2599979895/in/set-72157605751299932/

[Mycrazylife]

Beautiful post.

My sweet baby girl dislikes my camera and usually turns her back. I hope some day she will share the feelings of joy I have when I see her expression frozen in that single moment.

http://fromtherubberroom.com/index.php/2008/06/27/a-tired-little-girl/

[ginny]

Usually I get ignored when the camera is out. 20 months old and he's already figured that much out! But, I got this magical shot last night and it makes my heart sing!

http://monkeymemories.blogspot.com/2008/07/new-personal-favorite.html

[laurie]

""Photogenic" is nothing more or less than a measure of the soul's aperture."

This is poetry, Kyran. Thanks.

I take photos of my grandmother a lot. It fits for the old and beloved as well as the young.

(This is one of her with my mom, her daughter-in-law of almost 40 years.)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/rubyshoes/325519228/in/set-72157603586678576/

[Michelle]

Great post and beautiful photo.

My daughter, Bay, it's a bit of a struggle between us right now. I feel that we keep missing each other's point and there's a lot of tension, but I love her so much. The other day, we had this wonderful break from that, just goofing around with the camera in front of the mirror. Then, I caught her as she was texting on her phone and ...she is just so beautiful.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/26029966@N02/2616737743/

[Elizabeth]

Ah...another great post designed to make one say hmmmm. As always, I appreciate your insight and the way you use words.

[elizabeth]

beautiful post. and maybe it's a good reminder to those of us who are uncomfortable behind the camera - to be honored, and to view it as an expression of love from the photographer. I do not think I am photogenic, and perhaps it is because I *am* uncomfortable, and do not wish the photographer to capture me as I am. hmmm ..