free

This post is along the same lines as Tracy's yesterday, when she was talking about obsession. I think artists are especially interesting because the evolution of their life is out there for everyone to see. When I look back at my earlier work, with the perspective I have now, it seems like a whole different world. Buttoned up, and posed, and trying hard to be"perfect". My portraiture was an extension of how I lived my life, which was very aware of the critique. Then it started to get exhausting. There wasn't a turning point moment. Just the fact that lately I haven't been editing as much as I used to...in life or in photography. I'm not as afraid to show the messy bits...like the ones where mom is leaning in to fix her daughter's hair; or the ones that are so out of focus, they turn into impressions. People can make up their own minds. Either way I feel the same about my work, and about myself. I feel like I've begun to let go of the illusion of control. And my photographs (and I) are a teensy bit more free these days. What about you? Do you have any shots that make you feel this way?

The subject

 

Since he was too young even for outfits I’ve dressed him up, my doll. Propped him, snapped fingers, yodeled—all to preserve him just as he is at that moment, the current version of himself always on the edge of obsolescence, the six-month old giving way for the nine-month old, the younger never to be seen again, and so on.

He hears the click and sighs. “No pictures. I am BUSY.”

I’ve resorted to chocolate chip bribery, but already he is too cool for me.

And as fate would have it, this photographic reluctance is just as his eyes sparkle with the mystery of his own opinion on things, with the wonder of his own senses of humour, injustice, adventure.

Just the very sparkle I’m after.

Dang.