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« To Stop, To Breathe, To Listen | Main | hymn of loss and gain »
Tuesday
Apr212009

Treasured

When we first moved into our house in 2007 we knew that there was a quiet elderly woman that lived next door to us and that’s all we knew. We rarely saw her except for when she watered her plants. It wasn’t until one day when she struck up a conversation with my daughter, over the fence, about how nice it was that Olivia was helping with our family dogs. A few weeks later she and I conversed in between our yards. That was the day that she said she never heard our [noisy] house. That was the day I realized she must have some hearing problems.

All joking aside, Miss Beverly is a treasure to us. We’ve had her over for a spur-of-the-moment birthday gathering, a Christmas dinner, and most recently a birthday celebration for Olivia. She’s also had us over for tea and even watched Olivia one weekend while I attended a small blogging conference. She was extremely flattered that we trusted her with our daughter. Truthfully, she’s a surrogate grandmother to us while we live far from all the actual grandparents.

A few days before Olivia was to stay the weekend, Miss Beverly called me over to her house. She wanted to show me where my daughter would be sleeping; to make sure it met my approval. We walked down the hall to the bedroom and I immediately noticed that the furniture was antique and extremely beautiful. You just don’t find that kind of craftsmanship anymore. As she ran her hand on the footboard she told me that it was her bedroom suite when she was a little girl. Smiling she told me that there hadn’t been a little girl to sleep in that bed for many years. We both felt a sense of peace as we smiled at each other.

Walking back down the hallway she asked me to come into her room as there was a picture she wanted to show me. Naturally, I followed her. She picked up an old wooden frame and handed it to me. The picture was a three quarter length shot of a relatively young man in a distinguished three piece suit.

“That’s my Daniel.” she breathed.

“He’s so handsome in this portrait, Miss Beverly.” I commented to her.

“He certainly was. A week after that portrait was taken he died,” she said heavily as she laid both her hands over her heart.

I sighed, “I’m so sorry for your loss,” as I handed her back the portrait of her beloved son.

She swept her fingers lovingly over Daniel’s face as she set the frame on her bedside table, and out we walked.

******

A few weeks ago my husband was making salsa for us. I had my camera in hand and I was documenting the process. The colors of all the ingredients along with the beautiful afternoon sun that was shining through our kitchen compelled me to photograph him while he worked.

Then the doorbell rang, and with camera in hand I went to answer it. It was Miss Beverly and I invited her in. We came into the kitchen, chit-chatted about Michael’s salsa making abilities, her naiveté in regards to salsa consumption, and then about my camera and how it didn’t use film. She was shocked when I explained how it worked.

“Mishelle, I came to ask you a favor that actually involves your camera. Do you see that tree at the top of my yard?” she asked.

“Yes, I absolutely love that tree!” I replied.

“Well, I planted that tree in honor of Daniel when I first moved in here. You remember my Daniel, right?”

“Of course I do; what a beautiful thing to do.” I comforted.

She went on to tell me that she planted it for Daniel and that his two sons were now old enough to understand the sentiment behind it. She hoped that I might be able to capture the tree in photograph for her to give to her grandsons. Without hesitation I told her that I would take pictures of Daniel’s Tree for her, for her grandsons, and in honor of dearly departed son.

She grabbed me, hugged me tight, kissed my cheek, and whispered, “You are a treasure to me!”

“As are you to me,” I whispered back through the lump in my throat.

*****

Parents should never have to bury their children. It’s cruel, heartbreaking, and seemingly wrong. Why it happens no one will know for sure. What we do know, though, is that there is genuine goodness in the world amidst all the cruelty. It starts with one person, one kind word, one smile, one embrace, one tree blooming, one camera pointed, one blue sky, and one hope that our loved ones---even the smallest of the small---watch over us while we remain on this earth becoming a treasure despite the pain.

Photo and words courtesy of Guest Blogger / Honorary Sister Mishelle Lane or as many of you know her Secret Agent Mama.

Reader Comments (47)

amen and Amen.
As I work tonight watching over mom's with their babys still tucked safely inside; I think about the woman at the end of the hall who is waiting her labor with a baby inside her who will never take a breath. She is 36 weeks pregnant and has no explanation for her loss.
I had two moms like this last week so thankfully don't have to be the nurse caring for her tonight. I did want to post about my experience last week tho. My parents opted to have a photographer come in and photograph their 22 weeks twins who were stillborn. He was part of an organization called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. I carefully helped him and watched him lovingly take the photo's that would be a treasure to these heartbroken parents.

Treasure's come in all sizes...
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJody
ohhhh,I love this story, my eyes are full of tears now, so wonderful feelings, of peace, love and deep meanings.
thank you for sharing.
http://esterdaphne.blogspot.com/
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkosenrufu mama
What a beautiful heart-felt post. Your words brought tears to my eyes. May we never experience the loss that Miss Beverly has. Thank-you for sharing the story.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMarcie
thank you, mishelle, for sharing this intimate and endearing story so beautifully.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVanessa
I cry as I read this. I know loss. I know too that it is life in another form.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterClaire
Oh beautiful and heart-breaking. A friend lost her son tragically...I wrote about it months ago...

http://lifesignatures.wordpress.com/2008/09/28/matts-place-proof-that-god-exists/

It's every mom's unspoken nightmare.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPuna
This brought tears to my eyes. You never get over losing a child. My grandmother lost her little boy when he was only six and she still talks about him and cries when she thinks of him. Thank you for sharing this beautiful reminder to hold and love our children as passionately as we can. What a beautiful picture, Mishelle. Your photography is a gift!!
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy
such a lovely story of a special friend and the bond you formed with her. as a little girl my parents did go through this with the death of my older brother and they were never quite the same.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterelk
So beautiful. It is our compassion for one another that makes it all bearable. Thank you for sharing this.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChristine
such a beautiful post. wonderful and heart felt gave me a ump in my throat.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkristin
Beautiful.
what a beautiful story and photograph!! well written, i was right there with you with the lump in my throat.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered Commentercamerashymomma
Oh, that made me cry! So beautiful!
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJoanna
What a beautiful story. The women that blog on this site astound me with their ability to not only take gorgeous photos, but to match those photos with equally gorgeous words. You're an inspiration.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCheryl
With tears in my eyes, thank you for this beautiful post. My son's best friend died in a car accident and the strength his mother showed during the loss and since then has amazed me. I don't know that I could be that strong. The simple act of reaching out to a neighbor through a fence can bring the richest rewards - thank you for than reminder.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterToni | DailyVignette
That was beautiful. How we think that we're going to help others "in need" only to be blessed doubly by them!
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGrace aka blackbelt
what a touching story you have shared with us. thank you for this gentle reminder - there IS genuine goodness in the world.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterspread your wings
beautiful photo and post.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterfaith
Our neighbor is "Aunt Jean". She, like your Miss Beverly, is our treasure. We are so lucky to have picked this house, which allowed us to have our Aunt Jean.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMarcia
Heartwarming.

Daniel lives...through sharing his story, his mother's love and Daniel's tree...and his mother knows this.

I'll smile all day thinking of this...for truly it's not a sad story, but a reminder of the beauty of life we're given and not to take one moment for granted. That each of us deeply touches others whether we realize it or not.

Thank you.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermelody is slurping life
Recently my seventy two year old neighbor succeeded in convincing my landlord that the 70 foot tall, 30 year old maple tree on our property was causing her brick fence to tilt.... down it came. Our home looks so sad now, where once it was cozy and covered and daple shaded, now it is blank and bare.
The day the tree came down and I pulled into the garage of my new naked home, I saw her outside and immediately ran out to give my salutations. We chatted amiably for quite a bit, several other neighbors joined us for an afternoon discussion against the leaning brick wall. When I came inside my teen boys said' How can you be friendly with her?' I told them it is sad to lose the tree, but now we have a friend. I hope to have many more chats on the leaning brick wall....
Thank you for this story the lessons therein.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJosephine
Thank you so much for sharing this loving and thoughtful reflection.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth
Oh, how wonderful to have such family next door. I love adopted grandparents and Miss Beverly sounds like a treasure to us all.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWanda
one of the reasons my mom was my hero (besides the obvious) is her ability to handle the death of three children (a brother, a sister and an unborn) and then nurse my father before his death at home. she was the strongest woman I know.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCharlane
What a touching reminder to treasure all around us. Though it might be difficult at times to find the time... I wish we had planted a tree or something for my Aunt who passed a few years ago. I know her Mother (My grandmother) would treasure it until her last days.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLisa Ceaser
I hoped over because I saw Michelle's gtalk message. I wondered what she had up her sleeve.....

I glanced through the comments, and thought, o' sheez......what's this going to be about.....afterward, I determined that I wasn't going to be a crybaby--like I so often am.

Needless to say, my predetermined rumination was ill prepared for how touching this story really was. Thank you so much for sharing this with us today. Michelle, you are a terrific writer!

~WW
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWayfaring Wanderer
Thank you, Mishi. You are, indeed, a Treasure.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlceel
Mishelle, I loved this post. I first found this blog through your mentioning it on MomAdvice's podcast, and I am really enjoying it. But this is the first time I have commented. Your sensitivity to this sweet bereaved mother brought me peace today. Thank you for the gift you gave her!
As a bereaved mother myself, I know firsthand how healing and comforting photographs are. I'm so glad Jody mentioned Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. I delivered a beautiful baby boy (7 lbs 3 ozs) on November 3, 2007 who was not breathing. My heart is still broken, and I wonder if it ever will be fixed in this life. But one thing that really helps is to have pictures of him.
I have a photographer friend who embarked on an experiment with me. I wanted to have family pictures taken in the cemetary at the time of year my baby was born, and then use PS to "add him in", so that I could have a complete family portrait. I studied pictures of me holding him in the hospital, then took a white blanket and held that in similar fashion while she photographed us. Later I used the Magic Wand tool (it took hours, and I'm still not 100% satisfied) to cut my sweet baby's picture out and place it in my arms in the new picture. I LOVE looking at the photo now. It represents my family as it should be -- no, as it really is. (Here's a link to the post on my blog that shows the finished product: http://mamasboys4.blogspot.com/2009/03/day-18-photoshop.html )
Didn't mean to write a novel! Sorry! You just really touched my heart today, and I thank you.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle in AR
Oh, Mishelle, how beautiful!
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGayle
That made me cry! What a wonderful story. Thanks for sharing.
Oh wow Mishelle, that is so special!!
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJeanette
Oh my gosh, I have tears in my eyes. I have secretly always wanted to have a friendship with an older woman and just think this is a beautiful story. Thanks !
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMaggie Meiners
oh what a beautiful story, so beautifully told. and your photo is divine!
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermary
thank you so much for sharing. My neighbor is a canteankerous old man, and he is just as much a treasure.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCarrieJ
So very sweet and touching. It's making it hard for me to type because I can barely see through the tears. You are a treasure to us all.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjasminflower
Ok, if your mission was to make me cry, you've succeeded. You've also made me miss my Grandma and want to go hug her right now. Thank you for this beautiful post.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaryn
I'm so glad that I touched so many with my story about Miss Beverly.

She has managed to become a part of our family and we are honored by that. :)

Best to you all.....
You succeeded in touching the depths of my heart too with your photo and your story. How I wish everyone could have a Miss Beverly or a Mr Joe (as I do) in his or her life. Friendship with an elderly person is such a blessing--the wisdom and love and patience they impart is just priceless and immeasurable. And as we age, we can remember how important it is to reach across the fence to our younger neighbors and friends and include them in our lives and family memories. Thank you for sharing! Thank you to everyone for contributing to this wonderful web site. I enjoy it so much!
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJane
{sigh}
beautiful post, so true that it only takes a simple gesture to open the door to love and companionship.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSuvarna
Mishi, you truly are a treasure. As is your gift with words. And pictures.
April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMaggie's Mind
You are a treasure! What a beautiful story....thanks so much for sharing!
Laura
April 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaura
what a beautiful story - thank you for this...xoxo
April 22, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterstef
michelle! this is gorgeous.
April 22, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjenica
Mishelle, I love this story. It's beautiful.
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