On Being Seen

When was the last time you gave yourself the gift of getting to hug an old friend for the very first time?

Jen and I have been friends for at least a year or two...but we had never met before last week...she lives in Portland, I'm in Silicon Valley...we're both busy busy ladies, running demanding photography businesses. But last week, we finally managed to align our universes to meet for breakfast, and from the very moment I walked into the restaurant, I knew that I had truly found a sister.

Our first hug was amazing. It said "I know *you*! I *treasure* you!!" ...and so much more....and then we talked. and ate. and laughed. and cried (ok, I'm pretty sure that was just me. and it was just a little bit)...and, of course, we took lots and lots of pictures.

Now, like many women who are photographers, Jen and I both have pretty strong feelings about wanting to be behind the lens, and not in front of it. It is a safe place, a place where we don't have to confront some feelings about our physical selves that we would rather not spend time with. It's also a loving place - because we get to show the world what *we* love...to give the gift of allowing everyone else to see the people, places, and things that fill our hearts with beauty and light, to see them and love them the way that we do.

But what happens when the person we love feels the same way, and wants express that love by pointing a camera back at us? Do we say no? Or do we swallow the fear and untether the self-judgement and self-criticism and the voices that say "no, run away, unbeautiful!" Do we trust that this sister who truly cares about us will see us with love, and gift her with the space capture something amazing, something beautiful?

Well, Jen and I managed to let go. It was hard, and we talked a lot about it, but then we laughed, then we hugged some more, and then we shot some more, and then we laughed a *lot*, then we hugged some more....and when I got home, and saw her images, and looked at the images I had captured...I got a little weepy all over again. Because, in giving her that gift of letting go, I gave myself a gift too. I allowed someone to create images of myself that I truly love. I let this amazing sister show me that she loves me too....we both feel *seen*...essentially, truly, lovingly seen.

So, shutter sisters...this is my challenge to you. Seek one another out. Give hugs. Talk. Take pictures. Love. Laugh. Let go. Be truly seen, allow yourself to be witnessed with love...it is one of the biggest gifts you can give, to yourself, and to the people who love you.

Trust me, it is *so* worth it.

Photo and words courtesy of Honorary Sister / Guest Blogger Lilia Schwartz of babymoon photography.

Comments

[Jessica New]

I know, I can SO RELATE to your post!! I HATE to have my picture taken & I feel bad when my kids, or my husband points the camera at me & I say No, No, DON'T, I mean it STOP, for the love of GOD, NO!!!!! LOL!!!

I don't like to send that message out to the children that just because I am overweight....
That I don't want to be captured in the memories with them! The message of a poor self image!!

Thank you for your post... It made me think... And now to tackle to challenge....

[kosenrufu mama]

Thank you for this post, I always loved to shoot pictures, but I loved to be photographed as weel. Actually during these 2 or 3 years I was more often behind the camera and I heart it!!!!
http://esterdaphne.blogspot.com/2009/03/quotidiano.html
http://esterdaphne.blogspot.com/2008/10/quello-che-amo-tutti-i-giorni.html

[Laurel]

Lovely post. You are so right about the emotional element of being behind/in front of the lens. Now who will I seek out????!

[Kamana]

A hug says so much more than words can. And totally agree about wanting to be behind the camera. I'd always thought that was just me though, so thanks for this.

[Puna]

Friends are very special - especially if you haven't seen them in a long time. I just had a little get together with some old friends from high school. And I had to get in front of the camera.

http://lifesignatures.wordpress.com/2009/03/30/meet-the-girls/

Thank you for your words.

[benzismama]

timely topic.....

http://www.flickr.com/photos/benzismama/3480072402/in/set-72157617277571645/

[camerashymomma]

beautiful images!! beautiful women!

[kristin]

oh yes it is SO true i made it a goal to meet in person 3 flickr friends this year. so far i have met 2. this is a shot of me on my belly shooting the wonderful dani and she standing shooting back at me. i loved them so much i dipped them . and i whole hearted agree, it is MORE than worth it.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/14811117@N02/3407513388/in/set-72157606872046209/

[Julie Alvarez]

My sister is a photographer. I have many pictures of myself taken by her. But not many in the computer (!).
I have some, though.
Here are two of them, where I can really see ME.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/juliealvarez/49462585/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/juliealvarez/49462587/

[Toni | DailyVignette]

What a wonderful and totally relatable (is that a word?) post! I can't remember the last time I had my photo taken. Actually, yes I can, it was six years ago and I cringed when I saw it. Ugh. Thank you for giving me something to think about.

[Mariella]

Awesome!! Thank you for sharing!! xoxo, ~ M.

[Becky]

We went through this experience in December...we realized that we had NEVER had professional photos done of the two of us. So a wonderful photog friend from Seattle came down and created really great stuff, with really awkward clients :)

http://blog.bagdanoffphoto.com/?p=70

[Kacey]

A few photographers got together after the St. Louis Tots 2 Teens workshop and went on a photo shoot the next day. It was amazing. (and really weird to be the "model" in so many pics!). There is nothing like spending the day with others who share your passion for photography. I wrote about the experience here:
http://www.wineonthekeyboard.com/2009/04/20/st-charles-photo-shoot/

and the fun side of it here:
http://www.wineonthekeyboard.com/2009/04/08/st-charles-missouri-photo-shoot/

[summer]

I'll admit it I'm afraid of the other side of the camera. I've done a few self portraits trying to get over this but I know if I had a good photo-sister-friend I'm sure I could loosen up...just don't have any around. maybe one day I'll make it out to Cali and connect with a sister or two.
you inspire, that is for sure.
lovely shots too. so. much. heart.

[Life in Eden]

I don't have a digital image of it to share, but one of my favorite pictures of myself was taken by a photo sister too. I was in 10th grade and took my first serious photo course at Moore College of Art and Design. My classmate took the pic and I loved it. Since that was decades ago, i guess I need to take another course or connect with some one!

[Wanda]

I'll tell you what...doing a 365 project of self-portraits can get one over the issue of having one's picture taken. On the other hand...my project is currently in PRIVATE mode. heheheh

[Aly]

I live in Portland. My best friend lives next door. Due to the current economic climate, I am moving back to the Silicon Valley! This made me cry...

[Alejandra]

I ditto all the other posts about feeling uncomfortable in front of the camera. Here is one of the FEW pictures captured of me by my Shutter Sister, my 11-year old step-daughter.

http://fotografias-fotografias.blogspot.com/2009/04/candlelight.html

By the way, I love both the picture and words in this post. Wonderful!

[Jaana]

My cousin is one of my favorite photographers out there. She is so fun and really has a way of capturing people. We don't see each other often, but when we do, she always manages to sneak a couple pics of me. These are two of the favorite shots that she's taken.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/dxeechick/3484061168/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/dxeechick/3484060812/

[mama-pan]

thanks so much for sharing--your work is beautiful, and so are those purple glasses :-) I have been experimenting with self-portraiture, and experience many of the feelings you describe--interference of self-image with imaging my self. How wonderful to find someone to exchange portraits with.

[Kathy Winter]

I can so relate to this post! I run away when someone points a camera at me...yet I still whine when I realize I'm not in any family photos. I need to work on this.

Great post. Thanks for sharing! I loved the photos.

[Just Jinny]

I don't mind being in front of the camera if I can find someone to be behind it. It amazes me how reserved people are to even be BEHIND the camera.

http://realworldgirl.blogspot.com/2009/04/in-front-of-camera.html

[Kelly]

I ran across this dilemma rather recently when my husband wanted to use the camera to photograph me. TALK about a vulnerable feeling! http://www.flickr.com/photos/8702729@N02/3398462051/

[jasminflower]

I hear and relate. It's SO hard for me to let go and just enjoy the moment of being the one in the proverbial spotlight. I can't tell you how many times my dear sweet and loving husband has taken pictures of me (even while I'm yelling for him to stop...you should have seen those shots...sheesh!) only to find them missing later. Obvious victims of my delete button. I know that the way I see myself is not the way he sees me, but it's a daily battle for me to love unconditionally what he loves unconditionally. One day, I hope to win and then feel free to bask in the glory of the spotlight.

[jenny d]

oh lilia! i love you!!!!!! thank you for writing such sweet things about me, and sharing our meeting nd connection with all of these lovelies in such beautiful heartfelt words. you are amazing.
and it is a topic we don't often talk about, us photogs. thank you for bringing it to the surface to be looked at with a kind and open heart.
xoxoxoxox.

happy day, shutter sisters!
with love,
jen

[nancy|bugandbean]

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

[andrea]

oh, that jen. she is the bee's knees, the cat's meow. I *heart* jen.