hitting the wall

It's hard to admit this, because I don't want to come off as being ungrateful. I feel exceedingly lucky and blessed to be doing what I do for a living. But being a photographer is a bit like being a ballerina, or a writer, or anything else that most people tend to do as a fun hobby. It's assumed that nothing could be better than turning that "fun hobby" into a living. The hard part is trying to keep your "fun hobby" from turning into a job. Then there's the expectation that you should be motivated by a ceaseless fountain of inspiration. Sure, we can write all day about the ebb and flow of creativity; and about how it's a normal part of the process. But the truth is that we know (especially if our livelihood depends on it) that our work needs to be constantly evolving, changing, and growing. This is a lot of pressure when you look at your work and feel nothing but apathy. And frankly, that's how I've been feeling lately. Like I've seen it before. Done it before. I don't think it's horrible. But I'd rather curl up on the couch and eat a bowl of mashed potatoes. You know? So that made me try to think back to a time when I felt most energized. It was a few years ago when I'd finally made the leap from film to digital. What's ironic is that my work was, well...let's just say not anything I would post on my site today. Some of it was straight-up crap. But I was SO excited by it. I'd stay up late watching photoshop tutorials, and reading everything I could get my hands on. The process was new; and apparently new = fascinating. Which makes me think that inspiration has very little to do with the quality of one's work. Instead maybe it's fueled by the simple process of discovering something we didn't know. In other words, maybe inspiration comes as the natural result of LEARNING. 

What about you? Have you ever hit the wall creatively? What did you learn about it?

Comments

[Kala]

I do completely understand that. Hitting a brick wall sums it up exactly. But that's usually when I start doing things I haven't had a chance to do in a while because I've been working so hard. Like reading a new book for instance, or drawing, or simply catching up with blogs and suddenly I will read or see or feel something that will trigger the whole process again and I start relearning. The same me but evolved somehow. I used to worry about it but now I look forward to it, it's like shedding a skin and very exciting!

[Dani]

I hit the wall all the time creatively. Everyone should know when that is because it seems to happen once a month and my blog post dwindle in vibrancy and fun. Typically when I am hitting the wall so to speak, I come up with a project to rejuvenate myself. Sometimes even a very literal hitting the wall project, where I take pictures of walls, as I did here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/36197392@N06/3371366598/in/set-72157616386193748/

I hope I eventually get to a point where I can feel like Kala and look forward to it in hopes of learning something new and coming out the other end. For now, I just pray they don't happen right before I shoot a wedding. :-)

[Puna]

Thank you for your honesty! I'll keep that in mind when I hit the wall...

[Alicia]

I've been feeling like a wall is standing in front of me lately... A part of my lack of inspiration is probably to tribute to my lack of energy. Photography is my hobby, but my job has been exhausting me lately.

I agree that learning creates energy, inspiration, and I've been looking into taking a class or a workshop to give me the boost I need to get back to being energized and inspired. I was also thinking of just trying something new creatively... a little learning on my own.

http://aliandsethinthecity.blogspot.com/2009/05/looking-everywhere.html

[elk]

maile your feelings are shared by many I am sure , thanks for putting them on "paper" today!

i am a music/movement teacher and i have to be "on" for eight classes a day...so hitting the wall creatively is something I know well ...i learn that is what a summer break is for.. to recharge !
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sammymom/3550001984/

[Georgia]

i hit it often. that is when i just stop and observe what others are doing. it usually seems to help. i hope you find the door through the wall very soon. you are blessed. you DO have a wonderful job, even when it seems like the creative part is hard to see and it seems like a job. love love love the photo here!

[Jen]

I do relate to this so well with my business. Making new items, I just feel less than inspired lately. With photography, I think of different cameras to use. If I get bored with digital, I use film. And then I think, maybe I should shoot with my polaroid when I am tired of my film cameras. I always feel I am constantly trying to find a way of work that exudes me and I need to keep going until I get there.

[bim]

I, too, hit the wall at regular intervals. Some years back, when I worked as an artist full time I just had to keep going nevertheless - like you describe, Maile. One thing that helped in such cases was not to take myself as the only point of reference, trusting that I had enough skill and experience despite feeling uninspired to create something the people on the receiving end would still like. After all I had set out to inspire them as much as I was hoping to feel inspired myself. Yes, I had to be happy with the project I was completing, but my clients or my audience had eyes and brains, too. They frequently interpreted my work very differently from me, anyway - what I thought was good didn't always work for them - and what didn't work for me was often liked by others. Of course this is no solution in the long run - and, like all you others who have commented here, I tend to turn away from the wall, re-focus and learn/start something new and then the wall eventually disappears for some time :)

[Stephanie]

It's good to know I am not the only one. Last week I literally did sit in bed with a book and a bowl of mashed potatoes instead of working on my clients photos. What refreshed me this month was a client who was creative, fresh, and willing to try anything.

[Jane]

Being a curriculum writer and working in a bubble can bring on the "block" very often! Photography is my hobby, but I'm serious about it. I find when I hit a wall, exercise, a walk in a park, a lunch with friends, and a play date with little kids energize me and move me forward with fresh ideas. I'm also renewed by a warm shower, a soak in a hot tub, or a good swim at the Y. Does anyone else have this "water experience" that seems to bring ideas flowing (actually gushing) to the brain? Maybe it's scientific, maybe not. :-)

[Laurie]

If you do anything long enough, eventually you will hit a wall. It's not a bad thing at all. Rather, it's very good and I'll tell you why... hitting a wall, apathy, boredom, causes one to begin to think differently and hopefully agitate one enough to look for something new...

Wishing you many "new" possiblities and adventures in your creative life!
Laurie

[jen gray]

sometimes the wall is really good for me.
the wall makes me take a look around the corner ~give something new a whirl...
when i am forcing the creativity, it always seems to blow. and its not fun.
so the wall keeps me i check. makes me rest, take a break, come up from air.
after awhile it feels fresh again.
i think mashed potatoes are the perfect kind of nurturing wall food.
xo
jen

[Alli]

Maybe because I am still learning I am still excited. I recently figured out light trails and light painting (glow sticks + kids + camping = such fun!) and it has kind of spurred me on to do some other new things. Like actually ASKING a pregnant friend if I could take her picture so I could practice portraits on someone besides my wiggly (but very cute!) kids.

[deezee]

Have I ever hit the wall creatively?

Oh my god, don't make me laugh! A day when the wall's not there is so damn joyous I don't know how to contain myself.

What have I learned?

Don't slit your wrists. Maybe tomorrow the path will be clear.

Poetic, eh? :)

[spread your wings]

i definitely think inspiration comes as a natural result of learning - learning new skills and trying new techniques in any type of creative realm brings.
this wall you have described is so much a part of any artist's life and is more apparent if you actually work in that field. If you are in a creative field it is something you think of almost 24/7. you see things around you differently. Others don't understand that - they think that being creative is easy. it's anything but easy and it certainly isn't always fun like the others believe it must be. But I, for one, would not choose in any other field. i love what i do and always want to be learning more - it's exciting and inspiring.
i don't have a way with words but maybe some of this makes sense.

[misti]

This is one of the things that scares me about turning art/photography into a living. Being in that slump. But you know, you will get out of it.

Go shoot something you don't normally shoot. ;)

[Charlane]

funny I felt this as I opened the shots I did yesterday....blah blah blah. I try to shoot through it sometimes but today maybe I need a break. hope you feel better about yours soon.

[Tracey Clark]

I am not an equipment kind of girl but everytime I get my hands on something new (lens especially) I find a surge of creativity and inspiration!
maile, may I suggest you start shooting more of your daily life? something tells me that if you start shooting for you (just for you and not for clients) that you might find the spark you need.
I know it worked for me!!! xo

[Katie in MA]

I have. I'm not a photographer (sadly), but in my other creative ventures - writing, scrapping - I've learned that homework is a good thing. )Who knew those teachers were on the right path with all those curses assignments in high school and college.) So now when I hit the wall, I go looking for assignments. The more it sounds like I can't do it, or like it's out of my comfort zone, the more I find I grow and challenge myself. Whenever I peg a new technique, I like to go out and do more and more and get excited because, hello, I like to show off. I don't always follow the exercise to a T, but it always teaches me something and that, to me, is a lot of fun.

[tempestdelfuego]

I hit the wall recently, quite hard! After months of snapping away happily, I woke up one day and didn't like anything I had taken and put the camera on the shelf. I just got back from visiting my folks in Ontario, and of course I brought the camera. It sat in the bag for a few days. I didn't immediately start taking photos, I gave myself a few days to relax and soak in the love of my family. One morning I woke up and knew it was the day to take out the camera and start poking around. I said to myself, these photos are for me, just for me. Not for the shop, or my blog, just me. Little bits and pieces of family life, things around the house and garden, and the city that meant something to me and reminded me of my happy childhood. I think that making the decision to take pictures just for me is what made the difference. When I got back to Vancouver, I went through the photos with my husband and he said the ones I took for me were the best from the lot. I have put a few of them on the blog, but the picture of the bananas in my Mom's kitchen and Mom in her pajamas at her computer, well, they are for me! When I hit the wall again, I'll give myself a few days to just absorb life, to poke around, then take out the camera and take photos just for me.:)

Thanks for such a wonderful post and for all your work with this blog.
Cheers, Leslie.

[Wayfaring Wanderer]

In the realm of photography, I have found myself in a slight respite. What am I doing with my photography right now?

Nothing.

Absolutely Nothing.

And, at first I was really bothered by this, but I have come to realize that there are equally important things going on in my life right now that need a lot more attention than my camera. I decided to let it be what it is for now because I don't want to force it, otherwise I am putting myself in exactly the opposite position of where I would really like to be.

Where is that? Crickey.......how should I know?!

~WW
http://www.wayfaringwanderer.com

[minalucia]

Yes, the wall. I know it well. The creative ideas never stop for me but the wall is the audience. I am always less than satisfied with what to do with stuff once it is made. That is my wall. I thought being on Etsy and Flickr would help but that is a constant reminder of how things get lost in the shuffle of the image world. For now the blog is helping with this. Going on walks helps too. One thing I no longer so is go to galleries looking for a breakthrough. It all kinda looks the same these days. A good french film helps as does a silly comedy with Cary Grant. looking at the amazing buildings on NY helps too. Whatever it is there should be comfort in the fact that we all experience it and this to shall pass. Thanks for the post and sharing!
http://www.deschlercanossi.com

[Mattie]

I can't believe you wrote this post today - because parts of it echo the way I have been feeling lately. My creativity with photography and art is really a hobby for me. Lately, I have been consumed by my flckr site - following and learning from my contacts and trying to get better at digital photography and photoshop processing. Today, I decided I just needed to take a break - you know a vacation of sorts - from it to let my head clear. For me - the wall feels a little like my head is full of cotton balls - creativity clouded by too much thought. Hopefully, after taking a step back and not trying so hard, we will all overcome "that wall" and move forward in our own individual creative journey.

[Jill]

Your honesty is most refreshing and not in the least bit ungrateful!

[djbeat]

those who are able to do what they love for money are lucky & damned (i tried starving artist for 2 years). i've hit the wall many times creatively whether writing or painting - it helps to take a step back - i usually look to others for inspiration: read a new book, visit a gallery...

shutter sisters has been my inspiration too look at photography & what i see from day to day in a different way - or to recognize what i have already shot or find new meaning in it...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/djbeat/3535966727/

[joannecreates]

I too,,seem to get feeling creative in cycles,it's funny reading all these posts I thought I was just odd. And as Jane said,I also get my most creative ideas when I'm soaking in the tub or sometimes a long leisurely shower.And whenever I come up with something that sparks my interest,I have to go execute it,It's been sewing,making jewelry and now my latest passion, photography,so I'm still at the exciting stage,reading everything I can get my hands on.Shutter sisters is the first thing I check each morning and sometimes it leads me in a direction

[Ingrid]

I've hit a wall now that I have finished my 365-day project. Towards the end of the project I often felt that I was taking photographs for the sake of my blog (even though sometimes something good came of that exercise) and I wanted to take a deliberate break at the end of it. But now it's been a month and I am still waiting for inspiration! Hopefully it will come soon. I think I will have to dust off my old film cameras and see what I can do with them. Thank you, all of you, for sharing your experiences. I am confident that it is just a matter of time before my passion for photography comes flooding back!

[rachael]

this is the hardest part about the fact that i'm graduating college today. i'm excited for what life brings me next, but part of me is terrified that i don't have enough self-motivation or accountability to continue learning new things and challenging myself in new directions. another part of me knows that my soul and spirit depend on change in order to feel full. but yet that other part of me knows how easily i fall into what's comfortable, what doesn't make me struggle, what's easy and known and rehearsed.

this is the challenge. to TRULY challenge myself.

[Claudia@ DipityRoad]

Whether its photography, work (interior design) or being a mom, sister, wife, friend.... i have hit the wall on everyone of them. It doesnt mean you are ungrateful. Sometimes the graditude is overwhelming.

What i have tried in the past and have found some sucess; is change it up a bit. What I mean by that is, typically we all do things out of structure... a certain schedule. Take a different path. What if you started to prepare your photography shoot a little bit different. Dont start by starting at the top of the list. Dont always take the safest way... Maybe simply take a different ROAD home.

Going down that road less traveled by you... may take you to new height and insites you havent visited in a very long while.

Love your honesty... TTFN Claudia

[Jeannie]

i'm glad i gravitated to your post before shutting it down for the night. i feel in some ways that my life has been one big wall, and that i never know quite what to do. i am filled with regrets in middle age yet i don't see how i would have made different choices, given who i am. how can i understand yearning to have been the sort of personality who had the bravura to choose a different path? certainly there are some things that i tried and was successful in. yet i yearn deeply for something more, something creative. i yearn to start something that will grow into something big, or something else. i so want to be able to say, "wow. i simply decided to try this-or-that, and now look at how it's taken off for me." it seems to happen with so many people. they strike out, they aren't fearful or timid, or perhaps they are but they don't let it show; and before long, or maybe it takes a while, they've built something of substance, of notice.

like a million other people i started a blog. i love having it but am still finding my voice. i'm not there yet and feel overwhelmed with a sense of longing for...i'm not sure what. for writing and photography, for literature. for a counseling practice i want to develop. yes, i want success in a creative venue too. i want to be a shutter sister, an interesting writer, a person that others refer their friends to. at the moment it seems all i do is choke back the tears and consider that metaphorical wall.

[Dianne Poinski]

I am so excited I found this blog! I found this post honest and authentic and could totally relate about the renewed passion I felt when I went digital. It got even better after I discovered I could still hand-color my digital prints. Now I am excited because I am reworking all of my new images. Scanning negatives and using all I have learned in the last year about photoshop to create, what I think, are better images than I had before. Thanks for being here!

[Aimee Greeblemonkey]

Oh when have I NOT hit a wall creatively. I co-own a company that builds health education web sites, so people think it's all wonderful every single day. The fact is, it's not. And rarely creative anymore. So I do my blog and my photography, which THEN when I hit a wall, it seems even MORE disappointing. I totally hear you.