"you without the story of you"

The other day my friend was talking about the idea of declaring each year "The Year Of _____________". Sometimes it's a resolution in January. Somtimes it's an observation at the end of a year: "The Year of Change", "The Year of Healing", even something simple like "The Year of Getting Ready". She talked about how much changed for her friend one year just by making the committment to get dressed every day. I'm not sure how I'd describe 2010 yet. But if I had to define my last year, that's easy. It was "The Year of Twenty Pounds". The longer version would be "The Year of Doing Nothing But Work and Self Medicate with Food". Or so I thought until I read Women Food and God and then realized that I self medicate with much more: the computer, TV, phone, work, shopping, my children's activities, friendships... you name it.

I ended up finishing the book in two days and colored it completely yellow. Seriously. By the last chapter, my highlighter was out of ink. And the surprising thing was that it wasn't really about weight loss. It was about all the methods we use to escape or soothe ourselves from (the perceived pain of, or boredom with) the present moment. By eating, drinking, exercising, whining, dreaming, computer-ing, working, talking, obsessing, judging, worrying, controlling... whatever it may be. We love to say that it's important to "celebrate the moment". But most of us will do almost anything to get away from it. It's like my habit of compulsively pushing the button on the car radio: Not this song. Not this one. Nope. Next. Next. This one's okay but there might be something better. Where is the something better? Next. Next. Next... Something about that is more preferable than sitting in silence. Sitting Still.

Yet something inside all of us longs for that Stillness. Geneen Roth calls it "you without the story of you". It's the "you" before you began to see yourself defined by various opinions and perceptions of others. In the book she suggests that we connect to the Stillness not by learning something new or by "fixing" ourselves to become more "perfect". But instead by remembering who we were before. There was a day when a caterpillar could fill you with wonder, when a snow cone could make your day. You didn't need a specific reason to be happy. And the idea that you were enough was naturally assumed.

We'd love to see your images today... the ones that make you remember.

Comments

[giftsofthejourney (Elizabeth Harper)]

These images do it for me without a doubt!

http://giftsofthejourney.wordpress.com/2010/06/17/would-you-lay-with-me-in-a-field-of-flowers-and-stone/

Interesting post and something I've considered before although in a sightly different context.

[cigi]

Great post. The older I get, the more I find myself leaning into and savoring silence. But it can be scary. Eliminate the distractions (and excuses) that have served you well for so many years and, all of a sudden, there's nowhere to hide! But the rewards have been immense. In solitude I've discovered my most authentic self.

http://instamaticgratification.wordpress.com/2010/06/16/166365/

[Katrina Kennedy]

I think about this often. I grew up on a farm. The place that defines my roots. As soon as I was a teenager I wanted to leave, was bitter, hated it. It is only recently that I realize just how much I'm recreating the peace and connection to the earth I experienced then. So many of my photos take me there.


http://ianck.blogspot.com/2010/06/picture-of-day-vote-from-garden.html

[meadowlarkdays]

My responses are similar to cigi and katrina - silence, nature, small reminders of my mom. A great topic to think about -

http://meadowlarkdays.blogspot.com/2010/06/reminders.html

[Paula P.]

If I had to name my year 2009 it would have to be " The Year of Never-before-experiences". It was a hard year with a divorce of a ten year marriage and the death of my father. His passing away was the hardest thing ever, because having him around was my safe card. And then I didn't feel safe anymore.

I took this picture exactly one year prior to his death, It was a Thanksgiving sunset in 2008 He died on November 2009. My family used this picture in his memorial service.

http://thinkingphoto.blogspot.com/2008/12/my-father.html

[Kelley]

I've thought about this idea a LOT this year - stopping the endless self-improvement cycle and just getting down to basics: who am I, what do I want out of life, what's right and good about my life in this moment. Maybe 2010 will be my Year of Being Enough.

I will definitely pick up Geneen Roth's book - there are also some very good thoughts on this subject in Hand Wash Cold by Karen Maezen Miller (quoted in the post linked below)...

http://dragonflyreflections.wordpress.com/2010/06/09/passage-of-time/

[Puna]

To me, lighthouses are very nostalgic.

http://lifesignatures.org/wordpress/2010/06/june-17-cove-point-lighthouse/#comments

[Marcie]

I think I've gotta read Geneen Roth's book. Love the concept of the 'you without you'. Definitely something to think about...
It's in that stillness..that I so often find moments like this:
http://marciescudderphotography.com/index.php?showimage=1204

[Kelly Langner Sauer]

when SS featured Romina Bacci, i fell in love with photography all over again. i'd been shooting for years to be something i thought i had to be, looking for approval everywhere else. i didn't believe that what i saw and shot was good enough. Romina didn't have links to everywhere. she didn't have a flickr account or an "i want to be this when i grow up" attitude. she just was her. and i shut it all down, my efforts to be someone i'm not. i let me go and shot what i saw, and i've found my voice, finally. here is just one of a rapid-growing portrait of my heart: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kellylangnersauer/4709422720/

[Valerie]

I suppose it was the topic of food at the beginning that reminded me of these photos of my toddler son eating french fries. When I snapped the shutter, I was thinking about how innocently he loved the fries but how willing he was to be done when he'd had enough. Rather beautiful, really!

http://journeyleaf.typepad.com/journeyleaf/2010/06/the-parenting-stairway.html

[Cara]

I just love this post, I need to find the silence and the stillness.
This photo reminds me of being a kid and loving to just discover all that is new. This is my youngest checking out the rocks near the water at the base of Lower Yosemite Falls. I just sat there and watched him for a long time.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/11704811@N02/4696374804/

[traceyclark]

thank you thank you thank you for this maile.

[Kylie]

i don't have an image today, just wanted to say thank you for this post. its a timely reminder for me, and a good reminder to pick up that book!

[Trude]

Going home to Norway (was born there, moved to California when I was little, we visit my dad's family often) brings me peace. There's something in the air there that makes people slow down, the pace of life relaxes, I can draw deep breaths:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/trudem/2652830875/

Missing it even more because I couldn't afford to go this summer.

[darrah parker]

Oh boy. This post really resonated with me. Lately, I find myself holding the t.v. remote control in one hand and my iPhone in the other hand. And I wonder why I can't completely and truly relax!

I keep going back to this image as a reminder of pure joy. It was my nephew's third birthday. He received a scooter for his birthday and probably rode it for three or four hours (and could have ridden for longer if it hadn't gotten dark outside.) Here, I captured a moment of stillness and joy when he took a short break from the scooter to make a dandelion wish.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/artcetera/4556671178/

[jane]

beautiful and thought provoking...i was at a singing meditation last night and the stillness in the sound has no image but is soothing beyond sight and sound

[Diane]

Maille, you KNOW how to write. So much of what I read, or begin to read, on the 'net is useless or, if it has something worthwhile, it's so poorly written I just can't go on. Maybe that's a form of not being quiet for me??

I love so much this message and agree how important it is to remember who we were. I don't know that I have an image, at least not one in digital format, that I can share. I think I need to go have some nice quiet time, alone with some of my old photographs. Thank you for such a wonderfully thought-provoking post.

[Lori]

I loved this post. I am going to order this book and a copy for my mom and sister. Right now the computer has been where I escape (far too often). However, when I am in the pool - I am just me without the me. I don't worry about anything but feeling the water and moving. Thank you for sharing.

http://lorisanders.blogspot.com/2010/06/come-on-in-waters-fine.html

[mosey]

It's the first day of summer vacation for my daughter. We hauled out the pool, filled it up, and I was catapulted back to me 35 years ago - carefree, confident yet shy, unaware of the insecurities of the future...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7687752@N03/4709959185/

[elk]

i found it on a bench in the quiet morning :
http://www.redorgray.com/2010/06/twirly-twig-by-e-l-k-on-flickr.html

[Karen Maezen Miller]

We are all substance abusers, and we can abuse any and all substances to avoid facing the pure freedom of our lives.

[Faith]

wow. Thank you for sharing that. It sounds like a great book - and so right on.