Perfectly Imperfect Focus

When I first started shooting photography, I wanted perfectly crisp shots that were so focused they made you want to reach out and touch them. This was my goal with every single picture. When I did not achieve this, I felt like I had failed. It is funny how my photography beginnings paralleled my daily life. I wasted so many years trying to live up to this standard of perfection that others had outlined for me. You want to talk about setting yourself up to fail, try living up to other people's standards.

A couple of years ago, I was introduced to the Lensbaby and shooting for me became a new adventure. With the lens being manual, I had to go back to my film shooting roots and set my shutter speed and aperture manually. I admit, I was not a fan of the lens the first day I used it. I could not get my images sharp to save my life and I had become so dependent on using the semi-automatic settings on my camera that I had forgotten how to manually change my settings. Around this same time, I noticed a shift in my life. I had lost my identity, I was not sleeping well, I hated my job and I was still trying to live up to an impossible standard of perfection. I went on a hunt for the perfect hobby, thinking I would "find" myself in one of the five or so I did all at once. It did not work. I was still unhappy.

When I stopped trying to shoot the perfect picture, I started to appreciate the perfect imperfection of the lens. I discovered I loved shooting macro images of flowers. When I stopped trying to be perfect and embraced the simple pleasure of making a photograph, I found myself looking for imperfections in everything around me. It was this letting go of perfection that helped me love myself. Loving myself changed everything for me. I cut myself some slack, stopped apologizing for the person I was and embraced every single imperfect thing about myself.

Over the past year, I have been discovering who I am growing into. I will not lie and say the process has been pain-free. It has been downright painful, but the easiest thing I have been able to do is let go of perfection completely. Only God is perfect. And, if He can love me for who I am, imperfections and all, who am I to not love myself? This simple fact is when everything came into focus for me. Loving yourself...it starts there.

Words and self-portrait (reflection in The Bean, Chicago, IL) courtesy of Honorary Sisters / Guest Blogger Lucrecer Braxton, the woman beyond Art Slam.

Comments

[chris]

What you say resonates with me on a very deep level. Bravo to you, my friend. Bravo!

[Marcie]

What a wonderful metaphor and means of embracing and learning to love our imperfect selves. Thank-you for this today!!!

[giftsofthejourney (Elizabeth Harper)]

I struggle with letting go of imperfection too and tight focus can be one.

In the last photo on this post, you can see a slightly fuzzy one I saved and why I'm glad I did.

http://giftsofthejourney.wordpress.com/2010/05/30/budding-director-captures-the-moment/

[Robin~All Things Heart and Home]

"(I) stopped apologizing for the person I was..." this touched me at my essence. This year I'm feeling the call to ....stop apologizing.
Beautiful post...

[Puna]

What an wonderful read so early in the morning.

[georgia]

i couldn't agree more.
i sure needed this reminder.
thank you.

{nice to see a fellow chicagolander here.}

[Aia]

your words hit a chord with me. amazing things can happen when we 'let go'.

[gina]

totally awesome .... thanks for being so brave and sharing your heart~ <3

[Lu]

I am so glad my words touched so many of you. Sometime being real is the best thing you can do for yourself. Blessings to all.

[erika]

I can so relate to this post. Tack Sharp is all what I wanted. But now I love when people do Out of Focus so well. I'm going to add that to my list of Photog Goals!

[Denise]

Inspiring post. Thank you!

[Keri Always]

I thought this was going to be about how we should not delete all our not-quite-perfectly-focused shots and consider them through another's eyes or perspective. But it's about so much more. I can completely relate to the "acceptance of self and imperfections" and getting to know myself and how it's not so easy or fun and can be quite painful.

Thank you for the post and perspective and insight.

[amy z]

Wonderful, wonderful words. So very true. I have learned to not only embrace the imperfections in myself, but to celebrate them in others. Our imperfectness is what makes us human, what makes us real, and unique. Our world would be a very boring place if we all were perfect...so I look for the imperfect beauty that defines each of us in our own lovely way.

[Jennifer Gandin Le]

What a treat to see words and photos from the awesome Lucrecer here on Shutter Sisters! Perfection is a demon that hounds me, too. Lately I've been trying to adopt the "good enough" mindset. I'm not going for perfect, or even great; I just need it to be "good enough." Otherwise, I might never take any first steps toward the things I want.

Even typing that out loud makes me feel like a cop-out and wimp. Heh, perfection even now!

[Janice S.]

You described me to a T !! I don't always realize just how hard I am on myself. It's almost like I LOOK for the imperfections...point them out before anyone else can. I need to learn to accept myself, my photography, all my "flaws" and embrace them. Only then, I'm sure, will I be happy with ME! Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

[Lu]

Jennifer G, I have words for "good enough"...strive to be better, but according to YOUR terms, not those of society or anyone else. Embrace what is you, always. Easy to say, believe me. This is a daily thing for me and there are days I have to fight to stay positive. Declare in your life what you want and it will be. You just have to believe. We all need to cut ourselves some slack. We are perfect just the way we are. Imperfections are what makes us unique.

[Jane]

Amen!
We are always a work in progress. As are our captures!
Your message spoke directly to me too! Thank you!

[los angelista]

Thanks, Lu, for such a beautiful post. I also struggle with the perfection issue and I'm working on letting it go. It's tiresome to hold onto it, that's for sure.

[JessicaO]

It's hard to not want to be perfect. I empathize with you in that-- in photography and in life I find myself being almost obsessive about that striving for perfection. Cheers to you for being able to let go and embrace imperfection. It's not an easy thing to do by any means!

Never had a lensbaby, but I love seeing pictures made with them.

[mindy]

this is beautifully written and oh so true. loving yourself is the most important step. how can we truly love others if we can love ourselves.

thanks for the inspiration!

[Meggie(68beats)]

amazing post,
thank you <3

[Gail]

I love your beautiful soft focus self portrait...as well as the message. It can be difficult but I strive to see the beauty not only in the everyday but in the imperfections too...

[Mary Anne Morgan]

I love this girl. Thanks for your bravery in this post! Now I want a lensbaby! YES! That and Jesus just might set me free! :)
Love,
~MAry Anne

[Ann Newman]

That is beautifully expressed. I love the photo; it has so much more character than a sharp focused shot.

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