My Home

We're thrilled to welcome today's guest post from 16-year-old Suzanna Hodges, budding photographer and niece of Shutter Sister Stephanie Roberts.

Hand-me-down cheerleading uniforms from the nineties craftily adjusted with safety pins. Late night milkshake runs and relished school night sleepovers. Playing online solitaire on outdated computers in Technology class. Rubbery chicken nuggets and soggy french fries. A reserved table at Waffle House where hot chocolate and raisin toast are passed from person to person. Sitting on the roof with my three best friends and sharing our biggest secrets and dreams about the future. Dissecting frogs in Chemistry and gossip sessions in the girls' bathroom about the cute new basketball coach. Packing a car full of girls in a vehicle driven by a newly licensed driver heading to celebrate. Being in a class full of the people you finger-painted with, the people you solved long division with, and the people with whom you will graduate.

I am a high school student who has anticipated leaving the mold of my small town since seventh grade. I’m just a girl who has dreamt of finally meeting new friends.  A girl who is tired of the close-minded views and too conservative values of my southern town. I am the girl who has always been a little different from the rest of my classmates who plan to attend a close-to-home college and come right back home when they are finished. I’m the girl who gets crazy looks from my peers when I share my love for the city, my dreams of traveling, or my tolerance for certain practices or beliefs. I’m the strange girl who loves to write and take pictures – expressing my angst of growing up and capturing the essence of the life around me.

But I am also a high school student who is beginning to realize that the longing I have had since early adolescence is slowly being replaced by dread. Dread of leaving my Mama's reassuring arms and my Daddy's protective gaze. Dread of stepping outside my sheltered neighborhood and the tendencies of leaving back doors unlocked and windows cracked open. Dread of never again walking down the halls of the school that has guided me through every year of my life since kindergarten. Dread of leaving the overshadowed charm, class, and hospitality of a town I truly love. Dread of never seeing some of my twenty-six classmates after they don their caps and gowns and head out on their own paths into the future. Dread that is making me realize some of the same factors that push me to leave so badly are the same ones that call me to come right back home.

High school... sometimes it's all I can do to stop myself from packing my bags and leaving everything behind me. But whether I like to admit it or not, high school and my life here are a very big part of who I am. A part of me that I love with all my heart…

a part of me that will always be home.

* * *

Do you have a young Shutter Sister in your life? Please introduce them to us in the comments so we can get a glimpse of life through their eyes and embrace them in our sisterhood.

Comments

[Jennifée]

What a beautifully written post. Good luck with it all!

[chris]

I have been out of high school for many years but reading your words brought all back to me. Some things will always be the same and never change. I too, felt just as you. Welcome, Suzanna. It's lovely to have you here. ;)

[Estelle]

My god-daughter is a shutter sister searching and asking the questions. At 15 she has a beautiful way of seeing things!
Thanks for sharing all the emotions involved in growing up!

[Marcie]

What a beautifully written..heartfelt..honest post. My daughter - now a senior in college - is a shuttersister and writer..and I'm sure will relate to this.
And here - an image I just recently made - that (I think) evokes some of the intimacy among friends:
http://marciescudderphotography.com/index.php?showimage=1436

[Kat]

Gorgeous post Suzanna, thank you for sharing it with us. I love what you said, you take home with you wherever you go. There is so much adventure to be had and confidence to be gained by exploring the wider world around us. We are strengthened by what we learn in that exploration, just as we are by our roots back home. I wish you so much luck and joy and love as you head out into the great unknown.

[Debi]

thank you suzanna. i think perhaps we live in the same town. :) sometimes i just pretend i'm living in a foreign place - too true! i am the grown woman getting the crazy looks. but i am here by choice and that makes it better, a bit easier. beautifully written.

[mary]

you have such a gift for writing. your words have touched my heart. i pray that you will have the courage to reach for your dreams and yet always remain grounded by the place and people you call home.

[CDScott]

Thank you for sharing this. It's beautiful. I left my own small town years ago and still carry around the love for all the things that made me want to leave. My best wishes to you.

[Triish]

What a great post!

[meredith winn]

hi suzanna, what a great post! even though it's been many years, the stories you share are universal for so many of us it seems, regardless of time and space. "I’m the girl who gets crazy looks from my peers when I share my love for the city, my dreams of traveling, or my tolerance for certain practices or beliefs. I’m the strange girl who loves to write and take pictures" that was me too. the thrill of the traveling adventure. the restlessness. the world was much bigger than my own town. (it still is) i think you'll find, as i did, that when you spend more time out in the world searching for what your heart wants most... you'll realize that there are others out there just like you. and that is the best feeling in the world. keep writing! keep taking photographs!

[Becky Sue]

Wonderful post and great blog. You have an amazing future ahead of you. Best of luck!

[~Kristina]

Awesome post! I wish I had a community like this to relate to when I was growing up.

[Misty Dawn]

This is a truly well-written, spectacular post! Such honestly, clarity, and maturity. You really have a talent for writing! I'm off to check out your blog. If it's full of posts like this, I'll definitely be a follower!

[spread your wings]

what a beautifully written post and wonderful blog from this young girl. great stuff. good luck to Suzanna

i do have a young shutter sister in my life - my daughter. and although she's not so young anymore she is the one who inspired me. At the young age of 14 she had, in my opinion, an incredible eye for photography - she helped me see differently.
Now she is using her talent for a good cause - helping to adopt dogs rescued from the shelter in Athens, GA.
here is her set
http://www.flickr.com/photos/shutterxdown/sets/72157625586416666/
how can you resist those dogs?

[Marla]

An insightful young lady . . . much luck to her in her future endeavors . . .

[jen]

Suzanna - brilliant post. Just beautiful. Keep writing and photographing! You have a great voice.

[rawqueen]

What a writer you are! Suzanna, I shared the same wanderlust and joy for journeying when I was leaving high school. You will continue to be wonderful. I am awed by your skills of introspection and wisdom. I live in another country now,(Jamaica), and long for home often. Daily. It is all a part of us and we are a part of it all. I can't imagine how my life may have felt different or more fulfilled if I had access to this kind of community and technology when I was your age. What a blessings. I wish you love, light, laughter and a whole heap a more life! One Love and thank you for sharing a glimpse of your brilliance here. It makes me excited for my three year old daughter, growing up in a very creative world!
One Love

[Ali]

Wonderfully vivid words. Keep writing and keep taking photos - just awesome.

[georgia]

very cool! i didn't know you were stephanie roberts' niece! i have your lovely blog in my blog roll! love to see someone young like you writing and taking pictures... and both very talentedly, at that.

i have a literal shutter sister... my twin sister is also into photography like me. here is her blog:
http://anjel-cake.blogspot.com/

and here is the blog we collaborate together on:
http://ethereal-two.blogspot.com/

[Lisa]

Oh I definitely know what you feel like! I probably could have written something similar when I was 16. And I did leave, and I have seen so much, and experienced so much. I don't really relate to the friends I left behind, because they are still there, living the same life, and I'm here, and my life has changed many times over. It's an interesting dynamic. The hardest part is being away from my family, and knowing that I may never live near them again. It's hard but it's worth it, because this is MY life, and I am living it, and I am putting my own stamp on it. You are going to go far! <3

[AmyG]

Such a wonderful post! Thank you for sharing. My niece Lauren is 16 and is completely dedicated to photography, art, fashion and getting to art school in the big city after high school. Here's a link to her blog. If you could see her pictures on Facebook you'd understand how in awe I am of her enormous talent!
http://www.theworldasweknowittoday.blogspot.com/
Your post reminded me a lot of her. Good luck in your future dreams!

[Raemi Anderson]

Suzanna, your writing is beautiful and so is the photo! I would have loved to have had a place such as this when I was your age to express my thoughts and creative photography. You know my dad once told me "this is only one chapter closing for you. The rest of your story is waiting to be told!" Essentially, you have your whole life ahead of you. I can see that this will be such a wonderful way for you to document, grow and express your journey in life! It's exciting! I hope you enjoy the next chapter!

[Paula Kiger]

Great, honest post! Thank you for sharing this, and best wishes as you embark on your journey - it'll be SO GOOD to see and do other things, trust me on this!!

[Katrina]

Beautiful post!

[traceyclark]

thank you suzanna for sharing this poetic post and image with us here. it is an honor to have you here, expressing your thoughts and feelings. i think many of us can relate to what you are saying. it's the push and pull of life and love and big dreams. you are right on here with knowing that no matter where you go, what you do, there is always the home of the heart to come back to. that part of you that is home.

i cannot wait to share this with my 13yo daughter today. she will be heading to high school next year and is feeling a little of this right now I know, as she and her friends will be scattering to different schools next year. there is something magic about what you know and scary about the unknown. rest assured, you are going to love what comes next. i just know it!

(my daughter can be found on her blog: http://everythingawesomeblog.blogspot.com/ ) : )

[Sarah - Ji]

Beautiful...I feel ya, sista...and oh my gosh, the framing of that self-portrait is PERFECT!

[Meg]

Wow, this was such an amazing post. Though some aspects I cannot relate to at all, I can almost seem myself in other aspects. How never wracking yet exciting the future and change can be, especially when really approaching it for the first time in your young life. Even though it happened for me over a decade ago, the memories are still so clear. I know it all worked out alright, but retrospect is such a funny thing.

Best of luck to you in your journey, may your creativity help guide you through!

[WorthIt!]

Thanks for sharing your perspective, Suzanna. You truly have the gift of expression both written and visual.

My niece's 14th birthday is right around the corner and, because she has expressed an interest in photography, my gift to her is my old Cannon AE-1, some film and some lessons on how to put it to good use. I will also introduce her to Shutter Sisters so she can stay motivated and continue to grow on her journey.

I wish you the best of luck as you begin the next chapter of your life and education - so very exciting indeed!

[summerbl4ck]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your story, Suzanna! And let me say that the dread you feel is actually a good thing. It means leaving is the right thing to do. To paraphrase Eleanor Roosevelt, you should do the things that scare you. Many years ago I was where you are now. In a small town, in a small school, itching to see and know the world. But I also had that fear of leaving. What pushed me over the edge was that I finally realized that my fear of staying was even stronger. Over the passing years, I've always remembered that fear, almost cherished it, and let it lead me in making big decisions throughout my life. And ultimately I think it has lead me on an amazing path. Good luck on yours!

[Hollis]

This is an incredible post! It sure inspired me girl! O'm in the same place, 16 year old in high school, living in a small town, having the fear of stepping out into the unknown world.... but I know that with God as my refuge I can do all things! I love writing and photography! I wouldn't be who I was today if it wasn't for the my shutter that is almost always in-front of me. Photography is such an inspiring way to speak to people, and yourself :)
Keep up the inspiring work! :)

[Tammy]

Oh how I can/ could relate.... It's been years since I was a 16 yr old girl wondering about the next phase in my life. It was a confusing and anxious time but oh how glad I am for taking the leap! Go and go far my dear!

[Jennifer M.]

You are such a gifted writer and photographer. Such a beautiful post. You are going to go far in life. :)

[ELK]

suzy q .. feels like a new - old friend ..have been enjoying your blog for awhile..and I understand your feelings since i am a mom of a freshman in college .. no t easy to leave !!

http://www.redorgray.com/2011/01/as-i-return-to-work-today-i-carry-in-my.html

[xanthe]

Beautiful, keep shooting and writing. Enjoy your journey x.

[Tracy]

Wonderful writing and a compelling photo! As a small town girl I can remember feeling much the way you do. Best of luck to you on your journey.

[kristal]

Suzanna~ I think you described what so many of us have felt when highschool was almost over. I remember these feelings so well. I felt so different in highschool, as well. I got along with everyone in highschool, but still felt different. I envied the ones who knew exactly what they wanted to be when they got out of school. I had ideas, but was too fearful to pursue them. You sound like you are a remarkable girl and I'm sure you'll be just fine. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your photo. Love them both!

[Holly { Soupatraveler }]

Wonderful post! You are truly a talented writer and photographer who seems to see things exactly as they are for you! Best of luck with your future travels, near and far! xoxoxo

[monica]

What a beautiful and true post, Suzanna. I know exactly the feeling you are talking about: that mix of anticipation for the unknown future that is wide open to you at this age, and the knowing that once you are grown up, there is no going back. These days you will never have again, and you will look back later on in life and say "Thank goodness" as well as feel a twinge of longing for the days when life seemed a bit simpler. I remember lying in my bedroom at home the night before heading off to college and really taking it all in. The feeling that this was it, this was the end of my "childhood" and from here on out, it was whole different ballgame. And oh, what a ballgame it's been! So many new journeys in both the internal and external landscapes of life. The dread will propel you into new and exciting places, but at the core of it all is home. May your journey be blessed with new discoveries, and profound friendships, and lots and lots of beauty. I have a feeling it will be incredible!

[uncle Marshall]

it looks like we have a future writer in our midst.....

[Liz]

Beautiful post- checked out your blog too. Even more beautiful words and photos. Keep sharing your talent! And know that your mama will always be there to welcome you into her arms :)

[Trina]

Sue-Sue.....I love you! As I sit here sobbing, after reading your eloquently written "story", I feel dread.... that you're leaving us, and your sweet smile and sweeter influence will only be around on weekends that you're not "too busy" to come home! God speed! The best is yet to come! xo

[Kiki]

What a great post. Took me right back to the end of high school for me, which was soooo many years ago. But in my mind's eye right now I can see one of the last photos I took there, in our beloved art room, our little gang of "new wave" girls, glad to be done, sad to be going . . . Good luck! Seems to me you're off to a great start!