cathartic

Lately I am finding real peace the when I use my camera to work through something personal.  Life gets messy, sometimes scary, but when I pause and acknowledge those moments through my lens, I feel a release.  This is not for everyone, this is for me.  I am visual. I process life through my lens. I snap, I write, I move through, I let go, I get on with things. This was one week out post hysterectomy. This day 1 week ago I was under anesthesia, surrendering everything to the great unknown.  I feared many things.  I feared not waking.  I feared waking.  I feared the possibility of pain, for surely it would come. I woke. I did have some pain. Now I was 7 days out, fresh from my morning shower when it hit me that those very same moments 1 week ago were so scary and yet here I was safe, changed, different, but well and healing.  I wanted to mark that moment.  I wanted it to be real and to see me, the me now. I wanted to nod and tell this me all will be well, and so i picked up my camera and clicked. I have no shame in this photo. This is the real 39 year old me.  My soft belly and thick legs. That tattoo i got at age 22 when i was so sure of everything and so full of myself. That bunion on my right foot that sticks out and prevents me from ever wearing awesome heels. This body that birthed 3 babies, but now has no uterus. It is all ok. All will be well. Funny thing when you share a piece of yourself you ultimately wind up touching others. For we are all women, mothers, sisters, daughters, sharing our human experience. We all feel, struggle, grieve, fear, celebrate, love, and mourn. I feel when I use my camera to work through something personal, somehow it makes it not so scary.

The sisterhood is full of courage, grace and emotion.  You inspire me to be more open and brave with my own photography.

Do you give yourself permission to photograph your real emotions in difficult times? Do you find your  photography cathartic?

Comments

[Doris]

This was beautifully written, very power. Thank you for sharing this with us — it's an inspiration. I think it's a beautiful portrait of a beautiful woman.

[Titanium]

Looking at your photograph, what I see is strong feet. Gripping the floor, toes pulled back like a dancer or martial artist. I see strength, I see courage and tenacity and hope and anticipation. My first impression was that I was looking at a beautiful black and white silk kimono above the feet. I had to read your post twice through and then reorient to realize what you were picturing.

As a woman, a photographer, a martial artist, mountaineer, mother and wife... I see incredible beauty in this shot that you've shared. Thank you for lending us your perspective and allowing us to share ours with you.

[Jen Clark]

I love love love this picture and the story that goes with it. Thank you so much for sharing!!! I normally haven't taken photos like this, but when prompted to "give yourself a hand" in the Picture Winter class, I did take this:

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_-VvsBQMO5DU/TURm_1_WdFI/AAAAAAAAAFY/lln2yqDx8Dw/s1600/Jan+27+-+Give+Yourself+a+Hand+%2528Small%2529.jpg

I am the type to hide behind the camera or photoshop myself when I am in front of it... so this really spoke to me about being 'real' with yourself and with others. Thank you!

~Jen

[Emma]

I hope you recover quickly and well, physically and emotionally, it's certainly not an easy surgery you've had.

Photography has certainly been beneficial to me over the past few months. Having depression makes me very unmotivated and sorry for myself. Stupid really because physical illnesses can't be helped whereas I do think I can talk myself out of the blues. Taking photos, editing them, talking about photography, looking at other's photography and being inspired has brought me out of myself and makes me feel so much more alive.

What a fantastic post.

Thanks to you for sharing and all the other readers also.

[Nikki]

BEATUIFUL picture! I love that you shared your story and the placement of the book, Naked, is ironic but very appropiate.

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