cathartic
Wednesday, April 20, 2011 by Kristin Zecchinelli 
Lately I am finding real peace the when I use my camera to work through something personal. Life gets messy, sometimes scary, but when I pause and acknowledge those moments through my lens, I feel a release. This is not for everyone, this is for me. I am visual. I process life through my lens. I snap, I write, I move through, I let go, I get on with things. This was one week out post hysterectomy. This day 1 week ago I was under anesthesia, surrendering everything to the great unknown. I feared many things. I feared not waking. I feared waking. I feared the possibility of pain, for surely it would come. I woke. I did have some pain. Now I was 7 days out, fresh from my morning shower when it hit me that those very same moments 1 week ago were so scary and yet here I was safe, changed, different, but well and healing. I wanted to mark that moment. I wanted it to be real and to see me, the me now. I wanted to nod and tell this me all will be well, and so i picked up my camera and clicked. I have no shame in this photo. This is the real 39 year old me. My soft belly and thick legs. That tattoo i got at age 22 when i was so sure of everything and so full of myself. That bunion on my right foot that sticks out and prevents me from ever wearing awesome heels. This body that birthed 3 babies, but now has no uterus. It is all ok. All will be well. Funny thing when you share a piece of yourself you ultimately wind up touching others. For we are all women, mothers, sisters, daughters, sharing our human experience. We all feel, struggle, grieve, fear, celebrate, love, and mourn. I feel when I use my camera to work through something personal, somehow it makes it not so scary.
The sisterhood is full of courage, grace and emotion. You inspire me to be more open and brave with my own photography.
Do you give yourself permission to photograph your real emotions in difficult times? Do you find your photography cathartic?
Reader Comments (56)
i hope you will heal fast in every way... physically and emotionally. my mom had to have a hysterectomy about ten years ago, and i know she struggled a lot with it. but you are a lot younger, and i am sure you will heal much faster. still, i know there are so many emotions tied to it. i wish you the best during this time... may you learn more about yourself and grow through this experience. thank you for sharing it with us... women who are experiencing many of the same types of thoughts and feelings. all the best to you.
{p.s. ...i also have bunions... on both feet!}
http://www.marciescudderphotography.com/home/2011/4/19/turned-tables.html
And - me too - I've been thru the same surgery as you...shared many of the same fears..and - now - 2 years later am on the other side and its all been forgotten. Wishing you a speedy recovery..and that you're back on your feet and into life soon!
Photography saved me. I kind of got thrown in the deep end with an alcoholic abusive partner and struggling to find work, and being stuck because of it in a foreign country. I managed to slowly crawl my way back through the gift of photography.
Susannah's course was one of the first things that helped me use the camera to capture those raw emotions/moments of myself.
I can proudly say that I've still got a long way to go...but I finished the London Marathon this weekend.
Hysterectomy or not.... you are one awesome woman! You rock! You inspire and touch so many of us!!
Thank you for that.
There have been a couple of times when I find my emotions spilling out. Sometimes its through blogging and the use of photography http://dychedesigns.blogspot.com/2011/03/images-of-different-kind.html . . . . . other times its through sharing my emotions through my artwork http://dychedesigns.blogspot.com/2011/04/my-heart-on-limb.html.
http://lifesignatures.org/wordpress/2011/04/april-20-sunshine-on-me/
xoxo
You should take all the time and photos you need to go thru this process ... wishing you peace, love, light and healing.
Oh, yeah, bunions here, too!! just had to add that!
xx
http://www.flickr.com/photos/dorkymum/5600149377
I tend to lean on photography and creating when my mind starts sinking into the dark place. It helps to see the world in a different light. Through my lens, the lines seem softer. Even the hard lines show their beauty more easily. It helps me to grasp onto life beyond mine; it helps anchors me. Even if I don't share some of what I capture during those times, I can look at my photos and know what's out there--all the possibility, all the hope--and that helps.
thank you so much for sharing your experience. I hope your recovery is smooth and quick.
Katy
I absolutely love this photo and your words, and especially what all of these wise women wrote in the comment section. I have had the most difficult 3 years of my life with no light in sight sometimes, and photography is what saved me. It is very cathartic to express myself, my pain, my doubt, and my hope through my photos. I am very visual as well so this is my therapy. I find when I am actually happy I take fewer photos because I am so in the moment of joy. But interestingly enough, when I am depressed, taking a photo actually brings me back to the current moment and not the past or future which is where I often dwell.
So, thank you for your honesty with your photo and what you're going through. I am in full agreement that hiding does no good. Telling others about your pain makes them feel less alone and it's healing for all!
And man, this is one powerful photo you took! Whew! Love it!
Here's one I recently took:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/papillonsky/5390620610/in/set-72157613170559543
With this image I wanted to show how worn out and uninspired I was feeling during the cold winter days
http://www.flickr.com/photos/libertadleal/5402396107
Here I expressed grief at the untimely death of a good friend
http://www.flickr.com/photos/libertadleal/4817338348
September 2010 was a real hard month for me. I think my expression says it all here. I could not even think of a title:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/libertadleal/4966705792
And lastly this image was so sweet and colorful but by taking all color away I tried to show that I had been hurt and I was sad without saying it outright:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/libertadleal/5580945661
thank you.
Thank you for sharing your truth. Heal well. You are a beautiful soul.
You can feel the shifting.
When I went through my miscarriage, I found meaning in my camera- I shot things that spoke to me, I created when my body refused. I totally understand using this art form to work out what is happening.
xoxo
How powerful your story is! Thank you for sharing this, for your photo, and your courage. It's all very inspiring.
Blessings to you in this time of healing.
One of the more surprising things I have discovered in the last year is learning how much the images I create teach me and help me work through deeper emotions. I am continually finding out more of myself through the images and the words I put with them. Not only my words, but sometimes the words of others are incredibly insightful and helpful. Here is my most recent example: http://www.kateyeview.com/2011/04/flowers-marking-time-two-years-in-italy.html
I hope to work on an image later that's been calling me to grab the camera and process, there is nothing quite like the way it feels to bring the shame, pain, joy, emotion to the light through the lens....and the community of women who help us carry our loads when they feel cumbersome is beyond amazing...
you are amazing. and so loved. xo
also p.s love david sedaris, stupid bunions, me too, right foot. stupid bad shoes in my 20s.
xox. michel
http://www.flickr.com/photos/impossibletask/5633174443/in/photostream
on a different note: i have 2 wicked bunions ... and i still try to wear silly shoes.
when will i learn?
I'm so amazed by all you do. It is wonderful.
ps -- bunions here too, both sides. you actually introduced me to keens, and I wore them all last summer. don't you hate how not being able to wear pretty shoes messes up your entire wardrobe?! I think What Not to Wear need to dedicate an episode to someone who can ONLY wear orthopaedic shoes!
I do find catharsis in my photography and recently took a photograph of my wrists side by side, the one with the know famous cherry blossom tatttoo and the other covered in thick scars from when i tried so many times to..well i think you get the idea. I don't feel like that these days so it seemed right but not to share, not yet.
i ment to say with every woman that makes the choice to look.
and have a fast easy recovery. you are such inspiration to all.
There are some brave women here, sharing stories, making us all feel a little more a part of what it means to be human. This is exactly what I signed up for when I started sharing my photos.
Kristin, you have such courage to share this way. You reveal so much through so little. I adore your embracing of the imperfections that tell your story. Bravo. Very inspiring.
Chantal, it's not easy for any of us, but life is so much fuller when we can share. And you did share! Isn't this sisterhood pretty incredible?
Carrie, your story really moved me. Sounds like your healing has already begun. I'm so glad you shared too. We all hurt, we all struggle.
I came to photography because it finally gave me a voice for things I didn't otherwise know how to express. While I'm shy on technical skills, sometimes it just feels good to let the emotions show.
The simple truth:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/58066769@N05/5638238977/
I love that photography helps me transcend a written language....
finding myself behind the lens....
in a moment when my heart begins to beat faster....
and i click the shutter quickly....
thinking...
THIS is how I feel.
It always strikes me that months and years later I can look back at that seemingly mundane photo and have that powerful feeling return....
Thank you for this.....xoxo
we all heal each other with our stories and our images by sharing with one another freely.
XO
kristin
Then I read the story. Then I read the comments. Look how many people you touched (or knocked off their feet.
Tomorrow I'm going to take a phot of my naked chest which I havent had the courage to look at yet. Maybe I'll be able to look at the picture first and me second.
Also, I photographed myself naked in the (pretty dark) room of my best friend who had died a year earlier... I will scan them one day.
For now, I have these:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/juliealvarez/5529871074/in/photostream
http://www.flickr.com/photos/juliealvarez/5626684904/in/photostream
http://www.flickr.com/photos/juliealvarez/4902746675/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/juliealvarez/5545580020/in/photostream
What's interesting to me is that I seem to do it in my most trying times. I am normally a bubbly happy person, and to for others to see me vulnerable is hard not only for them but for me. What I realized now is that I can really start to see who I truly am beyond the impression I have of myself in my head.
Now that I have nearly captured every hurdle in life that has affected me emotionally and mentally ovate last year, I can look back and it tells me a little more about myself each time. I love being able to physically see my progression of triumph or outcome. It really reveals more about my personality more than I ever thought I could fathom. Now I try to push myself to reveal that "human" part of me even when I want to shy away from the world.