proof

Every once in awhile we are gifted one of those moments, those moments when something so obvious finally clicks in our head.  "LIGHT BULB!" (said in my best Gru voice) This past weekend, while cleaning out my basement, I realized that I had box, upon box, upon box of family photos.  Albums stuffed full of family portraits and snapshots.  Not posed photos, just shots of regular ordinary days and moments. Maybe a bigger life event thrown in here or there, like a birthday or a new baby, but mostly just life. Funny thing about all those shots, no one edited them or photoshopped them, or deleted them before they had a chance to be seen.  Photo upon photo of me as a child, my mom at the age I am now, all of my family members sitting there in those boxes looking back at me from the beauty of film. They are not hiding from the camera, or stretching out their neck to avoid the sagging neck skin, no, just smiles and real expressions.  Then I started to think about the shots of me the past 5 years.  There aren't many. Why? Mostly because I am the one holding the camera.  I am in control of not only what gets shot, but what remains and what is uploaded. Even if there is a shot taken of me, I have the option to hit that ever tempting delete button at all times.  Herein may lie the true gift of film,  there was no delete button! No one was turning their camera around and previewing their images then choosing what was kept and what was not. Now hear me out, I love digital, I love playing with my images, composing shots, clicking away to my heart's content.  I would not trade that, but what if the control that provides me ultimately keeps me from having images of myself?  What will my kids have when they are my age I am now?  They will have bazillion photos of themselves, yes definitely taking care of that, but what will they have of me, and us together, if I continue to delete them? I have all the excuses, "I look fat (I have been overweight most of my adult life so obviously I am not changing that overnight). This shot shows my double chin. Ugh look at those crows feet! My skin is showing its age and years of sun worshipping. The greys are taking over my scalp." blah. blah. blah. BORING. Do my kids care about all those excuses?  Do they look at me with the same critical eye I am obviously applying to myself?  Of course not. Aren't I teaching them that beauty comes in all shapes sizes colors and ages, yet somehow not applying those lessons to images of my own self?  Guilty as charged. 

SO what do I do about it?  I need to change, and I have been on this path searching for the beauty of me. Not about the pretty, all about the proof. The proof of my life.  The ME in our moments. I want my children to look back and have proof of this me now, and the me tomorrow, and the me 5 years from now.

Yesterday we went to the beach.  I had my camera along, clicking away at my kids.  They were flying kites, running in the sand, feeding the seagulls and I was watching them and documenting it all. I wanted proof that I was there too so I shot my feet in the sand next to my youngest's feet.  Later that afternoon as I was watching them run, I turned the camera around and clicked the image above. Just me, off center, slightly out of frame, soaking in the sun, crows feet and grey hairs representing. Content, present, alive, me, now.  Not for pretty, just for proof.

Does this speak to you?  Do you feel like you too hide or delete too much of YOU from your images? Fellow shutter sister Meredith Winn and I are launching our very first 6 week e-course in self portraiture next Monday April 23rd. Click on over to NOW YOU to read more about our upcoming class. Perhaps this is a journey you are ready to leap into too. 

Today I challenge you, I want to see your proof.  I do not want you to stress over editing or composing. I just want you to hold your camera in your hands, turn it around and focus on the beauty of you. Click!  Don't delete it. Upload and share your image with me please.  You are worthy.  You are here.  You deserve to be seen just as you are right now in this moment.

xo.

Comments

[Jessie]

Oh honey if you're overweight then I must be a whale LOL!! I'm all signed up for the self-portrait class and CANNOT wait!! I'm sure we are all going to have loads and loads of fun :)

[Rachael Brown]

oh I could have written these exact words.........oh oh oh I feel so tearful...........

[Gabriela]

Oh so true of me as well, when I look at our recent family vacation photos, guess who is missing: me! Here's is the closest I came:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/gamaraca/6923161814/in/photostream/

I'm all singed up and so looking forward to it!

[cara]

such a great post with several great points (do my kids care about...? and what you are teaching them if you delete the photos you don't like)...i sent this off to my mom who never lets me take her photo anymore even though she is still so beautiful!

[sandra]

i love every word of this, kristin. here's my proof for today: http://www.flickr.com/photos/myinspiredheart/6944092532/in/photostream

[Linda]

I recently started to embrace a self-portrait journey. Sometimes it's kinda fun!

http://divaweigh.blogspot.com/2012/04/i-signed-up-to-participate-in-self.html

[PetinaHope]

I totally do this-- never post a photo where you can see my double-chin, or if I'm looking a little out of shape. I'm in such a tiny fraction of my own albums!

This is one I kinda liked. :-)

http://petinahopephotography.wordpress.com/2012/02/29/adventure-new-delhi-india/wm-10-of-13/

[xanthe]

It's been TOO long since I did an SP... thanks for the reminder.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/xantheberkeley/7090386587/

[Deb]

I love what you have to share in this post. I've been feeling the same way and posted a self portrait yesterday for similar reasons. I've been feeling the need to say, this is me, right here, right now.

http://debmedina.blogspot.com/2012/04/world-in-black-and-white.html

[kate sutterfield]

http://polkadotrunner.wordpress.com/2012/04/18/me/

[Heather]

Loving your own image is revolutionary, I think. As women especially, we're pressured to constantly find fault with how we look and there are ideal beauty standards none of us can possibly attain. I always loved looking at photos of people's faces with all their "imperfections" because those were exactly the things that made them beautiful to me, the things that made them unique. It took me forever to turn that compassionate eye back onto myself but once I did it was so worth it. Here's an instagram I took for last week's Self Portrait Friday: http://www.flickr.com/photos/heather-cox/7074838311/in/photostream

[KarenC]

I think I delete almost every image of myself! Thank you for the challenge to ignore the imperfections and embrace the joy.

[Meghan @ Life Refocused]

Love, love, love this post, Kristin. So much of it resonates with me. We all need photos of ourselves, at every age, in all the small and big moments. *sigh* And yes, film helps you keep them all -- no deleting! xoxo

[Michelle]

AGREE...I'm right there with you. My branching out has been family portraits each month and wow they are even hard. Can't imagine self portraits! ugh!

[Cathy]

I did it... I signed up, all because of this post. the whole thing scares me! But I did it. I signed up!

http://mycornerthroughmylens.blogspot.com/
Cathy

[Andrea]

Greeting the morning with your wonderful post, and an sooc photo of myself. Thank you for the little push!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/beauty_goodness_truth/7090620553/

[Adriana]

Loved this post so much. I am ready for the journey! Just signed up. =)

[traceyclark]

so inspired by this and by you Kristin. : )
here's my proof this AM: http://www.flickr.com/photos/maypapers/6944709450/in/photostream

[vanessa]

today I will do just this (in prep for next week!) and then I will come back and share it with all of you wonderful, brave and inspiring people.
xo

[life in eden]

I don't like my profile, but your side view inspired me :)
http://www.flickr.com/photos/32837589@N07/6945148888/in/photostream

[Terri Porter]

This post speaks to most of us, I'm sure. I know how much I adore the photos of my mom and I want my kids (and grandkids) to have those too. This one was taken last year at Camp Shutter Sisters.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/terriporter/6341365699/in/set-72157626344573601

[marina]

thank you Kristin for this wonderful post and for inspiring me to take a sp and share my proof http://instagr.am/p/JkWZSrFr0o/

[Kelly]

OMG....really? I am honored to be a sister that is among not only the beauty that surrounds us, but the feelings that we all feel at one time or another...to validate we all go through the exact thing...then WHY are we so hard on ourselves and each other?
Anyhow...i grabbed my camera....this is my proof...
http://kelly-justaclickaway.blogspot.com/2012/04/i-am.html


I AM HERE>

[journeyswithasimplegirl]

i really love you.
thanks for this push, friend.
and proof that i am here, in my skin and heart today:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/journeyswithasimplegirl/7091663147/in/photostream

[Kelsey]

This is so true! I've been trying to hand the camera over to other people...it's hard, but definately worth it. I tell them, "Take some pictures of me. Please?" And they do! :)

[Kim Klassen]

so beautiful Kristin... love you...... i took one for the team. :) jokes... honestly ... you are so inspiring... xo

http://ink361.com/#/photos/172619903126989574_2505761

[Kathy Winter]

Thank you for your post and convincing me to hand-off the camera once in awhile....or as in the link below, at least turn the cellphone camera on myself.

http://kathycaptureslife.wordpress.com/2012/04/19/me-almost-unfiltered/

[tamara]

wow...when i signed up for the course i wasn't thinking extra stuff that goes along with taking a self portrait...like the emotional, self-critical stuff. yep, my eyes are sort of different sizes and my smile is crooked, and my hair...don't get me started. that's been a loooong journey for the past 44 years. enough already! i'm ready to relax about this. i want to see ME...better yet i want to REMEMBER me: frizzy hair, crooked eyes, me. and i want others to too. i'm heading into self portraiture with open arms. here's my proof as of 10 minutes ago. i took this with my phone and quickly loaded it to instagram {because it's new to me and i'm totally obsessed.}

http://www.flickr.com/photos/59203832@N07/6946134792/in/photostream

beautiful post. thank you so much. :)

[Leigh]

Here I am. A photo of me laying on the ground trying to find a relief from back pain. Definitely not my favorite self portrait, but this is me. Right now.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/loveleeokc/6946205748/in/photostream

[Jade]

Beautiful post Kristin. I think it's so important to make sure that you include yourself within those memories. I'm always thinking about that. I think it's why I take so many photos of myself and Cory. I think about years from now when we start a family and how I want our children to know us when we were young.

[pencilfox]

i am so glad i was prompted to shoot this capture of myself.
when i looked at the photo, the very words out of my mouth:
not bad, if i don't say so myself.
time to turn it all around.
time to love myself.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/58942867@N06/7092282615/in/photostream

[Misty]

Inspired. Took this today as a result, not at my best- but this is really just me. http://www.flickr.com/photos/mistyp11/7092334025/in/photostream

[Vanessa]

my proof.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/glitch_nitch/6946333424/in/photostream/

[katharine]

My first reaction to your picture was that you are beautiful & natural.. This is my first visit to your site - and that was honestly my first thought.. :) Thank you for this post - I HATE seeing pictures of myself, but more & more i think, my kids will have no pictures of their mama.. And that makes me sad. I love looking at old pictures of my mama, she is truly beautiful, on the inside & out.. Making a change, thank you!!

[kylie]

thank you for this.
i was here.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/madelynsmum/7092626711/in/photostream

[urban muser]

what a beautiful and inspiring post kristin.i've challenged myself this year to take some selfies with film--no deleting, no editing. when i look at this photo from yesterday there are many things i'd like to change, but it's just me, just as i am, and that's OK.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/urbanmuser/6945263658/

[beth]

Thank you Kristin for sharing. You are such an inspiration to me-- for so many reasons. I'm still thinking about your "bubbles" post and the journey that led you to today. I feel like you do, that it's too easy to delete what we don't like to somehow dishonor the fact that we are here. That we love our families and friends but would just prefer to be behind the scenes, out of sight, helping others be noticed. Here's a picture that I took for our TwoTakes class. It was incredibly difficult for me to summon up the courage to take this photo, and even harder to share it with others. But here I am doing it again...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/65102482@N04/7049075267/

I wish, I wish, I wish I could take the class that you and Meredith are teaching. I hope you'll post some images so that we can all see how it's going. My fingers are crossed that you'll do it again, and that financially I can swing it. I think I've still got a lot of growing yet to do. Thank you again for being brave and showing us all how it's done.

[Tracy]

you are very persuasive! this is such a good post.
i took a quick shot yesterday and finally uploaded it today: http://www.flickr.com/photos/31417716@N00/7093861349/in/photostream

[Aggie Fegan]

http://www.flickr.com/photos/41462456@N04/6948388392/in/photostream

I first read about your self-portraiture class in Kim's Beyond Layers class and almost signed up but cancelled before the final click! Then I came upon your post here today! I am always taking pictures of everyone else but hate having mine taken. I have to admit I've had my husband snap a few of me over the last year to document that I existed and was really on all the family vacations! I posted a picture on flickr just now called FEAR...sort of a double whammy...a self-portrait taken with my iPhone in the waiting room of a doctor's office! Can you see the fear in my eyes! Usually I am smiling... It's amazing how so many of us can relate to what your wrote!!!

[Sharandee]

THANK YOU.....I feel sure my daughter will be joining you with her "photo buds".....I do not have the skills. I am thanking you for for opening my eyes to what I have denied my children and my grandchildren. I absolutely hate having my picture taken, my own insecurities. I would be extremely suprised if my daughter has more then a couple dozen pictures of me, and I am 65, so many opportunities lost to allow my grandchildren to look back and remember, to see the proof that I loved them in a simple photo. To see the joy that they have given me......thanks to your simple blog this will end immediately. What an incredibly insightful, wise woman you are......THANK YOU

[Kristin Zecchinelli]

thank you to everyone. thank you for sharing your own proof.
all so real, all so beautiful.

XO
kristin

[Gotta Run]

http://www.flickr.com/photos/gottarun2009/6481546939/in/set-72157627659228984

that's such a beautiful picture of you.
signing up for your class before the end of the day!

[spread your wings]

i'm not a fan of sp, i rarely like the way i look in photos, but i do take them as proof as i was here - mainly when i'm of a vacation as a way to share with my daughter
here's a recent one
http://www.flickr.com/photos/autumnsun/6950224702/

[kelly]

a lovely post and i have just started visiting this delightful space...i really love this post, thank you!
proof of me...i am here

http://www.flickr.com/photos/56270336@N07/7096700693/in/photostream

[Heidi]

You inspired me yesterday and today God laid it on my heart and I did something I might not have done. Thank you. Happy to share the picture via email, I don't have a blog.

Heidi

[spread your wings]

pretty photo of you.
your post rings true to me. i am not a fan of sp, but i do turn the camera towards self as a proof "im here" as a way of sharing with my daughter when i am away.
here's a recent one from charleston
http://www.flickr.com/photos/autumnsun/6950224702/

[Sandra]

This made for a great read! It's all so true! Accepting me as I am now and not wanting to be as I was forty years ago?!!! I love your shot by the way.
I'm already doing a self-portrait group on Flickr with Urban Muser under "In the Picture" You can see it here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/62524522@N08/
I wanted to come and visit you here because I found a link on Chelle's blog. I'm glad I visited!
Have a great day.

[Ash]

I really loved reading this post. I relate to it so much! I am always behind the camera and really, really don't like taking self portraits. My children's lives are wonderfully documented but how many of their photos am I in? I really don't know. The self portrait thing: I see lots of women do it really well on Flickr but I've never really understood the point of them. You've given me something to think about...thank you.