a shadow of self

We talk a lot about self here. Well, I know I do. I suppose I need to. And it's hard to explain, but part of me needs to visually define my outer boundaries of who I am as a person, woman, mother, sister, daughter, lover. There is no easier (nor harder) way to do this than through the study of self. Dare I say self portraiture helps me understand myself. It definitely helps me to be kind to myself, and remember who I am on the days when it's easy to forget.

It feels like a craving that won't go away. Now, after three+ years of self portraits my portfolio has grown. I recently uploaded a collection of twenty of my finest self portraits over at Artists Wanted. It is the ultimate study of self. It is the space between here and there. Then and now. You and me. Us and them. 

This project of self I can only define as me seeking grace in the conflict. Seeking beauty in the decay. These photos are where I have been and where I am going. A circular timeline put on repeat. This is the peace within. The flurry and chaos, the fluttering of heartbeats like a hundred bird wings. These photographs are the solitude and stillness of wind. The reminder that life is blooming, that growth moves us forward with joy and anticipation. This project is my practice in remembering it is ok to sit with the silence. And that through it all, life is still beautiful.

It took me a long time to turn the camera on myself. I began most clumsily with shadows because they lacked details. they were playful and light even on days when i felt neither of those things. Want to learn something amazing? Take a photo of yourself and discover what you see. Today, begin with a shadow. Let the darkness of shadow reveal a bit of your own story. And be sure to share in the comments below!

for the love of film

January of course brought the New Year and for me, the end of my 365 project. The empty space that surrounded me was welcome. You see, what my mind has been craving is peace, stillness, and a sense of s.l.o.w.i.n.g down.

Digital photography often gives me space, but in comparison, film is a slow stroll in the park. I've not dabbled in film for many many years, yet something about this new {again} inspiration seemed just right for me. And so in January, I stepped into those waters again after so much time away. I got my hands on a nifty toy camera. The Blackbird, Fly. It's a sweet little twin lens reflex {toy!} camera {this means plastic lens} that happily takes 35mm film. I was beyond giddy to get my hands on it to explore and play.

Do you remember the first time you got behind the steering wheel? My mom took me to the big church parking lot on the corner in our neighborhood.  The keys jingled, the clutch brake and accelerator got jumbled under my teenage feet, the road was too vast, the windshield too constricting ... not to mention all the gears and knobs and spedometer! I crept along hurkey jurkey nauseating my mother and myself across the empty parking lot as I figured out how to control the machine I was driving.

Patience, grasshopper.
Getting back to film was kinda like that for me. 

It's exactly the slowing down that I need. It's quite the opposite of the gluttonous-continuous-shutter-release of my 4-frames-per-second-nikon-dslr that comes fully equipped with instant-gratification-kapow! And so ... it's exactly the learning curve I am desiring. To feel that newness again, that quiet unfamiliar sense of not.knowing.anything but going for it anyway simply for the pleasure of it, the intrigue, the curiosity, the love.

I dropped off three rolls of film at my local print shop. 

I really had no idea what to expect. I had never before in my life shot with a toy camera. And certainly not a dizzying twin lens reflex camera. {It makes me laugh outloud, to be so dizzy. It makes me feel like a kid again. And I take that as a very good sign.}

What I got with a hand full of contact sheets was a face full of smiles.
And a new {again} obsession.
Tell me, when was the last time you dabbled in film?
Share with me your favorite film camera, toy or otherwise.
And leave some photo love in the comments!

A Legacy

Watch this. 

Those words and a link to a video of Vivian Maier was all that was in an email that my friend had sent to me.  As I watched the short video piece, I was mesmerized and intrigued by this unkown woman.  In 2007 John Maloof purchased from an art auction a box that had been owned by Vivian containing over 30,000 negatives dating back as early as the 1950s. He decided to develop some of the photos (like the one above and the self portrait below) and what he has found is an absolutely amazing treasure.

In John's research on Vivian, he learned that she had never married or had children and was a very private person. She died alone at the age of 82 in a nursing home, her photographs never seen by anyone until now. So incredible is Vivian's photography that there will be a showing of her work next month at the Chicago Cultural Center.  John was able to purchase even more of her negatives and now has over 100,000 of her negatives and hundreds of undeveloped rolls of film which he plans to put into a book or make a documentary about Vivian.

Two things came to mind after learning of Vivian.  First, how sad that this wonderfully talented woman died alone, having never shared her gift of photography with anyone, ever.  If she had, I wonder how different her legacy might have been.  She very well may have helped pave the way for woman in photography all those years ago in a time when female photographers were a rare commodity.

Second, after seeing Vivian's story, I began thinking of what my legacy might be.  Yes, I would be remembered as a wonderful wife and mother but there is more to me than that.  I'm a photographer, too.  It's a large part of who I am.  If something were to happen to me tomorrow, would I have anything to show for it? Sure I would - and there are hundreds and hundreds of photos on numerous hard drives to prove that.  More importantly, would my husband or friends know how to gain access to them? No, they wouldn't and that is about to change. Some of the hundreds of photos on my hard drives will now be printed, matted and framed, put into books or given to friends.  What good is it to keep all of them stored and never shared with anyone? When I am gone, I want people to say that I was a wonderful wife, mother and photographer. 

What about you? What do you want your legacy to be? If you could choose one photograph (or two or three or more!) that you would want people to remember you as the wonderful photographer you are, please share.  Let us know you, too. 

You can see more of Vivian Maier's photography on the blog, Vivian Maier - Her Discovered Work.

Update on Friday, December 31, 2010 by Chris Sneddon

Since I've become so intrigued by Vivan Maier, I've learned that John Maloof is trying to raise funds to make a documentary film about Vivian.  If you'd like to donate to the making of the film, stop by Kickstarter to see a quick video by John describing just what it is he wants to do.  I think it's a great investment!

-Chris Sneddon

the six questions featuring Susannah Conway

Susannah Conway is a photographer, a writer and creator of the Unravelling e-course. 

But she's so much more than that.

She's a fellow Polaroid addict whose sense of beauty and wonder is constantly encouraging me to expand beyond my comfort zone, be playful and grow. She's a very proud aunt who loves with abandon. And a teacher, a friend, whose disarming honesty and full commitment to honoring and celebrating the beauty of life, to sharing what she knows and giving what she has, whether she is holding a pen or a camera, are a gift to all of those who know her.

Susannah kindly accepted to answer the Shutter Sisters six questions interview. And I'm most happy today to share with you her answers here.

1. What's the story behind this photo? 

On a sunny spring morning I looked out of my bedroom window and noticed the street was strewn with pink blossom; so much had fallen it was collecting in piles like pink snow drifts. It took me less than five minutes to get dressed, pull on a pair of Chucks (choosing the yellow pair over the navy - v. good move), grab my SX-70 Polaroid camera and run outside. I shot about four or five photos in total and this one was my favourite.

2. What was it that lit your photography spark? Do you remember a particular camera, course, person, roll of film?

 

I'm actually a born-again photographer, because I first fell in love with photography at art college in 1992. I can't remember what I shot but I remember developing that first roll of film and looking breathlessly at the contact sheet as I realised I'd found the way to transcribe what I saw in my head onto paper - I wasn't a painter or musician or sculptor, I was a photographer! I spent the next three years in the studio and darkroom committed to my art. The second time I fell in love with photography was in Seattle in 2006. It was my first time in the States and I was still grieving the death of my partner the year before. I was visiting friends I'd met through blogging and had brought a borrowed digital compact with me to record the week; taking shots of a new city not only brought me out of my grief for a while but seemed to wake up the photography part of my brain too. Looking through my photos when I got home lit such a fire of inspiration in me I haven't stopped shooting since. 

3. What's your photo philosophy? Does it reflect your life philosophy?

 

Film photography is like meditation for me - I slow down my breathing, I focus intently on what's in front of me, wait for the right moment and then I press the button. I don't rush taking the photograph because I only have limited film to use - I want to make each shot count, and take my time to feel that the moment is right; if it's not I move on. I try to live this way too - living mindfully in the moment and not allowing myself to get too caught up in the past or the future. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but it's a continual practice, just like photography.

4. Where do you look for inspiration?

Everywhere. Whenever I leave the house I have a camera or three with me - even if it's just my iPhone. Going somewhere new is a photographic orgy of inspiration, but I try to look with new eyes in the familiar places too. Even a trip into town to buy groceries can offer up photo opportunities. I take photos everywhere, wherever I am and whoever I'm with. I take photos of the stuff no one else would look at, as well as the obviously pretty stuff. I see lines and shapes first, then colours and details. I'm always composing with my eyes - I find it impossible to switch it off, actually; I'm the one who lags behind the group to photograph the rust on the side of a skip. My friends and family have learned to tolerate my behaviour :)

5. What aspect of your photography are you constantly working on, trying to improve? 

With every photograph I take I feel I am improving on the last one. I don't take my eye for granted and am always looking for new ways to capture light or colour or feeling. Shooting with vintage cameras means you have to get to know the quirks of your equipment; I don't have the guarantee of digital clarity with my SX-70 but that's one of the reasons I love it so much - it keeps me on my toes!

6. Are there women out there that you consider your shutter sisters? Who, and why?

There are the women who have gone before me that I admire: Dorothea Lange, Diane Arbus, Francesca Woodman and Uta Barth are my four guiding lights, even though my style is different from their work. And there are women I consider my Polaroid sisters: Jen Altman, Amanda Gilligan, Alicia Bock, Andrea Jenkins, Jessica Hibbard, Steph Parke, Darlene & Kristen, Cori Kindred, you, my dear Irene, and many others besides. I love how passionate and supportive the Polaroid community is!

Thank you so much Susannah!

Susannah is currently hard at work on her first book, to be published in spring 2012, and collaborating with Jenifer Altman and Amanda Gilligan on a how-to book about Polaroid photography, also coming out in 2012. You can read more about her shenanigans on her blog at SusannahConway.com and connect with her on Twitter @photobird. Also, registration for the next Unravelling class opens on Saturday, December 4th.

the beautiful imperfection of film

I have to admit. As much as I enjoy the convenience and many possibilities that digital photography offers, my love for film, fully entrenched in the beauty of its texture, process and imperfection, is expanding every day.

Today show us some film love, tell us what inspires you about it, how you feel when you shoot it, and if you've never tried film before, we have the perfect opportunity for you today!

In celebration of imperfection (our One Word Project theme inspired by Brene Brown's new book "The Gifts of Imperfection") we are giving away the cutest little Lomography Diana Mini Camera with Flash that you've ever seen. Have you seen them yet? They are ADORABLE! Plus, we're throwing in some 400 & 100 speed film to go with it! We are giddy, mostly because we know you will be too. Just leave your comment here between now and midnight EST on Monday to be entered in this Diana drawing. Yay! 

And don't forget! Today is 10/10/10 and there are some fun events to participate in!

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Congrats to Cigi for winning the random drawing for the Diana Mini! YAY!Thanks to everyone for your comments. More fun giveaways to come this month!