The Bottom of Everything

The bottom of everything is love.

That's what I thought to myself while she cried, while I cried, while we argued about everything without ever touching the real thing. That her heart was hurting from an old wound. That she was counting on me and I was counting on her and that we had let each other down when it mattered the very most.

We won't talk about this again. Ever. Can we agree on that?

I shrug. Sure. Whatever. We can talk or not talk but the truth is it is still here, this sadness, this fierce love, this beautiful tension between what we hope for and the way it is.

+++++++++++++++++++++

The bottom of everything is grief.

That's what I thought to myself when he smiled, when he had tried to explain over Thanksgiving dinner how they met in Beijing without making her sound too much like a mail-order bride. It's wasn't like that at all, his eyes told me, but there was no need to explain. He had found her, and something in his heart instantly mended. I could see it all over her face.

How old do you think they are?  Fatou asked, motioning to our guests--the man and his not-a-mail-order-bride, the lovely Chinese woman in the fantastic red jacket.

I have no idea, I told her. But they have that kind of happiness that comes from understanding what it means to be sad. The kind of gratitude that comes after thinking for so long you would always be alone.

+++++++++++++++++++++

These are the stories I think about later, looking at the shots of everyone's hands and that red jacket, shining in every picture.

These are the stories I think about when I want to get to the bottom of everything, when I wonder if grief will wreck us, when I wonder if love can truly be more than enough, when I want to know what it is exactly that will make our souls whole.

Leave a comment below and today's lovely giveaway winner will receive:

a collection of TRUST notes and a donation made to this project in the name of someone you love. We'll send a lovely card announcing your donation to whomever you choose.

Congratulations to Kristina of Meadowlark Days for winning yesterday's giveaway--artwork by Amy Ruppel.  Lucky lady.

Comments

[Amy]

As usual, Jen Lemen gets to the very heart of the matter. Why I keep coming back for more and more and more and more. Love it.

[Lucy]

Ah ....reflections both picture and words. It doesn't get much better than that. Beautiful, simply beautiful.

[Janine]

Even without the words, you can still sense the emotion... just by the photo. Beautiful.

[sarah costa]

What a beautiful story, thank you for sharing. I do think its all about love. All of the hurt and anger, resentment, jealousy when you break it all down everyone just wants to be loved

[nikkole!]

i too love love
and i so agree with what gail said without love there would be not grief without love
the bottom of it all is love.

wonderful wonderful post
i will read it many many many times.
thank you

[Stephanie Fox]

Love is amazing and you can put your trust in that simple fact.

[Emily]

Sometimes I find it hard to hold on to the belief that love is at the bottom of everything, but I love your stories.

[Liz Dager]

I LOVE THIS!

[Grace]

What a completely gorgeous post.

[susan]

Your words flow with beauty, thank you for sharing them.

[Emily]

Beautiful post! Thank you!

[Tracy]

Beautiful post.

[Patricia Dolan]

Grace and grief are the twins that at times hold hands and then fly independently of each other. The breath that sustained he and she individually now sheens in the Universe collectively and cohesively unites them together. Love is the whisper of the wind, the invisible hand holding theirs, Love watches from the Earth’s balcony of beauty.

Trish
patriciadolan@comcast.net

[wakinguplate]

Such beautiful words.

[Tina]

My heart breaks then mends with the works and the picture. We cannot have heartbreak and grief without first feeling that fierce love.Then we may have never known what true love is without feeling the greif of losing something so dear. This picture is a reflection of this in life.

[Just Jinny]

That couple looks...happy. And, I agree, you can see something in their eyes. It's a wonderful thing to see. Thank you so much for sharing.

[phyllis]

thank you for filling me up with this post.

[Andie]

Beautiful words and thoughts.

[Kristina]

Such simple words spun together with a thread of beauty.
Thanks for the inspiration.

[Bonnie]

Another touching and beautiful post. My son went to Russia a few years ago to meet an actual mail order bride. You can imagine my grief and worry when I sent him off, the son who had practically never flown alone, going all the way to Russia. For a woman he had only met on the internet. But somehow he made the decision, even though he was dreadfully lonely, to come home alone.

Thank you and I wish for this couple in your post a long and happy life together.

Bonnie

[ange]

beautiful
touching

[Becky]

Deep post... I love it! Keep 'em coming!

[Sherry]

A giveaway that keeps giving. Yay!

[Jill]

Beautiful post! Thanks for sharing!

[Kelly]

How I needed to read this this morning. Thank you so much.

[mary]

such a beautiful, thoughtful post. thank you.

[Jeanine]

As we say in French - c'est venu me chercher. This post was like an arrow shot strait through my heart... for so many reasons. Pure beauty.

[stacey / create a balance]

This post gave me a lump in my throat. Thanks for sharing.

[Tracy]

beautiful post. it brought tears to my eyes.

[Sharon]

Great post. Thank you for sharing your words and images so generously.

[Brooke]

So very lovely! Beautiful! Gorgeous picture!

[Jolie]

Wow. So lovely.

[CarrieJ]

in the end it does not matter how we meet, just that we meet.

[whitney]

Your post sums up the range of emotions people often face this time of year. Thank you for lending a poetic voice...I'll be meditating on this for a while.

[mika]

these are beautiful words....i'm trying to build the courage to take more pictures in moments like these... in times of grief and love...

[Jodyangel]

Hmm.

I've been thinking about these same thoughts alot lately. Maybe it's the holidays..maybe it's just the time that seems to pass so quickly. I love how you articulate so well. And that you are brave enough to write about your deep feelings.

I have come to know both sadness grief and intense happiness all mixed together in my life. I guess that is what life is all about. But my feelings are trapped inside me. Sometimes I feel like I will burst! I watch a silly commercial and I cry. Yesterday the song "It's beginning to look alot like Christmas" came on. The Bing Crosby one. And we were out to eat. Tears sprang to my eyes. "What's wrong honey" hubby said. "Ohh nothing. Just thinking that I've heard that song since I was a little girl". I can't even convey to him how this sadness is always down underneath my skin. I don't want to hurt him. So I keep it tight to my breast.

For me, I choose love over loniness and it's caused me a split from my family (short version). But I know I made the right decision. And I am happy beyond words. I am loved. But In spite of what my family has done to me; I mourn for them. People say forget about it. Your family is who you Make it. And I try. But that dark sad feeling is buried deep within me.

So I think I understand what you've shared here. And I love it. You're an incredible woman Jen Lemon. Thank you today for this writing. And I hope love is enough. We'll all know oneday =)

[Tracie]

Lovely post today and I love the picture!

[Sheryl]

I should know better than to read this type of thing at work!

Beautiful photo and story. <sniff/>

[Angie]

What a lovely post.

[ELK]

there

is

life

in

your


words

[sperlygirl]

simply beautiful

[Britiney]

Beautiful. Thanks for sharing your heart.

[Jess]

Beautiful post. You have a way with words. And pictures.

[Kathryn]

This is beautiful..

[Kyla]

The photo and the words are superb . . . and I do believe that at the bottom of everything is LOVE.

[Diane]

Beautiful post. And the cards are a lovely thing, too.

[Kris]

What wonderful writing.

Love gives value to whatever we choose. Without love, there would be no grief.

[Erin]

What a blessing to be so talented with both words and photography! I don't even know how to respond.

[Kathleen O.]

...and the very best kind of love is the kind that survives the grief...
...and the best kind of happiness is looking back on the grief, feeling the love, and understanding that it was all meant to be...
http://www.flickr.com/photos/ko2008/3075446249/

[Charmaine]

Thank you Jen. My heart goes out to hopeful people everywhere ready to welcome Love in whatever way it comes to them.