The Bottom of Everything

The bottom of everything is love.

That's what I thought to myself while she cried, while I cried, while we argued about everything without ever touching the real thing. That her heart was hurting from an old wound. That she was counting on me and I was counting on her and that we had let each other down when it mattered the very most.

We won't talk about this again. Ever. Can we agree on that?

I shrug. Sure. Whatever. We can talk or not talk but the truth is it is still here, this sadness, this fierce love, this beautiful tension between what we hope for and the way it is.

+++++++++++++++++++++

The bottom of everything is grief.

That's what I thought to myself when he smiled, when he had tried to explain over Thanksgiving dinner how they met in Beijing without making her sound too much like a mail-order bride. It's wasn't like that at all, his eyes told me, but there was no need to explain. He had found her, and something in his heart instantly mended. I could see it all over her face.

How old do you think they are?  Fatou asked, motioning to our guests--the man and his not-a-mail-order-bride, the lovely Chinese woman in the fantastic red jacket.

I have no idea, I told her. But they have that kind of happiness that comes from understanding what it means to be sad. The kind of gratitude that comes after thinking for so long you would always be alone.

+++++++++++++++++++++

These are the stories I think about later, looking at the shots of everyone's hands and that red jacket, shining in every picture.

These are the stories I think about when I want to get to the bottom of everything, when I wonder if grief will wreck us, when I wonder if love can truly be more than enough, when I want to know what it is exactly that will make our souls whole.

Leave a comment below and today's lovely giveaway winner will receive:

a collection of TRUST notes and a donation made to this project in the name of someone you love. We'll send a lovely card announcing your donation to whomever you choose.

Congratulations to Kristina of Meadowlark Days for winning yesterday's giveaway--artwork by Amy Ruppel.  Lucky lady.

Comments

[Silvia]

Jen, I am in awe of how you form, with so little words, such a vivid image.
Beautiful.

[Bree]

I think that grief comes from love... so really, the bottom of everything is love.

Beautiful entry.

[Susan S.]

Beautiful photo with the glowing reds. Beautiful prose. Thanks for sharing Jen!

[Marcie]

What a beautiful post and story. It's almost a chicken or egg question. Which comes first..and what comes from what?

[kosenrufu mama]

i love love, i think is the bottom for everything in any case and situation... love in the family, in the marriage, in the working place, everything... lovely the picture... full of meaning...
http://esterdaphne.blogspot.com/2008/10/quello-che-amo-tutti-i-giorni.html

[Vanessa]

such a very beautiful post... my first read of the morning... the nicest way to begin my day.

[Melissa]

Can you have love withough grief? I mean would love have any meaning without the possibility of grief?

[June]

Beautiful. You have a wonderful way with words.

[emily]

What a very thoughtful prize today.

[Puna]

You are right. When we have nothing left, we still have the greatest love of all...

http://lifesignatures.wordpress.com/2008/09/28/matts-place-proof-that-god-exists/
http://lifesignatures.wordpress.com/2008/11/12/desperate-housewives-novemberc-edition/

"...the tension between what we hope for and the way it is..."
Beautifully said.

[ellen]

Your picture, your words... gives me pause.

[Emilyt]

Insense and important messages today. Thanks for the thoughts. Donations help heal!

[Busymomma66]

You are a wonderful writer, and photographer, and creative soul, and, well I could go on and on, but you are an inspiration.

[Robin]

you articulate that 'tension' well. Love the pics of hands.

[wilsonian]

Jen, you always make my heart remember things I usually don't let it.

Peace.

[shelli]

so beautifully written....and so touching.

[Jen Lee]

I love this post. Truly.

[krista]

great post. love it.

[Jami]

great story, and what a wonderful giveaway!

[Naomi]

This is spectacular ... the bottom of everything is grief. Wonderful timing (as always) for me.

I don't want to win, as I've already ordered my sets of Trust Notes, but what a thoughtful giveaway!

[abbey]

this is so very touching!
thanks!

[Angie]

Beautiful.

[Angie]

You just made me think of some things that I haven't thought about in a long time. Amazing.

[camerashymomma]

oh jen. i knew these were your words upon the first sentence. somehow you can read my mind and you post it here for all sisters to read. and i love this. i love that you wrote this, felt this, shared this. this is real. human. truth. i wish somehow i could meet you, and i think in a strange way i'd see some part of myself, but the stronger version, and maybe i'd take just a little bit of that strength with me. because you give it freely. your words are a salve today. this love. this grief. this life is beautiful even with all of its sadness.
meredith

[Krista]

What a lovely post. It so eloquently captures the complex dynamics between family members and friends, the ties that truly do bind us whether we choose to recognize them or not.

[Cindy]

I believe and trust that love is the foundation of everything.... everything.

[devan]

lovely.

[Laurie L.]

As I sat in the waiting room at the hospital yesterday for my husband to come out of surgery, I was thinking these very thoughts...at the bottom of all is both love and grief. I had my camera with me but the emotions were too strong, too thick there...it would not have been captured on film. It was deeper, more primal. Thank you for this post.

[Gayle]

Jen, what a beautiful post.

[renee @ FIMBY]

wow, once again Jen cuts right to the heart of the matter. I checked your blog, what a great photo of the couple. Love the story, love the writing.

[Katy]

Your words have inspired me so many times, and today is no exception. Thank you.

[~ kristina ~]

So much to think about in this post.

I was truly delighted to see I won yesterday's giveaway - I am excited to find a place in my home for some inspiring artwork. It was a good way to start the day. Thank you, Shutter Sisters!

[Jennifer]

Beautiful!

[canadacole]

Thank you for touching me with this post and healing my heart a little. Beautiful.

[Gail]

There would not be grief if there were not love...a beautiful post and a most gorgeous picture...Thank you for sharing these with us..

[Robin]

such a heartfelt story and with such warm words.

[Erin]

Beautiful photo, and such touching words!

[candace]

LOVE LOVE LOVE - love is all you need! Beautiful :)

[marcy]

wanting to say something and yet not knowing quite what to say, just sitting with those words.

[Steph Wiese]

Jen - your words are the thoughts that have been on my mind lately. Last Christmas there was a conflict between my sister and I. Ihave since forgiven her and I was asked to never bring it up again. Altough love allowed me to find the space in my heart to forgive her, grief also reminds me that things have most certainly changed.

Grief changes everything, but it hasn't wrecked me... but love did conquer!

[kristin]

lovely story and photo. they do look SO happy. smiles like that are true.

here is a moment i captured 2 days ago. true love, not posed, a hug for comfort and courage that she needed to borrow from her bigger brother. she finds comfort in him and i love that. http://mainemomma.blogspot.com/2008/12/just-because.html

[Kizz]

I can't remember if I've said this elsewhere but it bears repeating. I think the trust notes are a glorious idea. I love then infinitely.

[AppleTree]

Beautiful.

[Traci]

beautiful post. thank you for that today. :)

[Erin S]

"the bottom of everything is love"

So beautifully said, so perfectly captured.

[Sue at nobaddays]

So love this story and the prize!

[Chris]

Ah Jen. You're heart, you open it to everyone and let yourself experience everything from grief to love. I'm so glad God has shared you with us. You are a gift, pure and simple. Thank you.

[Kath]

So true and both are always unexpected when they land in your life. I reflected on these thoughts for a Love Thursday post last summer. http://3yrplan.typepad.com/soeursdujour/2008/08/love-thursday-1.html

[spread your wings]

your posts always inspire me - beautiful post today. thank you

[Yogamum]

What a wonderful post. You always get to the heart of the matter.