Sensitive.

I was watching something on TV the other day. They were talking about how artists are "sentitive to their surroundings, to people, and to life in general"...(I'm paraphrasing). It hit me because of something I recently realized. I'd been talking to my husband about how horrible my memory is, and how it drives me nuts. I forget birthdays, and anniversaries. When friends re-count stories, sometimes it's like I have amnesia..."Did that REALLY happen?", "Are you serious?!" 

Then I realized it's not that I have a bad memory, it's that I'm focused on the wrong things. For instance, I can hardly remember my wedding day, or prom, or the births of my children. But I can remember in VIVID DETAIL how I thought EVERYONE AROUND ME was feeling during all of those events. This is when I UNDERSTOOD that, by constantly viewing the world through the eyes of other people, I HAD ERASED MY OWN EXPERIENCE. My interpretations of people's feelings BECAME MY MEMORY. MY REALITY.  

It even manifested in my career choice as a photographer...(interpreter). I adore my job, and count it as a privilege. It's a passion, and there are even days when I feel obsessed by it. But for as sensitive as one is to others, we should be equally as sensitive to ourselves. Pay attention to how you feel too. What do you think? Where do you want to go? Ask yourself how your doing, and care about the answer. This is when your own life turns into Artwork.

*Edited to add: I'm not suggesting that it's wrong to focus on others, or that we should tune people out and live selfishly. Not at all. I'm just observing that sometimes we lose ourselves, if we don't give our own voice the same validity as the others around us...in life and in art.  :) 

Comments

[Great Dane Addict]

That makes so much sense!

Today was the first time I thought to myself, "I am happy." And that was a nice thought. Hadn't really thought about myself for awhile.

[maya]

i agree with you, though i hadn't thought of it that way. i've always struggled with what i want to "be when i grow up." i'm 38 and i just figured it out last year when i got my dslr. at first, i felt ashamed when i got my shiny new camera. what business did i have spending that much money on a hobby when we don't even have x, y. or z?! but last year, when i finally gave myself permission to admit that i want to create a life where i take pictures, it was an epiphany. you say "pay attention to how you feel too." well, it was only once i started to do this that my photos started to become decent (i hesitate to use the word "good" at this point; i have a lot to learn. but there certainly markedly better than when i started). eventually i came to understand the value of learning photography because i want to, that it's not just something frivolous to spend money on.

[kristin]

well put , never relaly thought about it that way. but i too struggle with memory always joking that i too better write " The Notebook" about my life so my loving hubby can read it to me in my later years and it will feel like someone else's story not my own... so perhaps i better pay better attention to me. thanks

[Cherrye]

That is so sad. I have a horrible memory, too. I wonder if it for the same reasons...

[Jen]

Oh this is such a beautiful post and so true.

[camerashymomma]

this is a beautiful picture. and this post. it's something i've been thinking of alot lately. it's so wonderful to stop by shuttersisters each morning with a hot chai steaming and to read these words that are so similiar to my own thoughts. it really feels like a sisterhood of sorts! thanks for this post today.

[Amy]

your message hits so close to home...I'm just glad to find out I'm not the only one. I want to remember! Now I know how to start. thank you...

[Lauren]

I think my lack of memory is why I became a photographer. If I have a picture of the moment, I can remember.

[toyfoto]

I would agree that people's focus is prioritized differently but I don't think for a second that as a generalization attentions are ever focused on the "wrong" things. People are just different. What a blah world it would be if we all were thinking the same way, remembering the same experiences. We'd never have arguments. We'd never share perspectives or learn anything new. We'd never have those ah-ha moments.

[simply]

I wonder if that is why I think photographs are so important...I never thought about it that way???

~simply~

[Ashley]

That is such an interesting way to look at it. I think for me, photography provides a way of looking at something in so many different ways - which in some ways, in how I live my life. Looking and feeling from different perspectives, sometimes my own, sometimes someone else's.

[Kelly]

Great post! So often I realize that the reason I'm taking so many photos is because I need a lasting memory of that moment in my life. I've had family members tell me they were so glad I had my camera with me to capture a particular event because they don't even think about it until it's too late, which sometimes causes me to spend more time behind a camera making sure I preserve that memory for EVERYONE rather than truly living in the moment for myself. I'll think to myself "So-and-so will want a shot of this". As a mother, I also know I take photos so my children can look back on those life experiences they might otherwise forget.

Sometimes I get so frustrated if I've forgotten my camera and then I realize that perhaps I was meant to be completely IN that particular moment MYSELF and I try to go with it. It's the spontaneous photos of my children or the photos I take in nature that really touch my soul and show me being sensitive to myself. The ones of specific events are more about a responsibility to preserve that moment not only for me but for everyone else as well. Your post is a great reminder to maintain a balance!

[Kal Barteski]

Pure poetry.

[Rachel Dallaire]

That is so true. Thank-you for reminding us that both are equally important to focus on.

[krystyn]

I love this. The photo and the post. It gave me goosebumps... I want to run outside with my camera now and photograph the world through my eyes.

[tracey]

wow. what a great post. and that photo??? I LOVE it!

[Raven]

I've turned into the photojournalist type. I am always watchful. I observe everything going on around me with extreme detail. Last night we went to the Obama rally and I knew before anyone around me who was coming on stage next because I was watching the girl with the clipboard pull her out of the crowd. It's like perpetually setting up the next shot.

I always remember the details of the stories better than my friends because they are like framing the shots for me.

[Just Pure Lovely]

Wow. Wow.

You really have me thinking. I think I'm exactly that way, but hadn't really figured it out so.

But just last month I decided that I'm not a very good friend - to myself. I need to be my own friend, too.

I think you've just given me a clue of why and you're right - we need to be in the moment, too.

[Jeanine]

Can I just say... I LOVE THIS SITE! Thank you so much for bringing it to life.

[To Think is to Create]

I can SO relate. Thanks for making me think today...

[Jenny, Bloggess]

I have the same dodgy memory...big gaps missing. This is why I write...so that I can tell myself the stories of my life when I forget them.

[melody]

Just had to say I get it, really get what you're saying and feeling. I'm having similar realizations.

LOVE the photo and it's processing.

[Bridge]

http://ridethewavesoflife.blogspot.com/
My husband at age 11 with his mom, shortly before she died, what a sweety.

[Kate]

I love this photo too.. I'm so in love with those tights. Visions like this make me so daughter-hungry, it's ridiculous... as much as I love my boys, I don't think they'd forgive me if I start parading them around in cordouroy dresses.

I think we often hide behind the camera, preferring to observe the world rather than turn inwards. Writing is the same for me, how it's so much easier that verbal conversation. Both are some sort of escape, or shelter.

I'm grateful for it. I would have crumpled into a thousand pieces in the NICU without those two outlets. Sometimes we *should* put the camera down and just be in the moment, but not always.. and that's okay. Everyone has to have something.

Lovely post maile, and magical capture...
xo

[Anita Disaster]

I love this picture. It makes me think of that last truly happy memories without adult complication when I was a kid and would go grocery shopping with my mom...

[Saha]

Oh I can relate to this, it's an exhausting way to be. I love the stockings too!

[krystyn]

Occasionally I find myself in the middle of turbulent storms longing for the moment when the sun was still on the horizon saturating the sky in it's beauty.

http://krystynheide.com/blog/2008/2/26/when-life-imitates-life.html