what if?
Sunday, April 27, 2008 by Tracey Clark 
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about mortality. Namely, my own. I’m not going to get morbid and depressing about it, I promise. But since my mind has been wandering amidst the what-ifs, I’ve decided to try being quiet with these inevitable thoughts (and yes, fears) and listen to what the angels are saying. You know, the ones that gently glide by beckoning the big questions;
Are you doing what’s important? Are you living your best life? Are you spending time on what matters most?
I think we would all like to answer yes but sometimes we just aren’t doing the things that matter, as we are clouded by daily demands. It’s the way it goes. But then there are the reminders that lift us from our fog, stories that stir our souls awake, or circumstances and situations that bring the big picture back into focus.
Jen Balantine’s question has been ringing in my ears and instead of leaving my list on paper, I’ve decided to begin to make a dent in it. I want to make a deliberate schedule to fit in the things that matter most; the things that I would do if I had only a few months to live. I plan on making a priority getting all the wonderful photos and stories of my children’s lives off of the computer and organized and into books and memory boxes. I want to create for my girls something tangible to hold onto, to look through, to remind them of their life growing up in our family. Growing up with me. I want them to know (even beyond the knowing that they will always carry with them) that I was here, that I am here, in living color. Everyday. Giving baths, braiding hair, sewing buttons on pants, dancing in the living room, making projects and school lunches, going on field trips and adventure walks and taking pictures. I plan to take time out to do the things I want to do…for me and for them. I’m considering it my date night with destiny. As simple as it may seem, this is what I would do if I knew I only had a few months to live so, I’m going to start doing it now. And I know I’m going to love doing it.
How about you? What would you do? And are you willing to start doing it now?
Thanks to all of you who offered hope through your beautiful images for the auction. The proceeds will be helping Jen and her son as she faces days ahead that seem to keep getting tougher for her. The auction is up and running so head over and bid on your favorite things. Be sure to click on the item you have your eye on to get more info on the object or photo and the person behind it. It makes it that much more special. Thanks again. You are all incredible.
Reader Comments (8)
Oh - I would probably have my husband take more pictures of me for my son (as was mentioned here yesterday!) THAT I can and will do asap!
On the small scale, I don't think there is much I would change. Since my son was born, I think I live a more authentic life-enjoy more, cherish more, am open to more. I like the idea of documenting his life off the computer, and that is something to do once we are past this ugly hump of unemployment....
On a grand scale, there is so much I would love to do. There is so much need, so many people I'd love to give back to thanks to those who have helped us in our struggles with my sons health. Higher hopes and wishes that I continue to strive towards.
And to echo Shelli, I need more pictures of myself with my son. He'll grow up and wonder where I was exactly (behind the camera).
Love and be loved all.
So, to answer your questions. I think I'm slowly moving closer to living my best life. Lack of time is not my only obstacle. So is fear. Thanks for a boost to my courage and a reality check. We all face the same destiny, we just don't know when.
Wonderful post as usual. If I combine this with "Words to Fly By" and "Growing Where You Are Planted" I have soulful, wise advice for making the most of everyday and living my best life.
I'm an outside-of-the-home working mom, as so many of us are (and to be certain, the work inside the home is just if not more tough), and I'm perhaps overly concerned that the time we have together is quality time. I worry I'm not around enough and these precious years are sliding by. I have "catch phrases" in my head almost every day --
"No one went to their deathbed wishing they had spent more time at the office."
or Jackie O's memorable line (not quite quoted right) -
"If I mess up raising my children, nothing else I do will matter very much."
And so I try. To be in the moment, as Ali Edwards suggested this week. But still, am I living my best life? I don't always know....
Thanks for the food for thought.
it's hard to respond to these questions in an outloud way, but i know jenni and your reflections here are the matters of the heart in need of most tending.
thank you.
Thank you,
Anna
<3 lissa (aka turtlefly)