Life's a Blur

Each September begins the familiar routine. The slow and steady flow of school, homework and extra-circular activities that little by little as the months pass, begins to feel more like a river than a stream only to have the damn break in June to a force that can make it difficult for even the mightiest of moms to remain standing. That’s where I’m at right now; struggling against the current, getting swept up in the spin cycle that is the end of the school year machine.

Through the years I have come to expect this recurring ebb and flow so it’s not a huge surprise and on good days, I feel fairly on top of it. Even still this year, more than ever, I am reeling. As the school year comes to an end in a flurry of fun and excitement I recognize that it’s not only these last few weeks that are a blur, it’s my daughter’s childhood. Both of my daughters for that matter. The milestones this year feel larger than life as one will soon begin Middle School and the other Kindergarten. Sigh. I know what this is about. It’s the familiar melancholy of motherhood, the passing of time and the growing of the little parts and pieces of my children that remind me that they are getting older. That I am getting older. That they won’t be mine forever.

As I cheer them on and reassure them that the next chapter will be as rich and full as the last, I will also have to acknowledge (and quietly dismiss) that little whisper inside myself that is urging me not to let them go. The very voice that pleads in desperation with Father Time to show mercy on me and stop the clock if only long enough for me to hold on to my children a little longer.

Where are you these days? How do you see your life right now? Do you have certain photographs that express this exact moment in time for you?

Comments

[jessica new]

Beautiful.... And as my little one starts to crawl I am too being reminded that she is getting older. And thank you for making me tear up thinking, she wont be mine forever?!? Ahhh man..... I cant even post a picture because I have to go & cry now... Whoa,
Motherhood is one big heartache after another, isnt it sisters?

[laura]

I feel like this right now actually, but my daughter hasn't quite reached those milestones yet. Now that she's learning to walk, I feel like my baby is not a baby anymore. She's becoming more and more independent. I'm so glad that she's still nursing, otherwise I'd feel even more apprehensive about her growing up! Time to go cuddle with my 'baby'!

http://www.dolcepics.com/dailypic/baby-steps/

[Marcie]

I know just where you're coming from. All three of my babies are mostly grown..sometimes gone. My oldest just graduated from college. Don't know where the years went. It is all one big blu-r-r-r-r-r of time passing too slowly..and then flying by at a speed I never would have imagined.

http://marciescudder.blogspot.com/2007/06/woo-hoo.html

[nicky thomas]

Good morning Shutter Sisters

Today my littlies are chasing each other and fighting and whining and laughing.

We are going to mother and toddler group this morning where they will chase, fight, whine and laugh with other children and the mothers will attempt to look like little Ophelia, Lorenzo, Daisy, Horatio et al are not up to high jinx and we will discuss perhaps actually making it to the pub after club for that G&T we've been promising ourselves for the past year.

Today i feel like this

http://www.flickr.com/photos/nickythomasphotography/1234802537/in/set-72157600173296110/

a tiny part of something much bigger, sometimes nestling against me and sometimes breaking me up into tiny pieces.

Have a lovely day

Nickyx

[wn]

I'm just getting over the initial shock of motherhood (Big Lebowski is almost 11 weeks old)
I'm just starting to re-create a special place with my husband
I'm just over the hump of getting both of my parents through surgery (one of which was for cancer)

I'm tired...but optmistic...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/wordnerd/2490592271/in/dateposted/

[Kacey]

oh, I'm so in this space this year. Youngest one graduating high school, first one graduated college to head out to the real world. So many changes. I wrote about it in this post. I love the first photo. It's like they are pointing to their futures or something.

http://www.wineonthekeyboard.com/2008/05/05/i-live-in-a-black-and-white-world/

[shelli]

What a lovely post. Where am I right now? Although I've been married for almost four years, and I've been a mother for almost two, I still feel like I'm stepping into this new life. Leaving the ability to choose from many different paths behind me. Looking into the future and hoping for the best.

http://www.mamaofletters.com/Mama_of_Letters/Camera_Happy.html#37

[Connie]

This is my last little baby and I feel like time has chosen this moment to speed up, just to see if I will notice. She has developed her own little personality and way of doing things. I want to hang on to her tight, but at the same time I want to let go to see what she can do on her own... I guess that is what makes me a mother!
http://creative-bubbles.blogspot.com/2008/05/snippet-of-time.html

[Jennifer]

It is a bittersweet moment in time. My last baby tells me she is not a baby. She jumps and frolics like a crazy woman with her two older brothers. My oldest doesn't need me like he used to - a self proclaimed big kid. It is a screaming reminder to appreciate exactly where I am right now because time is not standing still. Life is crazy and life is good. That is why I like this picture.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/veridianblue/2507873465/

[Kate Baumert]

http://happyinthehamptons.blogspot.com/2008/05/summer-time.html

While I'm not a mother, this time of year holds milestones and changes for me as well :)

[camerashymomma]

i've come to recognize your words within the first few lines, tracey. i love how you write.

i couldn't think of a picture other than this one, as sometimes i feel i can only see a part of myself in the whole, while my entire future lay ahead of me in a blur (slightly off balance, skewed and wonky). i can feel that i'm at a threshold of something, i just don't know what it is yet.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/camerashymomma/2500138883/

[Shalet]

I'm actually looking forward to the slower pace of summer. I purposely don't schedule the kids for many activities (which I may regret by summer's end). I, too, am watching the kids grow so quickly - it seems all a dream.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/peculiarmomma/2494248221/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/peculiarmomma/2494095049/in/photostream/

[Lyn]

my twins start kindergarten in the fall -- and if I think too hard about it I get all choked up. But for today: this is what life means to me:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/11439752@N04/2497450674/

[sperlygirl]

i am so feeling this lately. my little man is 2 - but seeing his growth and the many changes just makes me realize how fast time is passing. it's a glorious yet heart-tugging notion. I just try and savor every moment and allow space for the changes ahead. I finally 'get' this ebb and flow of emotion that is motherhood.
http://sperlygirl.typepad.com/sperlygirl/2008/05/a-blur.html

[Janine]

When I took this at the city market, kids were standing still, waiting so patiently for their turns. So I took a picture of the artist and his tools. His hands move very quickly...

http://flickr.com/photos/25744047@N03/2503997814/in/set-72157605128216186/

[vivienne]

wow. this picture takes my breath away tracey!

[Kim]

the rush of all of it stops me hard sometimes. how does it cycle back and move forward all at the same time? your photo is a lovely, gentle pause.

http://callmezari.blogspot.com/2008/05/clean-it-out-and-it-fills-again.html

[Kathleen]

I think some of my favorite photos are the ones that remind me how quickly time passes and to enjoy the small wonders all around. Where am I right now? Nearly one year into a guardianship of this sweet, sweet boy, and feeling the blur almost constantly!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/23630286@N05/2447632880/

[Jen]

After loosing my job in January, I decided that it would be better for me and my family for me to be a stay at home mom. I also decided it was time for me to pursue photography and take it to the next level. I have not regretted my decision at all. I've seen the changes in my daughter since then, and am now pregnant with my second child.

For the first time in my life, I feel free, relaxed and at peace with my inner self. I have discovered a whole new world!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jlynn28/2493567356/

[carissa]

tracey...

oh my... blushing over here... that "mightiest of moms" link took my by BIG surprise! how fun! we are all in this mighty mom thing together!

what a great shot! LOVE it! i loved this post... you SO described how i feel... THE BLUR! there are days... even weeks that go by and i wonder "what did i just do"? wanting to hold onto my girls & stop the spinning if only for a time! i know they need to spread their wings & fly too... just not yet!

forever tending the balance of "it all"... trying to keep my heart & eyes open!

blessings...

[Lawyer Mama]

Love that picture. It's so perfect for this post.

I just blogged about my children making me live in the moment earlier this week. I think it describes where I am right now very well.

http://www.lawyermama.com/lawyermama/2008/05/family.html

[Trude]

OMG I so hear you on that one! I don't have kids yet, but I'm really feeling that same quick passage of time. I just attended my best friend's graduation from law school and my cousin's from undergrad, and am looking forward to my brother's graduation from high school and a close friend (first one from my "group") getting married. But talk about yikes, right?!! I just posted some really terrible photos from one of the graduation ceremonies:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/trudem/

[renee]

Because we homeschool I can step off the crazy kid-activity train if need be and I did just that last week. I haven't accomplished all my goals for this season and I've had to scale back expectations, for everything - the house, school, yard, relationships, but I'm a happier mama. This picture sums up my mood for this next season; blooming, hopeful, cheery.

http://fimby.tougas.net/Pelargonium_and_Viola_May_morning

Mothering-wise, this poem sums up the place I always come back to when I feel my children's childhood slipping away. Doesn't exactly cheer me up (kid's growing is a bit melancholy no matter how you look at it) but encourages me to live the moment.

http://fimby.tougas.net/Weeds_and_Wildflowers

[Val]

Absolutely beautiful.

[Naomi]

This moment in time for me:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/nomesthenome/2511206662/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/nomesthenome/2511206642/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/nomesthenome/2511206650/

is about shedding all my autumn (but feels like winter) layers as I walk through my front door after work.

[leslie]

oh gosh. i get such a sick feeling in my stomach when i think how fast this ride we call life is going. really. really. sick!
you wrote this perfectly. thanks you!

[Mother Earth]

Nobody prepared me for the shift to the end of year blur. Such transition, incredible sadness, and gratitude - huge magnitude of gratitude to the teachers and the year of experiences gone by. I had no idea. I remember thinking am I alone in this flood of emotions? I wept at my son's preschool graduation. Mine are now 20 and 17. I am getting better at it. My son is off at college and really doesn't include me in his studies - with him all I can say is my god he's a junior in college now and soon he'll be 21 yrs old. How the heck did that happen? What astounds me is he's wonderfully independant ( see mom pat herself on the back ) we create those independant children. It is worth striving for please take my word on this one. On the other hand my daughter tells me all and I feel the weight of the end of this year tremendously. Teacher gifts were eurosacs for reusable veggie shopping. I have to do something to say I won't forget you.

[val]

Recently I have been thinking about how parenting is a long study in letting go. And when I want time to slow down to enjoy the magic of a 4 year old, the days seem to be flying by. Blurry.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/vrfoltz/2506337191/

[daiseedeb]

I am in a wonderful place right now. Looking forward to turning 50, watching my children grow professionally, spiritually,into families of their own. I became a Nana for the first time in November 2007. He is my sunshine. It brings back
glimpses of when my three were wee. I wanted to take a family portrait that looked like a painting (always wanted to paint, but have no time) that represented how I felt about their lives as well as mine. This is what I came up with.
" Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons"
-- RUTH ANN SCHABACKER

http://www.flickr.com/photos/daiseedeb/2447106981/in/set-72157603269027053/