Crap Shoot

I saw a photograph the other day of a baby. She was about eight months old, with round bubble gum cheeks that sat on her tiny shoulders. It reminded me of my own babies. Except suddenly I couldn't think of any pictures that I had of my own childrens' cheeks. The realization felt surprising and sad. And final. Like without the solidity of a photograph, the memory of those details was now precarious. What about their fat knuckles?  And their finger nails? And their belly buttons? Did I take pictures of these things? Or had I been putting it off until "tomorrow when I wasn't so busy". And now it was too late, and those memories feel like any minute they might fly away. Then, the more I thought, the more I realized I hadn't been putting off those pictures because I was busy. It was because I'd been viewing my life as a photographer. Instead of a mother. Person.Observer. We talk a lot around here about showing the messy, the real, the imperfect. And I believe in all of that. So that's why it surprised me to realize that I'd been looking at my whole LIFE as a photo session. If the light was bad, what's the point? If I was too far away, "it'll just sit on my hard drive as a snap shot anyway". YUCK. Sometimes we end up longing for those "bad" snap shots!

So, I'd been mulling this over. And Monday I had an opportunity to get over my self and my stupid perfectionism. My daughter, Annie, started kindergarten and my heart was in my throat. There were people, and flourescent lights. She was nervous, and I was missing her already. All I had was my little camera, and a horrible view of her in a far-away sea of children. But it was the last view I'd have before she walked into that Big Girl Hallway. My baby. The one I kept in the hospital bed with me because I wanted to watch her breathe. She used to fit into my kitchen sink. And her day belonged to me. Now I would have to rely on others to tell me about it. So many times I'd been counting down "until". But at that moment I would've given anything to be able to put her back into that sink for one more bath. Or to feel her sleeping on my shoulder.

I didn't want to lose that feeling. So I whipped out my little camera, zoomed in as close as I could, and got this. A shot that is so blurry you can't hardly make her out. But I love it because it reminds me of how fast everything goes by.

So, in honor of "letting go", I'm calling this "Crap Shoot" day. These are your shots that wouldn't necessarily win an award, but that help you save an important story. Please share yours with us! And then next week, stop by my blog on Thursday, because I think I'm going to make this a regular thing.

p.s. I don't consider this shot above as a "crap shot". It's just an image of one of my sweet clients. They're expecting their first child, and it reminded me about how fast it all goes. One day you're shining a flash light into a belly. The next, you're watching your baby waltz into kindergarten. So take pictures. In the end, all that matters is remembering.

Comments

[Marcie]

ONe day they're playing in the summer sun..the next they're back at school:
http://bravo.unisonplatform.com/~marciesc/index.php?showimage=498

[Jeana]

yes, i think some of my best memories are documented in some really terrible shots! here's 2 fairly recent ones:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jeanamarie31/2550908528/in/set-72157605439604850/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jeanamarie31/2636025848/in/set-72157605439604850/

[Antonio]

Nice one !

[Beth]

I couldn't see the photo of your daughter. The link goes back to the post.

I have the same problem and DH keeps reminding me that snapshots are o.k. too!

[shelli]

I usually go ahead and take photos of special moments whether or not I know they're going to come out okay. Sometimes I just have to save the moment. Though looking at those shots later and having to show them to people make me cringe.

But I like this one. It's blurry...won't win awards. But I love his expression. He was thrilled with the big statue of the bison.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/spabis/2780465617/in/set-72157606831850944/

[HSY]

Oh, thank God. I thought I was the only person who got lots and lots of crap shots. Thanks for being honest, vulnerable, but encouraging to go ahead and get a shot of memories.

[ELK]

Maile I can relate to BOTH the blur of the photos and the sending off..

my daughter who is away at college sharing a moment of delight with her sister:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sammymom/2760183631/

[margie]

http://www.flickr.com/photos/margela/

certainly this photo is a crap shoot, but the moment was priceless, his wailing could be heard all over the island, insulted that he, of all people, was expected to wear a life jacket. he was tramping back up from the lake to complain to his mother.

[Amanda]

This photo is from Christmas when my son unwrapped his "little friend" Petey. He immediately gave him the biggest hug, and I'm so glad I got this moment in a photo - even though it's terribly blurry and the light is all wrong... It still makes me smile every time I look at it.

http://amanda.smugmug.com/gallery/3963370_CFAkW/1/236068454_QhQea/Medium

[Terri]

Several years ago I went to help out on my sons school field trip to the zoo. Since they had more help then they needed I didn't have to watch any of the other kids. So I was able to spend the day alone with my son. He loved to feed the fish and this is the shot I took of him doing it. Not perfect in anyway but it's a memory of that day i will never forget

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mondaysmemories/2802249047/

[Sharon]

Just the post I needed. I am sending my boys off to the first day of preschool, and it is pouring rain outside, no good light, and I was planning on skipping pictures. Thank you!

[Jess]

I send my Annie off to half-day kindergarten in a couple of weeks!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jesspunky/2803121728/
This is one of my favorite pictures of her.
She was 3 days old and we were trying to take a picture of her for a christmas card.
We didn't send this one out, but we did put it up at home.

[Anna at Hank & Willie]

Oh Maile, you made my heart break! I celebrate the crap shot!

This was nursery school last year..

http://hankandwillie.wordpress.com/2007/09/13/ha/

[Wayfaring Wanderer]

Even if I think that the photos aren't going to turn out the way I expect, I still shoot.......

You never know!
http://wayfaring-wanderer.blogspot.com/2008/08/weekend-snippet.html

[Stephanie]

Oh, this made me cry. The first week of school is always emotional for me...but when it's your last baby...whew. Here is my crap shoot photo. It shows the total free spirited-ness of my kids:
http://slsmithphotgraphy.typepad.com/my_weblog/2008/08/crap-shoot.html

[abbey]

I struggle with this too.... if I don't think the shot is 1/2 way good I will delete it! Those small moments are too priceless to delete!

http://www.photoblog.com/abbeyh13/2008/07/06/clarity.html

[~ kristina ~]

Lots of crap shoots here!

Many times when we're traveling I don't have time to sit and take dozens of photos as I would at home, because we have to get back in the car...here's one of a yucca. Would've liked more time with these lovelies.

http://meadowlarkdays.blogspot.com/2008/08/hallmark-of-west.html

[Marcene]

I had one of these just yesterday. My kids first soccer game, right before his first day of kindergarten. It will be fun to watch him make new friendships... all the kids on his team are in his class.
Anyway this isn't the best shot but it is what it is...life!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/21008348@N03/2801301137/in/photostream/

[Sandee]

I have two photos that I originally thought of as crap, because they didn't achieve what I wanted, but later, realized they were keepers, for a different reason.

1-My point-and-shoot occasionally misreads color in my photos--turquoise always comes out as green, and the sky in this picture was overcast, but definitely not pink. I noticed this on the screen, but took it anyway, hoping it might print ok. I was disappointed to see the pink sky did not go away. But after emailing it to Maile to show my new granddaughter, she commented how it looked perfect, like the sky had been dyed pink for the new baby girl. A new perspective made all the difference...

2-my mom (an old Idaho farm girl) is definitely anti-organics and anything "green" and makes snide comments from time to time. My son and his wife buy organic whenever possible, especially for the baby. When I saw this "Organic Baby" shirt, I HAD to get it! But, getting a photo of this baby-in-motion was not working. My big idea was to put her in the high chair. We got photos..but later realized that the tray obscured the shirt. CRAP. Later, while just scanning the photos, I saw them for what they were--photos of my adorable grand-daughter, shirt or not. Now I love it...and it's hidden agenda ;-)

(I will email you the photos...)

[claudia]

I'm so guilty of being quick to delete the not-so-good shots. I need to stop that. Here's one I hand held and thought for sure it wouldn't be "good", of course it would have been treasured either way.
http://gnubee.wordpress.com/2008/08/27/wordfull-wednesday-always/

[Lan]

i have a point/shoot and alot of my motion pix come out crappy and blurry but in this instance, when i took the picture, i was slightly loopy from happy hour anyway.

http://whatiseeclicks.blogspot.com/2008/08/blurryunderworld.html

[Photocheek]

I don't have a photo to share at the moment, but I wanted to say THANK YOU for posting this. You have put to words what I've been doing most of my life...missing 'life' because I want the perfect shot. Your words, 'what's the point?' and 'it'll just end up on my hard drive' could have been spoken myself - they sure have been thought many a time. I've put off those special moments more times than I'd like to think simply because the light was bad or the subject seemed too far away and I couldn't get close...or some other excuse for perfection that I had no control over.

Thank you so much for the clarity in this!

[Dirkey]

I had one of these the other week from my cousins wedding.
http://dirkey.blogspot.com/2008/08/crap-shot-wordless-wednesday.html

[jfrancis]

The speed of life
is appalling,
so too the speed
in our rearview mirror.

[Chasity]

And now you've made me cry! i was JUST complaining about this the other day. Saying i had next to no shots of parker's first year because it was my first year as a "real" photographer and i hated that half of the shots i've gotten of him have been "crap" since i look at them so critically. thanks for the wake up call!

[tonya]

Oh yeah, I agree 100%. Just reading this made me sad because I instantly knew THE PHOTO that I loved. Loved. ANd at one time had posted on Flickr. But it was crap, really, and at some point I deleted it. Poof. Gone. And now, thinking about it, breaks my heart. My then 4 yo in a crazy homemade turtle cape kissing her daddy amidst the embarrasingly wiped-out living room. Really wiped out. Fast food wrappers and dog hair and clothes on the floor. And through PHOTOGRAPHER'S EYES I deleted it. But boy do these mom's eyes wish she could lay sight on it again. Thanks for the reminder.

A few more I'm never letting get away:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/tonyadoughty/1004519509/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/tonyadoughty/375850357/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/tonyadoughty/2757266783/

[chriselda]

wow. i wish i could relate. but i don't have any crap shots.
bwhahahaha.

that was funny!!!!

you know, this whole post is so amazing because i think as photographers, we forget that it's ok to not make every image GREAT. we delete the blurs. and well, those are some of the most real moments. and we're deleting them because we don't think they meet our standards.

i heard a speaker at WPPI say once "if you want to know which of your images suck the most... go look at the ones that they marked as their favorites" and it's TRUE. because regardless how bad (blurry, oof, wrong color, etc) we think they are... these are the moments to them!

and they should be to us too! so thank you.

[Gayle]

Here's my shot. I took in on our summer vacation this past week. It's pretty bad, but what a wonderful time it preserves!

http://planetmfiles.com/2008/08/27/crap-shoot-on-vacation/

[Julie Alvarez]

I have tons of crapy shots, of course...
Here are some:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/juliealvarez/2755739646/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/juliealvarez/2744534432/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/juliealvarez/2743694277/

[bridge]

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3271/2804209556_a7961e6b3d_b.jpg
This is also my kindergartener on the first or second day of school giving her best friend some love and affection.

[Christina]

Wow, this one really got to me. Thank you!

[SH]

This is so SO true. I put off taking pictures of my new baby because I was too tired to drag out the bean bag and the blankets and position her just right and blah blah blah. It angers me that I let the sands of time slip by because of my need for everything to be perfect.

I am trying to let go of this. But it's hard. Sometimes I wish I didn't care so much about photography ...

[Amy Nickerson]

These photos were both taken on a recent trip to Honduras. Although they turned out quite blurry, they really capture the playfulness of children.
http://amysroad.blogspot.com/2008/08/my-crap-shoots.html

[Rachel Parton]

I like this post a lot. I've definitely been guilty of deleting the blurry pictures, but there are always some that are just too precious to delete, despite the "imperfection."

http://www.flickr.com/photos/partonponderings/2803716809/

[lora]

precious. thank you so much for saying all of this. i needed to hear that. for so many reasons.

[kikalee]

I love this shot, but do regret I couldn't capture her expression. I think you get a good idea though.

At three, this was the year she fully comprehended the meaning of birthday. And what better way than to celebrate with a princess cake.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/55655989@N00/2664898994/?edited=1

[Jodyangel]

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jodyangel/2804840962/


...really bad photo. But I love the picture. So here it is. I've never loaded it OBviously lol. But she was my sweet baby Ohh just a few years ago I swear! Time flys..

[carrie]

http://www.flickr.com/photos/carrielouise/2800477771/

the results of trying to photograph all my kids together. And the baby didn't get in on the action...fortunately.

[kristin]

oh yes shoot shoot shoot, i am more than prolific and to some relatives way more prolific then they see fit, BAH! i say. i will have the most fun seeing all these as my memory fades, like maybe tomorrow!!! love this idea maile! crap shoot it is.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/14811117@N02/2796692531/

[angie]

So well said! How many times have I left the camera at home so I could be mommy? I did leave the camera at home for our recent vacation, but my husband brought it. And we made the kids pose in one of those cut-outs for posterity. http://graymattersonline.net/2008/08/28/vacation/

[kacey]

Oh, I think some of my best memories are captured in "crap" shots. These are all snap-shot-ish and still make me smile:

http://www.wineonthekeyboard.com/2008/08/14/hey-watch-this/

And this silly picture that my blog readers came up with captions for it. Made me laugh out loud on some of these.

http://www.wineonthekeyboard.com/2008/08/28/august-photo-of-the-month-reminder/