you in the picture

In the last three years, I've taken over 200,000 photos. Most of these are pictures of my family. My kids, my husband, parents, etc.  I just went back and looked at all of them. Guess how many of these photos have me in them?

Eleven.

I am not making this up. Out of the hundreds of thousands of photos we have of our family from the last three years, my face is in eleven of them. Eleven.

I hate having my picture taken. Since I am the official family photographer, I rarely ever face having to be in the pictures myself. On the rare occasions when someone asks me to get in the photo, I always respectfully refuse to do it. I am quiet about it but also firm. This is how I've successfully managed to avoid being in most of them.

I've learned that many photographers are like me; they prefer to stay behind the camera. For me, the biggest reason is that I have a hard time seeing myself in a picture. When I look at a photo, all I can see is the bulges of fat or the imperfections in my features. I see the blemishes on my face. My too-big nose. My belly. My sunken eyes. Bushy eyebrows. I can go on and on. I don't see the happy mom or the loving wife, I just see a flawed human being.

I don't know how much of this is common across all people and how much of it my low self-esteem but here's what I do know: I need to get over it.

I need to get into the picture more often.

There are many reasons why it's important to take the time and effort to be in more of our photographs. This list might be different for each person but here are some of my reasons:

Posterity
I lost my grandmother last February. One of the first things I did after she passed away was collect all the photos of her I could find. I wanted pictures from all throughout her life from childhood to old age. Those photos were the faces of all my memories of her. They are what brought my thoughts to life and I held them close for a long time. They allowed me to mourn and remember all at the same time. I don't think it's fair to deny that to my children or loved ones. I can't imagine a world where I didn't have any photos of my grandmother. Photos are one of the most significant ways we're remembered. People don't look at how big your nose was,; they're just so happy to have anything of you left to them. So I remind myself that even if I don't want to do it for myself, I owe it to my kids, to my husband, and other people who love me.

Therapy
While it has tangible benefits to others, I think having my picture taken more often is also going to be beneficial to me. Repetition has numbing power. If I just get in the photos all the time no matter how dressed up I might or might not be, I think I will stop seeing all the details of myself in each photo. It will just become the norm that I am in pictures and I will start looking at it the way I look at the other people in the picture. Seeing myself again and again, hugging the people I love, smiling, and being happy is bound to have a positive effect on me eventually. And even if it doesn't, it means I will have hundreds of proofs of my joyful life.

Education
Because I get my photo taken so rarely, I have never experimented with different angles or looks. I don't know if I have a good side. I don't know if it's better for me to lean on one foot or lean forward. I don't know if I should smile with an open mouth or a closed one. Many of these things might seem silly to think about but a lot of being photogenic is about knowing the small details about yourself. Even the most beautiful person can look terrible if the picture is taken from the wrong point of view. So having more photos of myself will give me exposure and opportunity to learn.

Empathy
I take pictures of people all the time. I do professional shoots of families. I take photos of my kids, my husband, my parents and even strangers. I guarantee you that most of these people feel the discomfort of being in front of the lens. As a photographer who never has her own picture taken, it's easy for me to forget how uncomfortable it feels to be in front of the camera. And since I do this as a profession, I think it's important for me to remember that delicate feeling. It will make me a better photographer.

Because of these reasons, and more, I decided that 2011 will be the year when I get in the picture more often. I will create opportunities to make sure it happens. Each month, I will set up our tripod so we can get a full-family shot. I will hand over the camera to my husband. I will learn the intricacies of the self timer and find the best spots to use it in my house. I will experiment with angles and creative shots. I will take enough photos of myself that I can see myself as just another person in the photo. I will do this for myself and for my children. And I won't wait until January.

The holidays are the best time to start such a project because there's a lot of joy and festivity. Also because most people have visitors during the holidays so there are more people to hand over the camera to and more reasons to capture each moment. So, if any of you are like me and tend to avoid being in the picture, I challenge you to get in the photo more this holiday season. Just let go of your worries and embrace the opportunity. Hand over that camera and hug your loved ones. Put on a big smile and say cheese. I am confident you will not regret it.

In the meantime, I would love for you to share the last time you were in front of the lens. If you can't find one, how about you take a photo right now and share it with us?

Image and words courtesy of Guest Blogger / Honorary Sister Karen Grunberg of Karenika.

Comments

[Natalie]

Thank you for this. It really hit home for me and I vow to do the same.

[Jen at Cabin Fever]

Eleven? Wow. I love having my photo taken and even take self portraits every so often. About 95% of the photos of me I take myself. My husband hates cameras and I am always the one that ends up behind the lens, so its not willingly. If I wasn't behind the camera no one else would be and I refuse to live life without photographing it :)

http://www.cabinfeververmont.com

http://www.nekphotography.blogspot.com

[Angie Willis]

Eleven? Wow - that's lots. I'm in two of mine. If someone points a camera at me I run a mile because I am TRULY unphotogenic.

[dlmoore]

I am on a family vacation right now. I was thinking of this very thing today - I'm rarely in photos for the very same reasons you mentioned. I'm so self-conscious and I envy those who just enjoy the moment and smile. My role with the camera is one of observer, record keeper, etc. Being behind the camera both brings me into the moment and puts a shield between myself and the moment - does that make sense?

Today, we went snorkeling for the second time. The first time, my young son (he's 8) was a bit leary. Today, he claimed the underwater camera. I made sure he had it - recognizing it would take his mind off the parts of snorkeling that make him uncomfortable while giving him a reason to participate. it worked! Maybe he's more like his momma than i thought!

You put into words exactly how I often feel. This trip, I even thought about one day, it may be hard to find photos of me. Especially, since so far, I've shot nearly 600 photos on this vacation and I'm in 2 of them -- and they're two shots of the same pose!

Your piece both hits a deep nerve and inspires me. I'll try harder the last few days of vacation and let you know how it goes.

~denise

PS
I still think everyone will automatically be drawn to my incredibly double chin, thinning hair, and appearing-way-larger-than-they-must-surely-be hips!

[Marcie]

You've expressed all of the reasons why I'm never in the photos..and all of the reasons why I should start finding ways and opportunities to photograph myself. In all of the thousands of images I've made..there are less than a handful of me.
So - to that - I can't offer up a picture of myself today..only my daily post. But - someday - I do hope. You've inspired me.
http://marciescudderphotography.com/index.php?showimage=1374

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[Rachel]

I'm another who hates having my photo taken. I'm not pretty. I'm not stylish. I'm not good at doing fancy things with hair and makeup.

But this weekend just gone, I threw caution to the wind, and broke out my new tripod to get a photo of myself with my tiny 7 week old daughter. Tripod. Remote. Baby. And me. Not pretty, not stylish, just a mama and her girl, and a stolen moment in the evening.

http://rachelmeszaros.com.au/explore/?p=400

[Betty R @ Just A South Jersey Girl]

Every reason you stated for not being in the photos are the exact same reasons I decline having my photo taken. These reasons seem ridiculous when I start to talk about why I DO take photographs of everyone and everything else. It was only recently that I started to think that maybe my sons would like to have pictures of me and not just of themselves and their step-dad. They see me regularly and don't have an issue with my "Eddie Munster" forehead, double chin, pudgy fingers, & crooked smile so why would they have issues with seeing me in photos? I gritted my teeth and hopped into an impromptu photo with my family and we're using it as our Christmas card this year:

http://www.bettyrank.com/img/s8/v12/p143329247-2.jpg

It's a start right?

Great post to start off my week. Thank you for sharing.

[Nicky hurt]

I know how you feel. Really. But as a scrapbooker, i realized a few years ago how important it is to be in scrapbooks- which means in photos- no matter how fat i get. Today my kids and i set up the christmas tree and i set up the tripod & used my remote to take pics of the process. I'll be in my kids' scrapbooks :)

[jan]

I actually have a phobia of having my picture taken that began in childhood! Picture day at school was always so stressful for me. So, I've hidden through the years and there are very few photographs of me as my children grew up. I'm trying to change how I handle being on that side of the camera as I learn more about being on the creative side. Thanks for sharing. Seems like this is a sisterhood within a sisterhood!

[Kathy Jo Camamcho]

When you look at pictures of your grandmother, do you look at the picture and find her flaws? No - I know you don't. You see how beautiful she was. Her smile. Her joy. That is what people will see when they look at photos of you. They won't care if you are over weight, have a pimple, or a bad hair day. They love you. Your children will look at your photos and see the fun, and joy and love on your face. Go for it! Get in front of that camera. You won't regret it.

[Rebecca]

Very true--hardly ever make it into a picture. (last one--august, summer vacation, before that-I have no clue)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/rebeccasmithphotography/5217268149/

[lucy]

oh, this post hits close to home, and i, too, will be doing something about it in 2011. to get things started, i handed over the camera to my daughter this thanksgiving and she took this of me and her sweet cousin. love it!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/lucyloomis/5213246552/

[DawnS]

I think we should all put Karen's book on our Christmas list this year...being different is beautiful. Whether it's your nose or your chin or your eyes or your pimples or your weight...it's what makes you "you"...and "you" are beautiful (inside and out)!

http://www.chookooloonks.com/the-beauty-of-different

[Amy]

The last photo I was in was a self-portrait:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/15772313@N07/5016142188/in/set-72157624497018551/

And not a particularly creative one. Other than the few selfies I have, I'm not in many photos either, for all the same reasons. But I've discovered that taking self-portraits once in a while helps on so many levels. First, you can control the shot, so if you want to dim the lights to minimize skin imperfections, or wear makeup that you typically save for special occasions, or put on a costume, or even wear a hat to hide behind, you can do that. You get to control how you look, so if you don't like the shot, you can just do it again. Second, it helps you learn how to look your best in a photo. I have recently gained a LOT of weight, and I'm self-conscious about it, but taking a few selfies helped me to learn that a) I'm not as fat as I think, and b) if I keep my head level (not tilted down or up), I don't have to showcase my budding double chin. So if someone wants to take a picture of me now, I know not to go to my old default of tipping my chin up in the air.

I would advise anyone who is self-conscious in front of the camera to look through some self-portraits on Flickr -- not just the super-fancy ones, but even the simple, camera-in-the-mirror shots like the one I took here. You'll see that nobody is perfect, but everyone is beautiful in the right light.

I would also advise everyone here to be kind to yourself. Be kind in your self-talk, but also be kind in the way you dress yourself and take care of yourself. Find out what makes you feel beautiful, and do it every day. And likewise, find out the things that make you feel unpretty, and cut them out of your life. If you have a shirt that's comfy but doesn't make you feel pretty, get rid of it and replace it with something that does make you feel pretty. If you hide inside drab colors and frumpy shapes, give yourself a rule that you will not buy any neutrals for a whole year, forcing yourself to try some color (I had to do that, and it was the best thing I ever did for myself!). If you hate your hair, spend the time and effort to find a haircut that you do like, and maintain it. Don't wear pajama pants during the day unless you're sick or exercising -- get dressed in clothes that make you feel good about yourself, even if it's just jeans and a comfy top. Spend 5 minutes every morning doing something that makes you feel pretty -- if wearing makeup makes you feel pretty but you never want to spend the time on it, just do the basics like concealer and blush and lip gloss and do that every morning. It takes less than 5 minutes. Or if you don't like makeup, but you have these earrings that you love and can never find the occasion to wear, put them on. Do something to make yourself feel special. Then when the camera is pointed at you, you will feel more confident to begin with, so it will be less disconcerting.

[Angela Giles Klocke]

This is why I'm currently doing a 365 of self-portraits. I'm covering my whole 35th year. I prefer to be behind the camera, but like you, for the longest time I hated every photo of myself and stayed out. Then I'd regret not being in shots when we went places. So. I don't love every shot I take now but I feel more and more comfortable. And I actually like myself in many shots. Go figure!

[Jenny Modesitt]

I prefer to be behind the camera and cringe every time someone takes my picture. I too realized I am never seen in pictures with my children. The other night I decided this had to change...
http://momentswiththemookies.wordpress.com/2010/11/23/our-little-ones/

[AnnGeeDee]

I prefer to be behind the camera also, but recently, I started adding a few self portraits into my 365 project. It's been good practice, but it still feels very awkward. Here's my most recent one: http://www.flickr.com/photos/anngeedee/5168074471/

[MJ Evans]

I hope by stepping in front of the camera more often you will begin to see how beautiful you really are. This picture of you and your baby is wonderful and you are very pretty.

[Kristen Hardy]

Thank you thank you for posting this. I just forced myself to become familiar with my tripod and purchased a remote control for this reason. I relate on two levels. I lost my mom 7 years ago to breast cancer. I sit with our family albums and wish so badly that she was in more of them. I treasure the ones I have of her.

Second, I have recently divorced and found myself to be a single mom of 3 beautiful kids. I want them to know that I existed.....and to not let these moments go by. Moments where I as a mom are involved as well. I think this is so very important.

My theory is that women or mom's may tend to be the more sentimental ones. They are the ones to think to pick up the camera to capture those moments that go by too quickly. So we tend to be in less of them.

Thank you for this....I am going to work hard at being in more shots!

[Samantha]

Wow, this post really hits close to home. I'm surprised at how many feel the same way.

In most of the pictures with me in them, I'm hiding my face or turning away. I'm very self critical and I search out the flaws photos of me (which leads me to delete the majority of them)

I used to have no problem being in photos, and thought I looked pretty good in them actually. Then someone looked at a not so good photo and said to me " You are not very photogenic, are you?". This was the turning point for me in photos. I believed them and somehow that made me tense in front of the camera, rather then be free and natural and comfortable.

I'm hoping that changing my inner thoughts from "Im not photogenic" to "I'm so photogenic!" will help me view myself in a different light.

thank you for this post!!

[Frameofmind]

I would venture to say that the vast majority of women feel this way (a need to hide from the camera). My feelings as to why? How can we possibly "stack up" to the unrealistic expectations of both the media's and society's rigid standards of what is considered "a beautiful" woman. So, we run! There's nothing new here that I am expressing yet most of us still fall prey to the "I'm not pretty enough, skinny enough, photogenic enough" mentality...fill in your own personal blank.

I think that a great point was made....images of one's self are a gift that we give to our loved ones. And when all is said and done, those gifts (and all the others that come from the heart) are some of the most important legacies and memories we'll leave behind. PS-I'm still working on the in front of the camera thing myself :)

[Michelle]

The amount of comments shows you're definitely not alone, Karen. I have felt the same way, especially after being sick for a while and having my appearance change. But, I started a 365 as a newbie to Flickr last year (didn't even know people did non selfie 365's at the time) and have been liberated. Plus getting a new camera helped :) I used the pictures to document things in my life quite a bit and let my blog posts follow. It's almost over, but I'm so glad I did it.

Blog musings on the end of 365:http://myso-calledhandmadelife.blogspot.com/2010/11/im-ready.html

Full project:http://www.flickr.com/photos/mamatronic/sets/72157623024844255/

[Libertad Leal]

Well, I guess I am sort of strange, because I actually enjoy having my picture taken. Either by others or myself. I have a growing collection of self portraits. At first I thought it would be so strange to do a self portrait, but the more I do them, the more I enjoy it. I have actually started a little project called "Everyday Mother" in which I take self portraits of my everyday life as a mother. They are challenging to take, but I enjoy it very much. here is the link:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/libertadleal/sets/72157625114491446/

[Fran]

Thank you for your post. I, too, just deemed 2011 and the holidays as the shift for me to appear in more photos. I just wrote it as one of my xmas wishes in my blog post from Saturday. But, sure enough, as we were decorating the tree yesterday, my husband brings out the camera (usually my job) and I froze up and even got biligerant about it. My hair wasn't right or the sweater I was wearing made my stomach look unusually large or the lighting was bad. It was terrible. Just days after I made the committment!!! THis is definitely going to be a lot of work but it will be worth it in the end. I want to have pics of me and my babies, me and my husband. I want to leave them behind for the kids because I know how important it is when a person is gone. Looking back I don't have nearly enough of anyone in my family and it's hard. I won't make the same mistake for my kids...but it is going to be painful in the meantime :)

Thanks again! beautiful post!

[Holly]

Loved the sentiments expressed in this post and it inspires me to be more conscientious about creating space for myself in my documenting. Thx for lighting a fire! :-)

[Liz Nelson]

Karen-
I am with you. Sometimes I get home from a trip and realize that there is not one picture of me. Need to start passing the torch every now and then.

[Ann]

This post hit me straight in the heart. Thank you for your brave words as I needed to hear this reminder.

[Karen]

This post also hit very close to home for me and is so timely that my mouth dropped. My husband and I are in the process of adopting a baby. One of the steps is to pull 50 photographs that can be shared in our adoptive family profile that the birth parents will view and use to select the adoptive family for thier child. Well for a part-time photographer that seemed so easy, but It has become quite a challenge and really forced me to see that I am rarely in a photograph. Now, I am setting up opportunities to be photographed - working in the yard, baking, etc. in order to complete this task.

While I will have left quite a legacy of photographs of my family and friends, I have cheated them from having the same of me. I don't like having my photo taken either as it is just not as comfortable as being behind the lens. However, I realize now how foolish it is to always hide yourself behind the camera. I am thankful that I learned this lesson now while there is still time do something about it!

Thank you for your post!

[darrah parker]

Since I'm the photographer in the family, I spent all of Thanksgiving taking photos of everyone. After a couple of days, I realized that I wasn't in any of the photos, so I snuck away and had a quiet moment alone with my thoughts and my camera. This is the result:

http://www.darrahparker.com/blog/alone.html

[Suki]

We all need to do it more.
Last i have been in a picture.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/suki_fotografiert/5211777015/

[Lesley]

Thank you for the reminder. It really hit home!

p.s. When I look at your picture I see a beautiful child and equally beautiful mama :)

[J;ane Martin]

As far as I am concerned, the existence of remote controls, self timers, tripods, bean bags and the hands of others, including virtually any stranger I meet, are so I can be in the picture, particularly when my husband and I are somewhere and there is not another person around! My personal rule is: if the camera is pointed at me, I am smiling! In every picture I have of my grandmother, she is scowling or looking sad and I vowed a long time that when I am gone from this earth, I do not want folks--anybody--looking at pictures of me and thinking, "What a grouch." Nor do I want to be remembered as a crabby old woman, even if I am one! It's all about being part of the group, be it family, friends, co-workers or whomever, not just the historian. Documenting is nice and it's fun, but it's not everything and it's not necessarily the example you want to set. My almost 4 year old grand-daughter loves "blinkin' lights" and that timer gets a smile from her every time! You can do this! It will make everyone happy, including you.

[shirley]

Yup, I shied away from being in the picture, too. Having a complex camera doesn't help - but now I find myself getting good with the mirror shots, and setting up the tripod. The kids love using the remote control for the shutter release, making things more fun for them.

We've started to take a group picture at Thanksgiving now and even included the cats:
http://shirley319.blogspot.com/2010/11/327365-happy-thanksgiving.html

[bridge]

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ridethewavesoflife/5212091963/

Sooooo many photos here. so few of me. I forced the teenage boy to pose in some photos with me.
I love it.

[brandi]

actually, I experience the opposite situation. When I started photography, I practiced taking photos of myself alot. It got to where I was fairly comfortable in front of the camera-I know what angles look good on me, etc. I also used self photography as therapy-as you mentioned-a way to help reconsile and heal my relationship with myself and my body.

So when I get really self critical client (like last weekend), I am always surprised by their critique of how they look. What do you mean you look ridiculous there or fat here or don't like your nose??? Can't you see your unique beauty??? Don't you know that my job is only to capture your beauty? So, because I see the beauty, I don't always first think of any uncomfortable feelings they may be having and I intend to be more open to those feelings and address them before hand.

[Kat]

This is such a hard topic. I identify with your words so completely. There is rarely a photo of me that I like. This one, randomly taken in an elevator earlier this year, shows that I can come up with a shot I like when I just let go and don't worry so much. But I still haven't taken one since. :( Something to continue work on... thanks for the reminder.
http://www.kateyeview.com/2010/05/intuition-and-gratitude-and-joy.html

[Jamie Solorio]

Here is my last picture, it is a little strange...

http://jamie-solorio.blogspot.com/2010/10/halloween-picture-of-me-and-chance-to.html

[Melanie]

I'm okay with taking self-portraits, because I have control over how I look and can exclude any that I don't like, but I typically run from the camera when anyone else is holding it (though I end up in more photos than I'd like thanks to the work that I do as a music blogger). Thanks for this post - that photo is really gorgeous. I'll think twice before shielding my face from the camera next time.

Here's the last photo that someone else took (that's me on the right):

http://www.flickr.com/photos/apartmentlife/5094951371

I feel like I look silly and tired and not at all the way I want to, but I adore it because the girl on the left is one of my very best friends, and I only get to see her when I go to NYC. I want more photos like this because they mean so much to me.

[Kathy Winter]

The last time I was in the frame was this Thanksgiving. Why? Because I lost my dad to cancer last month and when we went hunting for photos for the memorial, the only family photos to include me were wedding photos...from 10 years ago when I was the bride. Like today's blogger, it was mostly because I'm the family photographer (and I don't like photos of me). So, the first family holiday after losing dad, I set up the tripod and self timer and stepped into the frame with my husband, daughter and siblings.

[Becky R.]

I didn't take the picture and I don't have a copy of it. However, the last time I was in front of the camera was at work. The boss wanted to take a group picture for a greeting card and there we all were in our glory. It's something I don't do often.

[Kathleen]

Lovely post - agree wholeheartedly!
Taken by a dear friend: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ko2008/5219049007/

[Tracy]

Oh so true of my own experiences from behind the camera....all that you wrote, has been on my mind A LOT this year. I too want to step out of the safety zone, see my sides - all of them...and not be afraid. Maybe even learn to love what I see. I nearly got there a while ago...but then stopped stepping in front of the lens, and lost my ground. I want to get back on that path. This was a reminder of all I quietly agreed to do, soon. But why wait. Thanks for the inspiration!

[Audra Van Vliet]

It seems that August was the last time. That is sad.

http://lastpictureshowphotography.blogspot.com/2010/08/break-that-pony.html

[joey]

I take so many pictures of my kids. I want to get a camera for them so I can see the world through their eyes. I know I'd be in many of their shots. My sister took this one.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/19379573@N06/5219918092/

[Marina D-K]

Your words ring true for so many, including me. I tend not to wear makeup or get "dressed up" too often. (By dressed up I mean not wear jeans and a sweatshirt or plain long sleeve) I sometimes wonder if by choosing not to get "dressed up" it gives me a constant excuse to not get in front of the camera, an excuse on why I don't look so great in photos, and a million other excuses. I think for me next year maybe I should try just a bit more often to get dressed up and feel confident in front of the camera NO MATTER WHAT.

Here's one I took a couple weeks ago right after I woke up (The only way I currently get in front of the camera is via my iPhone in secret =)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/minimd/5219334395/

[ELK]

what a wonderful photo this is that you shared today .. I relate to your post in so many ways and i thank you for the encouragement to look past the perceived "flaws" we ALL have!

this is one with my daughter who was home for Thanksgiving..i guess I do a lot of laughing/smiling look at the lines around my eyes...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sammymom/5216739896/

[jackie]

i have been trying to be more present in the pictures. i finally have a recent picture of me on my blog (my profile picture). thank you for the reminder of capturing ourselves.

[Melissa M.]

So true! I also need to learn the self timer so I can appear in our family photo albums.

[Brooke]

I've really been trying to take more self-portraits. And this one is my favorite to date: http://www.flickr.com/photos/shutterboo502/4556391882/in/set-72157623842738642/