My Medicine

Last weekend, my son had and allergic reaction and went into anaphlyaxis.  I rushed him to the hospital where I was quickly pushed aside while an ER team immediately began working on him and ultimately, putting him on a ventilator. Once it was done and I could see even the doctor give a sigh of relief, my husband and I then awaited the arrival of the critical care team from our local children's hospital to transport him.  It was then that I began to document what was happening in photos.  I needed to.  I've said many times that my camera has been my saving grace. I couldn't do anything else at that time and it was the only thing I felt I had any control over. 

Fortunately, my son made a quick and complete recovery and once we were home, I uploaded my photos into a set on Flickr.  I wanted to share them and I was hesitant at first because I wasn't sure how people would respond to the rawness of the photos, but I wanted, needed, for others to see, to understand.   I then shared them on a Facebook allergy page that I follow regularly.  The owner of the page contacted me and asked if she could share them with others because she thought it was important to do so.  I said yes and didn't give it another thought. 

Immediately my inbox began filling up with messages from people all over the country that I did not know.  Some shared their similar stories with me, others just wanted to tell me that they were glad everything had turned out okay, but all of them thanked me for sharing my photos with them.  It was at that moment that I knew I did the right thing.  As of this writing, those 10 photos have been viewed over 4500 times. 

How many times have you taken a photo that really didn't mean much to you but to someone else it meant so much more?  How many times have you heard, Oh my gosh, I love that photo!  Can I have it?!  I've said many times that I believe everyone brings their own medicine to this world.  Next time one of your photos touches someone, take a moment and realize that perhaps your photography is your medicine, too. 

Today, share those photos that have may have been your medicine...to you or to someone else.

weekending by Sarah Swanson-Dexel

Sarah Swandon-Dexel shoots images like this with her Nikon or iPhone and spends her weekends seeking, seeing & savoring. Sarah can be found online at urban prairie forest and via Instagram as wilburandfern.

How are you weekened on this fine weekend?

Her Camera

Three years ago I picked up a camera with one goal in mind. We were starting a family and was determined to avoid paying a professional photographer to take photos that I thought I could learn to achieve on on my own. I was quickly bitten by the photography bug and when we fell pregnant on Mother’s Day 2009 everything seemed to be falling into place. I was gifted a brand new Nikon d90 and upon the baby’s arrival I was confident I’d be able to capture beautiful squishy newborn portraits of our bundle of joy.

 I never expected that things would go terribly wrong.

 At our 20 week sonogram a red flags were raised and we were alarmingly referred to a high risk practice to have them investigated. The vivid memories of our trip to that high risk office will haunt me until the day I die. The technician called us back and rushed us through a series of sonogram photos. She was rough on my belly, she pressed a little to intensely, I could feel our baby kick the technician back as if staying “Stop!”. I wanted her to stop too. Finally she left. Minutes dragged on like hours.

Then, the doctor finally walked in and broke the silence with 5 little words that would change our world forever: “Your baby has multiple problems”.

Without stopping for air, he continued to spout out medical jargon about this syndrome and that syndrome. Things we had never even heard of before. He listed off the numerous organs our baby was missing one by one. So cold. So heartless. We left the office numb, dazed, and confused. That evening, as I googled every little snippet of medical jargon our doctor threw around that day I knew what was coming next.

That's when I broke down in a river of tears for the first time.

We sought a 2nd opinion at Children’s Hospital in Washington DC where a fatal diagnosis was confirmed. Our daughter Bella’s defects were 1 in 20,000. No one expects to be the 1 in 20,000, but somehow the devastating baby loss lottery struck us at 20 weeks pregnant.

Our lives were forever changed.

Bella Rose was stillborn on September 11th, 2009. When we arrived home from the hospital empty handed and broken hearted, flowers began to arrive in mass quantities. I was looking to busy my mind and my hands and I sought a way to collect the beauty of Bella’s blooms and preserve them for when I could truly appreciate them. That’s when I remembered I had her camera. The oneI  intended to be used to to take beautiful images of newborn Bella to fill our walls with canvas and framed prints in our home.

Instead, I picked up Bella’s camera after she died and used it to capture a glimpse into my fragile heart. And then, a magical thing happened.

I discovered photography to be an incredible tool in my healing and I started to shift my perspective. I uncovered small bits of beauty in my broken world. I celebrated the little accomplishments, even something a simple as getting out of bed in the morning. I made it my daily meditation to visually express gratitude for what I did still have left in my life. I blogged images and words that revealed my most private feelings of loneliness and failure after losing an unborn child. But, I also shared how photography was allowing me to experience emotions more fully, learn about myself, and heal my soul.

Do you have a special image you’ve taken that has helped you on a healing journey? I’d love it if you’d share it here today. Let’s celebrate the magical powers of photography in soothing our souls when they are hurting.

 Guest blogger, Beryl Ayn Young, serves as chief photography muse over on her personal blog and serves as teacher of the Illuminate Photography e-course, designed especially for moms who have lost a baby due to stillbirth, miscarriage, or infant loss. She believes in nourishing the soul with lifelong learning, photographic healing, & a glass half full perspective. Beryl photography classes and mentoring aimed at teaching you how to improve your camera skills and cherish life’s journey.

savoring motherhood

I did all the right things. I read all the books. I watched all the videos. I took all the classes. I went to prenatal yoga classes religiously, took walks with my husband, and daydreamed with him about how we were going to have the “happiest baby on the block.” I savored every minute of my pregnancy and was excited to do the same with our newborn.

We were ready. Or so we thought.

Then she arrived and everything we thought we knew flew out the window. Night was day and day was night. I felt as if the life I once knew was a distant memory and now I was navigating new and very foreign territory. I wouldn’t have traded my new life for the old one, but those early days were hard. Very hard.

Several weeks after Sadie was born, I realized that I had been in a deep fog. While I was wallowing in the exhaustion, she was growing and changing. And I had missed it.

Yes, this has been one of the most difficult times in my life, but I don’t want to lose sight of how wondrous and amazing it is. I want to savor it because it will be gone before I know it.

Never in my life have I been so aware of the passage of time. Becoming a mother has amplified my need to preserve memories. At seven weeks old, I am floored by how fast Sadie is growing. Sometimes, it feels like she changes from minute to minute. She’ll wake up from a nap and I swear she’s gained three pounds. Every morning, I wake up to find a new baby.  

And so I do what I always do when I want to savor a moment in time: I pick up my camera. And when I do, I see for the first time what has been there all along: chubby hands, tiny ruffles, soft skin, itty-bitty shoes, little toes, wise eyes, first smiles, and a whole lot of love.

Yes, in the topsy-turvy life with a newborn, my camera helps me savor the simple moments and remember what is most important.

Share with us the kinds of moments you are savoring this season.

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Darrah Parker is giving away one spot in the Slice of Life Project, a 6-week photography e-course that will help you savor the details of your everyday life. Leave a comment for a chance to win a spot in the winter session, starting February 6.

For more information about Darrah, visit her website. For more information about her e-course, visit the Slice of Life Project web page.