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Entries in motherhood (112)

Friday
Oct302009

just say yes

As women I think we are perpetually over-extended. We spread ourselves too thin. We don't always make time for ourselves. We are busy taking care of other people's needs and putting theirs far above our own. In attempts to balance this issue we have learned to say "No" more often. No, to another project. No to one more commitment. No to burning our candles at both ends. No can be a wonderful word to use in the name of self preservation. I won't deny it.

But the other day it struck me how much I say no to things just for the sake of saying no. Out of being tired. Being leary or even fearful. I say no out of habit. In response to this realization I have started saying yes again. Yes to my kids when they want to paint, or cook or play in the leaves. Yes to projects I know I will enjoy. Yes to creativity and play and being present in ways I often am not.

The other night I marveled at my daughter as she submersed herself in a yes I gave her. Yes, you may paint with real paints on a real canvas. She was beyond engaged for over an hour. Mixing her own colors, Have you ever seen a color more beautiful than this mom?...Using the brush like a master, I could paint like this for my whole life mom...Beaming with pride over her work of art, I can't believe how much I love this painting! That hour was one of the best hours I can remember spending with my daughter. All because I said yes.

The power of yes can be magic when you let it be.

What have you said yes to recently? Anything that in particular that made your heart happy? That made your creative spirit soar? Share you success-yes stories!

Saturday
Oct172009

Shoot for the Stars

-Shot with the Lensbaby Composer and the Super Wide Conversion Lens

I often consider myself an everyday photographer. Not so much because I shoot everyday (which I usually do) but more because I shoot my everyday life. I take pictures of everything from breakfast to bedtime and everything in between.

And I'm not fussy about it. I don't often move things around or arrange things for the camera. I break the rules of photography constantly. I crank up my ISO. I don't always look through the viewfinder. I cross my fingers. I blow out my whites. I don't use a tripod. I like grain. I don't like my flash. I shoot in really low light. I don't use my lens cap. But I have a really really good time.

If I worried about the rules or waited for the right time to shoot the optimum picture, I wouldn't have the rich (and imperfect) story of my life in photographs.

Let's see a little something sacred from your life's narrative. Something that maybe wasn't thought out, or planned and yet, it fell unexpectedly before you like a shooting star as you were there to catch the magic with your lens.

Tuesday
Oct132009

The Creative Mama

The best things in life are unexpected, because there were no expectations.

- Eli Khamarov

I'd be lying if I said I had no expectations that chilly December week. I poured myself endlessly over my laptop screen, trying desperately to find just the right domain name for this new venture I'd be taking. 'Would it really matter?' I asked myself, 'No one will read it anyways.' My mind was a jumble of hopes and dreams, thoughts and anticipation, doubt and insecurities. For years I'd been writing, though not much of my work was read by others. I'd had visions of my not-so-single self sitting behind a frosty window, in my cute sweats, sipping a martini, and sporting the well-known Carrie Bradshaw hair. Alas, I write from a little corner desk in my not-so-NYC-home, that over looks a parking lot. None the less, I had a desire to write and to be heard. To create something that would bring women together, inspire, encourage.

After weeks of perfecting my look, I had designed the makeup of my tiny space on the web. With bursting excitement, on January 14, 2009, The Creative Mama was born. I had a small group of beloved friends and family that 'promised' me they were reading. Devoted pals encouraged me, and occasionally commented. I wrote what was on my heart, I shared projects I'd been working on. I was able to use my love for photography in a new way and this ignited a fire within me! I poured my heart and soul into this brand new outlet of mine, and though I felt I was talking to a blank wall, I trudged on. January ended with a whopping 7 subscribers. I was proud, and elated. I had no idea where this would take me; but I knew I was enjoying myself, I was being creative, and most importantly I was writing.

The months went on and I continued to find myself inspired by my readers. Women I'd never met were beginning to rally around me, supporting my sometimes sappy articles and cheering me on as I gave it my all. These women became friends and a community began to build. I was humbled and honored that people made time to sit at their computers, clicking over to visit The Creative Mama. With so many wonderful blogs out there to encourage and inspire, I felt so blessed to be apart of their daily readings.

Then it happened. A big series I did over the summer on photography involved some amazing artists, my traffic increased on a daily basis and the amount of subscribers quickly hit 1000. I could hardly believe it. This tiny little baby of mine that was just a vision 8 short months prior, had blossomed into a soul-feeding, mind-blowing, full-time job. I sat here in my little corner one afternoon, attempting to write for the following week. For what felt like the 100th time, my four-year-old begged me to play Star Wars with him. I saw the tears in his big, brown eyes and my mind raced with thoughts of my to-do list. There were articles to be written, comments to moderate, an inbox to be tackled, images to edit, galleries to get up, dinner to be made... little boys to be played with. It was then that I realized, this something I longed for, this outlet I created, had turned into something that was slowly eating away at my family. I could blog all I wanted about my darling children, but what good was I typing about them when I needed to be with them?

With The Creative Mama in her prime, and the heaviest of hearts, I said my good-byes. Tears were streaming so, I could hardly see the screen the day I typed what I thought would be my last article. I turned to the kids, almost unsure what to do next. Over the next 6 weeks we snuggled, and we played with light sabers, I photographed them more, and we watched Animal Planet. I continued my photography business and was even able to take part in an amazing online workshop. My fingers ached to type, but my heart was full. I knew I had made the best decision for me, for my family.

During this time I couldn't bare to look at feedburner or my stats sites. I had worked so hard to get The Creative Mama where she was, I knew I would be just devastated to see the numbers so low. That is until a few weeks ago, when I accidentally clicked a bookmarked statcounter. My jaw was on the floor. As it turns out, I'd only lost a small handful of subscribers and wouldn't you know, in all that time of not blogging TCM saw hundreds upon hundreds of new visitors daily. I knew there must be a reason for this, and began to formulate a plan in my head.

Little did I know that the following weeks would bring eight very special women to the table. Each of them were asked because I admire, respect, and adore them. They are my team, they are the new Creative Mama. Without them, TCM could not be. We work together now, to bring unique and inspiring content that is sure to tug at the heart strings, bring laughter and joy, and hopefully give new insight to creative ways to live our every day lives.

Did I expect the road to lead me here? Not in the slightest. Oftentimes though, those unexpected beauties are the ones to treasure. I treasure the challenges it took to walk away, and I embrace the road we are on now. I'd encourage you to join us, we'd love to get to know you!

Photo and words courtesy of Honorary Sister / Guest Blogger Angie Warren, founder of The Creative Mama.

Thursday
Oct082009

I Picked up my Camera

I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression (PPD) a little over a year ago.  My reaction to the diagnosis was mixed.  At that point in my life, I was completely numb to everything that was going on around me, detached from my little girls, my husband, my friends.  I guess I could say I was relieved by the news, slightly comforted by the fact that I had an excuse for how I was acting.  The depression wasn’t me; it was something that was happening to me.

Unfortunately, all that came with the diagnosis was a bottle of little blue pills and a handful of books.  I needed help, and I thought I had asked for it.  I couldn’t find support groups or therapists because I would have a panic attack just thinking about having to pick up the phone.  The “what ifs” were incessant, and I was drowning in them.  I had to completely depend on the help of those around me, primarily my husband who truly became my knight-in-shining-armor.  Not only was I numb, detached, and anxious, I felt that I had absolutely no control over what was happening to me.  I would try to talk to myself rationally, convince myself I’d be ok, but emotionally I was consumed.  I felt like my life had stalled.  I kept trying to start it back up again, but something just wasn’t making a connection. 

Slowly, things started to get better, and as they did, I realized that I needed an outlet.  I needed a way to document what was happening, what I was seeing, how I was feeling.  I needed to put myself out there so others could see and understand what was going on in my life.  I picked up my camera and began a 365 day project.  I decided that if I made myself pick up my camera everyday to learn something new about it, or about taking pictures, or about post-processing, then I would be spending less time feeling sorry for myself and I would start a new process of growth.

I failed miserably at my project, only making it 1/3 of the way through, but that was only as far as I needed to go.  Along the way I discovered some pretty amazing people, and they inspired me over and over again, though they may not have even realized it.  Not only that, but I was encouraged to try new things, to set goals, and to take risks.  Most importantly, I found myself surrounded by a community of strong and wise women who brought me back from something dark and scary.  I’m finally at a place, one year later, that I feel I’m on top of things (though we all have our down days).  All it took was working up the nerve to pick up my camera.

What has your camera done for you?

Photo and words courtesy of Honorary Sister/ Guest Blogger Meg Farehbach (Tea & Brie). 

Thursday
Oct012009

playful pause

Project 365 Day 278, Peeling Crayons

September's One Word Project brought so much joy to my weary heart throughout the month. Like so many women I know, I have piled so much on my plate lately I am overwhelmed. So much of it's good good stuff and yet, it still means work. And navigation. Concentration and so much emotional and even physical energy. I'm too busy. Too tired. Overextended.

When I get like this, it's images like this one from E Whitaker Photo that remind me of what's important. Slow down, it gently urges me. Remember how fast time passes and how you can miss it if you don't take some time to observe and appreciate it.

My girls are much older than the two children above and perhaps that is why it breaks my heart. And yet, I am delighted in the same breath as I am reminded of life's playful simplicities. So grateful that I took time out tonight, after bedtime, to let my oldest daughter soak in a warm tub to ease her body and mind after a long day of middle school. I sat there on the bathroom floor with her and just listened and we laughed together and just were. Like these two. Slow, simple, easy.

It's the levity of the simple moments we all need. The easy play time. The lightheartedness of being in our own world and also of being with others. I will miss the word play. It's been exactly what I've needed. On this last day, please share a playful moment. Anything goes. Make me laugh. Make me cry. Take me away.

Tomorrow we wll announce the new word for October. Don't miss it. It will be equally as wonderful I'm sure of it.