Love Thursday: February 21st, 2008

On Sunday night, our family had a little scare:  Alex wasn't herself all day, sort of just tired and lethargic.  At the end of the day, we finally decided to call her pediatrician on call -- and soon after, found ourselves in the emergency room, with Alex on a nebulizer.  Turns out she was having her first asthma attack, resulting from pneumonia we didn't know she had.

I remember a moment in the emergency room, watching Alex's limp body finally sleeping, at about 1 a.m.  And I remember irrationally thinking:  "I shouldn't have become a mother.  I can't take this.  I can't watch this.  I'm not strong enough."  Of course, immediately afterwards,  I remember saying to myself, "Don't be an ass, Karen.  She's going to be fine.  What's the matter with you?  In the grand scheme of things, this is nothing.  And if this was something truly life-threatening, of course you'd be strong enough.  You'd take a deep breath, and you'd deal.  BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT MOTHERS DO."

Of course, everything is fine now, and all of us are breathing easier.  And I think back to that night, I'm sort of shocked by the intense fear I was experiencing, motivated by intense love.  Who would've thought five years ago I was going to be a mom, let alone love this little kid with the ferocity that I do?  And boy, how I do.

Happy Love Thursday, everyone.  Please leave your links of love in the comments below -- and be sure to check out the photos left in the Shutter Sisters Flickr Pool by keeper of the chocolates and tonyapoole for inspiration.

And may be you bowled over by the love you feel today. 

Sensitive.

I was watching something on TV the other day. They were talking about how artists are "sentitive to their surroundings, to people, and to life in general"...(I'm paraphrasing). It hit me because of something I recently realized. I'd been talking to my husband about how horrible my memory is, and how it drives me nuts. I forget birthdays, and anniversaries. When friends re-count stories, sometimes it's like I have amnesia..."Did that REALLY happen?", "Are you serious?!" 

Then I realized it's not that I have a bad memory, it's that I'm focused on the wrong things. For instance, I can hardly remember my wedding day, or prom, or the births of my children. But I can remember in VIVID DETAIL how I thought EVERYONE AROUND ME was feeling during all of those events. This is when I UNDERSTOOD that, by constantly viewing the world through the eyes of other people, I HAD ERASED MY OWN EXPERIENCE. My interpretations of people's feelings BECAME MY MEMORY. MY REALITY.  

It even manifested in my career choice as a photographer...(interpreter). I adore my job, and count it as a privilege. It's a passion, and there are even days when I feel obsessed by it. But for as sensitive as one is to others, we should be equally as sensitive to ourselves. Pay attention to how you feel too. What do you think? Where do you want to go? Ask yourself how your doing, and care about the answer. This is when your own life turns into Artwork.

*Edited to add: I'm not suggesting that it's wrong to focus on others, or that we should tune people out and live selfishly. Not at all. I'm just observing that sometimes we lose ourselves, if we don't give our own voice the same validity as the others around us...in life and in art.  :) 

Eat Pray Love and Take Pictures

 

As I join Elizabeth Gilbert on her journey to India, the epiphanies come fast and furious. That may seem a little un-Yogic of me but I think I’m just wired that way. The first few pages have my mind racing as I read the lines that seem to speak to me directly (not to mention everyone else who has read and revered this best seller). It only takes a few paragraphs for me to acknowledge that I LOVE Yoga more than any other practice I have attempted, for one. And secondly, that my passion for photography equals, if not supersedes my love of Yoga. Here comes the Light Bulb Moment. Could it be that my zeal for both of these disciplines stem from the same inner desire? I think it’s quite possible. Hear me out.

I have read and reread the early part of the 38^th Chapter (or Tale as Mr. Gilbert considers it) and have nodded that indeed, what she writes about Yoga is all very true in my experience and is precisely why I love it as much as I do. Of course I don’t practice like I could but this isn’t the time to rehash that old story. What I find fascinating is that there is more to here that perhaps I realize. I was astounded to discover that when I replace the word Yoga with Photography, the text still makes perfect sense to me.

Disclaimer—A note to Ms. Gilbert—I do not wish to offend you or anyone else here and only take these liberties to illustrate my point.

I read these lines out loud to myself, “[Photography] is about…the dedicated effort to haul your attention away from your endless brooding over the past and your nonstop worrying about the future so that you can seek, instead, a place of eternal presence from which you may regard yourself and your surroundings with poise.” Exhale.

Here’s what I am longing to hear—do any of you find yourself on a similar quest? Are you seeking “a place of eternal presence from which you may regard yourself and your surroundings with poise?" and if so can you find that place using photography as your Guru? Too far fetched?  Well, more simply, do you have any images you've captured that as that shutter clicked, helped you to “haul your attention away” from all distraction so that you could focus on something divine in yourself or the world around you?  I would really love to see some of those photographs. Are you willing to enlighten us?

Om.

belated valentine

The husband, too often, is trumped by sons and daughters. Conversation is reduced to tokens of business such as

Hello. We got another power bill and did you remember to pick up more milk and I forgot to take out the recycling again and that cheese isn’t supposed to be blue and watch out, that’s a poopy sock. Goodnight.

Bleary-eyed we stagger through parenthood, aware of each other only peripherally. In front of the camera he exists as child-carrier, slide-catcher and armpit-tickler, captured in bits and pieces alongside headlining cereal-splattered cheeks and tricycle prowess.

I’m still in a state of shock that, with a baby and a toddler in the house, a marriage with this man takes effort—effort in the way of just remembering to just be with each other and laugh, and talk, and look at each other straight in the eyes, the way we used to.

This photo is who Justin was, before. May I be so bold? RAWR.

And after? There is none yet. Not of this classic magnitude. But there will be. Post-Valentine, I’m determined: a portrait of him as himself, rather than as child-prop.

Want to join me?

Peel your camera away from the kids. Introduce us to yours, and tell us about him (or her)—the before, or the after—just your partner, no one else. Share a picture of what made (and makes) you love: a stance, a grin. Or the way he wraps his hand around the paddle of a canoe, an extension of his arm, as natural as if he were born to this place.

Superhero Photo Challenge: Shoot into the sun

photo by Anna Kuperberg

I am a self-taught photographer and every once in a while I get a little insecure about the fact that I don't know much about F-stops and shutter speeds. I'd love to be able to walk into any situation and instantly know how to set my camera for the perfect exposure. But alas, digital came around just in time! and now I get to simply play and experiment and know just enough to get what I want but not too much to lose my sense of play. And then there's that handy little screen that shows you what you're getting. Thank god for the little screen!

One "rule" someone told me many moons ago and I had never questioned was this: Do not, I repeat, DO NOT shoot directly into the sun!! Your subjects will turn out dark, you might have lens flare, the picture will be terrible and you will look like a total hack. Did any of you out there believe this too? Are you blinding your friends by having them look into the sun like me?

When I fell in love with Anna Kuperberg's photos I noticed how brilliantly she used sunlight. And I want to highlight the word, used... she didn't just tolerate the sun or work around it like I did, she really uses it to her advantage and gets the most extraordinary images shooting straight into the sun. (The photo above is from my maternity portrait session with her)

This week's challenge is in two parts. First, I want to see your best shots shooting right into the sun (or having the subjects head just blocking it) Get some lens flair! Have some fun... I also want to hear your tips for getting great images this way. Do any of you know how to use the sun to your advantage? I would love to hear. (And if you are using flickr, please tag your photo with superhero photo challenge. Your shot will end up on this page.)