We are Beautiful

We are beautiful women who have no idea we are beautiful. We stand in front of the mirror and tear ourselves apart, going over every seeming imperfection, every flaw, every bit of evidence that we are not as we were once so long ago.

This is insanity.

In five years, we will salivate for this skin. In ten years, we will have nothing but respect for this ass. In twenty, we won't care about any of it--scanning our pictures instead for signs in our eyes that we were present and willing to be honest and real and incredibly brave, no matter what the state of our abs.

We are aging, every one of us, everyday, all the time. This body will not stay.  It will morph and change. It will get weaker, and yes, it will die.  And until that moment, this body will house the very essence of us.  This body will play host to all our hopes and fears, our most true and alive moments.  This body will hold every second of our existence on this planet, and it will remember down to the cells everything that made us laugh and cry.

Today, get out your big camera, your phone or your point and shoot and honor your body.  Your perfection (or lack thereof) is not the point.  What matters is that you turn your gaze on what is holding you together right now.  What matters is that you love and cherish the essence of who you are before it's too late.

cathartic

Lately I am finding real peace the when I use my camera to work through something personal.  Life gets messy, sometimes scary, but when I pause and acknowledge those moments through my lens, I feel a release.  This is not for everyone, this is for me.  I am visual. I process life through my lens. I snap, I write, I move through, I let go, I get on with things. This was one week out post hysterectomy. This day 1 week ago I was under anesthesia, surrendering everything to the great unknown.  I feared many things.  I feared not waking.  I feared waking.  I feared the possibility of pain, for surely it would come. I woke. I did have some pain. Now I was 7 days out, fresh from my morning shower when it hit me that those very same moments 1 week ago were so scary and yet here I was safe, changed, different, but well and healing.  I wanted to mark that moment.  I wanted it to be real and to see me, the me now. I wanted to nod and tell this me all will be well, and so i picked up my camera and clicked. I have no shame in this photo. This is the real 39 year old me.  My soft belly and thick legs. That tattoo i got at age 22 when i was so sure of everything and so full of myself. That bunion on my right foot that sticks out and prevents me from ever wearing awesome heels. This body that birthed 3 babies, but now has no uterus. It is all ok. All will be well. Funny thing when you share a piece of yourself you ultimately wind up touching others. For we are all women, mothers, sisters, daughters, sharing our human experience. We all feel, struggle, grieve, fear, celebrate, love, and mourn. I feel when I use my camera to work through something personal, somehow it makes it not so scary.

The sisterhood is full of courage, grace and emotion.  You inspire me to be more open and brave with my own photography.

Do you give yourself permission to photograph your real emotions in difficult times? Do you find your  photography cathartic?

a shadow of self

We talk a lot about self here. Well, I know I do. I suppose I need to. And it's hard to explain, but part of me needs to visually define my outer boundaries of who I am as a person, woman, mother, sister, daughter, lover. There is no easier (nor harder) way to do this than through the study of self. Dare I say self portraiture helps me understand myself. It definitely helps me to be kind to myself, and remember who I am on the days when it's easy to forget.

It feels like a craving that won't go away. Now, after three+ years of self portraits my portfolio has grown. I recently uploaded a collection of twenty of my finest self portraits over at Artists Wanted. It is the ultimate study of self. It is the space between here and there. Then and now. You and me. Us and them. 

This project of self I can only define as me seeking grace in the conflict. Seeking beauty in the decay. These photos are where I have been and where I am going. A circular timeline put on repeat. This is the peace within. The flurry and chaos, the fluttering of heartbeats like a hundred bird wings. These photographs are the solitude and stillness of wind. The reminder that life is blooming, that growth moves us forward with joy and anticipation. This project is my practice in remembering it is ok to sit with the silence. And that through it all, life is still beautiful.

It took me a long time to turn the camera on myself. I began most clumsily with shadows because they lacked details. they were playful and light even on days when i felt neither of those things. Want to learn something amazing? Take a photo of yourself and discover what you see. Today, begin with a shadow. Let the darkness of shadow reveal a bit of your own story. And be sure to share in the comments below!

see yourself

All it took was the sun coming out, a walk in my favourite spot, the breeze in my hair and suddenly the cage of what has been a long winter unlocked. Freedom to see the light change, the temperature on my skin and the smile on my face.

It's moments like this that call for a self portrait. Just me in this moment.

As hard as we find self portraits, I hope that together, we know about the importance of capturing ourselves in our moments. Have you "seen" yourself lately?

be present

 

"Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop." 
-King of Hearts, Alice in Wonderland

You and me, we are the same looking glass reflecting eyes, cameras, hearts. Seeing to remember, seeing to be seen, seeing to find the meaning.

Sometimes words flow from lips to ears at just the right speed. They hang in the air between us, little sparkles of loveliness. Sometimes the sunlight flares truth into our world, into our concept of self and space and time. These subtleties are gifts. What we do with them is up to us. But remember this: no one has your eyes, your mind, your dreams. Through our art we give of ourselves. Word by word, image by image. We lay these pieces down like cobblestones that later become the path we walk. It is only by moving forward that we find our way. It is only by doing, that we learn to see how far we've come.

You. Me. We.

Find it. Whatever it is. Find what makes you feel most alive and follow that path. It will lead you to where you most need to be. Your job is to simply begin. One word. One image. One dream. One foot in front of the other until your story unfolds.

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I'm excited to share with you an upcoming journey. Registration is now open for the upcoming Be Present Retreat. "Your Story" is taking place on the Oregon coast, this June 15-19. Join me with three other amazing women and mentors at the retreat. Liz Lamoreux, Ali Edwards, Kelly Barton, and I will be part of this studio gathering and we are very much looking forward to it! The only thing to make it complete is your presence and your story!

In Liz's own words:
"During our time together, we will sink into what it means to share our stories through our writing, photographs, blogs, and artwork. We will play with color and words, let our cameras guide us, walk on the beach, and let the sun shine upon our heads as we listen to one another and share pieces of who we are. As with all Studio Gatherings, there will be several hours of free time each day for participants to continue the conversations, "work" on how they are sharing their own stories, explore the coast, or simply relax."

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So, today in the spirit of your story, share with us your reflections. Literal or otherwise.